Dat Faint Glimmer

Ye've left a glimmer still to cheer,
The man-the artifex
That Holds inspite o'knocks and Scale
o'friction waste and slip,
an' by that light-now Mark my Word-
we'll build the perfect Ship
Frank Lloyd Wright, Architect

when man drops low on e horizon due 2 trials n difficulties, things of beauty inspire n challenge..like music or painting, or (dare i say) architecture...Einstein once told a famous composer (can't recall which) dat listening to his symphony made him believe dat there is a God who created evrything beautiful in its time again..

dats my manifesto where architecture is concerned..dat man may know how only God can create a being so capable of beautiful n wondrous things..if we onli reached e potential He set for us (instead of settlin for dat 1 miserable bite of e forbidden fruit in e garden of Eden dat everyday tastes more n more sour in e belly of every man, woman n child)..

e most beautiful buildin i've evr seen is e Church of Notre-Dame Du Haut in Ronchamp, France..by Le Corbusier..now i can definitely tell City Harvest blokes how insignificant their buildin is..hahaha..(by architectural standards at least)..its really a statement addressed to God n cast in concrete..

its a buildin dat says though i hav my doubts n concerns, at e end o' e dae i still trust in God n still choose to follow e God who rules both earth n heaven..n incidentally, our lives..livin faith dat questions n asks but still believes when 1 noes e answers dun come easy or r not neccessarily understandable..

dats y i love architecture..more than e fact dat i love 2 draw..n more den e fact dat i wanna disprove e common notion (back home at least) dat buildin, construction n design r dead end industries..but bcos its so awesome to make a statement dat lasts for decades or centuries in e landscape..a statement dat is an eternal hymn of praise or a deep-seated questionin of social norms n customs..i never liked bein pigeon-holed in life(n Dats incidentalli wat Singaporeans do best; ch*o ch*e b*e) n with architecture, i'll never be..cos each new design reveals somethin new bout mi..(at least dats e way i see it)

mayb some of u like mi..mayb some of u dun..but i like wat i'm doin..n dis is mi..so i'll keep buildin my 'ships' n livin my life for my Maker..can any 1 of u say e same??haha

Cool, Chilled Sundae

Palm Sundae 06..hows it pannin out at dis time of nite, dis year n over here? well, spendin sat in sydney runnin errands, accompanyin frens n celebratin a fren's birthdae is an experience of its own..tml i head back but 2nite i'm a little wasted here..nice cabernet sauvignon n beer Dale..

sometimes i wonder wat it was like as Christ entered Jerusalem on dat ass of a colt..trepidition or joy, relief or burden..movin unstoppabli 2wards destiny n certain doom..

is life like dat sometimes? do we move towards desiny n wat we r meant to do (by some higher callin n Power) or do we move as circumstances n opportunities dictate? well, dats a question to ponder dis Palm Sundae..

on a more practical n down-2-earth note..away from aimless philosophical meanderin..its nice meetin pple u dun noe b4 n findin out u've so much in common with each other..like Julian, Shamus n myself meetin for e 1st time 2 nite n findin out dat we noe so many pple in common n went thru similar paths in ns..engineers n pioneer, leadership n support.. life can b beautiful among fellow travellers n frens whom u get to noe..pple who share similar interests, outlooks n worldviews..

like e bunch o' soccer guys i met yesterdae n had a game with..for all our differences n problems with each other..on e court, we're all equal..no politics, factions n personal quarrels..football truly brings e world together..u get e ball, u run with it n score (or try 2 score)..

well, we all need frens n companions..we just hav 2 find e rite ones to hang with..frens do come n go..but a core few remain..i only wish there were more of them..n dat i might hav discernment 2 tell which were true n lastin n which are not..so then, Palm Sundae it is..God bless..(i gotta sleep or else i'll miss my fren's mass service tml...haha..just visitin)

Out of Reach

After 2 years and 3 months i finalli found something i had been lookin so fervently for so long..sometimes when we r on e verge of givin in and givin up, we come face to face with dat which eluded us until now..n we're amazed at e poetic justice of it all..

e best things in life take time..as do e best miracles dat God can perform..take Joseph for instance..how long did God take to make a prime minister out of an arrogant dreamer (n save all Egypt n his family in de process?) 20 years..n how long b4 e Hebrews saw e Red Sea open e way to freedom (as immortalised in Prine of Egypt)..400 years..

miracles need not be instant solutions to current affair issues..they can be life-long permanent change stuff..

wat was dat which i waited 2 plus years for? a copy of e song, Out of Reach by Gabrielle..it means a lot to mi..esp when i had just gone thru a difficult break-up n was servin in e army..after 2 years n 3 months, things hav come a long way..n i'm much wiser..which is cause for examinin e beauty of life n grace..

i guess as a person grows older, he/she is more forgivin of others' faults as he/she remembers his/her own..not evry1 of course..in life, some things are just out of reach..i guess e lesson is not to grasp after it..its swimmin in oil..but rather to acknowledge this n carry on with at gives significance n meanin to us..

my apologies for talking so cryptically..i just hav certain emotions as i listen to some songs n need an outlet to express these..so short of shoutin at a wall, i might as well blog bout it..i promise..no crypytic post for my next blog update..cheers

Closure For a Guy

i met Junior in church bout 2 weeks ago..he was a Papua New Guinean here studyin at TAFE (e Australian equivalent of poly) ...he was with his brother at our church Bible study..1 of e frenliest guys i'd met in church up till dat point (excludin Pastor Tony of course)..

he was nice lor..tellin mi bout his bro who had a court case in Brisbane for alledgedly breakin in n stealin 2 cars..his bro swore he never did it..i who hav a dim view of human nature can't totalli believe him of course..but they're frenli n kind..dats e point..

well, dis week i met him on Sundae after not seein him aroun for a week..n he was distraught, haggard, quiet n tired..after service i asked him n found out why..his uncle had passed away in Paua New Guinea last fri after a sudden n debililitatin sickness..he was at least ok in comin to church..his bro was too affected to come..

he seemed to hav cried his eyes out man..n Junior (with his bro) was headin home to PNG on Monday for a week for e funeral proceedins...its been said dat funerals are not for e dead but rather e livin..

i read e rather irreverent quote dat e dead do not care for wat is done to their corpses after they r gone..but its e livin who need closure, comfort n an end..dat they might grieve n be healed...n carry on with their lives with e memory of their deceased loved ones in their heart alwaez dignified..dats y pple lost at sea or missin after 7 years r pronounced legally dead n (sometimes) funerals r held in their honour..closure..we all need to carry on n live..dats wat e dead would want for us most..not to die with them..but to live n live well..so live Junior...live

sometimes we all need to find closure n carry on..

Reminices n Confessions

they say confession is good for e soul..as i'm thinkin of home while carryin out my assignments iwonder where many of my best moments of life went n e mistakes i made..n of e kind of guy i am dat causes so much difficulty in my life (to myself onli; hopefulli not to others)..

its betta now no matter how stressed i am than when i was in e army..Shian, Shamir, Varun, Kumu , Eugene n e rest o' e bros i noe will tell u how much blackness n darkness of soul there is there..esp in e combat unit i was in..i finalli made my peace with God dat nite in Shoalwater Bay over in Queensland as i gazed at e constellations..Southern Cross n other southern hemisphere stars i did not recognise..i knew in dat hour how small man is n how temporal compared to an eternal God..i saw dat e stars represented everything good n pure n noble even in e darkest nite sky..for all e wrongs (perceived n actual) done mi n e evil i've seen..e stars shine no less brilliantly up there..when faith in everything true n gd n pure dies, hope remains..

as usual, i'm talkin some mumbo-jumbo no1 can quite understand at dis time of mornin..i deviate.."of regrets there r many; n i hav my fair share" (Serena Butler, in Brian Herbert's Legends of Dune:The Butlerian Jihad)..i wished i had not gotten into dat stupid relationship back when i was repeatin my a's..we did everything a couple did but never formalised it..n God, e breakup..dats a revelation 2 some of u guys..its been v private b4 dis..

when u're 18, u think u noe stuff but den u realise at 21 (n forever after) dat u didn't..i was a fool..n i paid for my folly then..i'm e kinda guy who tends towards possessive behaviour naturally..n i hav 2 keep safeguards n checks against dat constantli..n i can b sensitive many times..i became much more a hard-charger when i entered e army..n mani times i just want 2 rush into things..whether relationshps or otherwise..n dat too i've had to learn to constantli monitor n keep in check..

oh well, deep down i guess i've alwaez been dat stupid little SAS boy who never gets anythin good cos he's either 2 hesitant or 2 forward n aggressive..just a lot darker, more sinister n more driven by those dark forces..i alwaez wondered how much pple understood mi deeply..n i'm forced to conclude not many..mayb i'm just homesick at 1 am local time but i wish dat i had betta frens over here who were not just hi-n-bye type..i mean its not e loneliest i've evr felt la (dat was when i played my bass guitar,Fiery Fiona, at St Francis' Religious Emphasis Week; onstage with no-one i knew well at all..) but still..its a mighty F**k up C**e B*e situation lor..can't break into or fit into many cliques over here..dats mayb 1 reason i joined SSA..to hav an outlet for my energies dat allowed mi to engage with as many pple as possibl..but dats a different story..

its stupid la, but sometimes here i just wish i had some1 special 2 care for n be cared for by..but i guess God's e only real option..g'mornin anywae

While at It

since i'm here at e library n doin my assignment, i might as well blog in-between when havin a break..i was havin a leisureli n very pleasantly surprisin msn chat with David from my armour days with e cell group for our combat unit..he said some very encouragin stuff to mi dat gave mi some new perspective of pple, events (be they good or bad) n exam stress..

sometimes we all feel like we're 'knockin on heaven's door'; in e words of dat old Guns-n-Roses song..unable to progress n unable to understand wat it all means n e purpose behind it..e heavens can seem like brass to all our prayers n petitions..

den encouragement comes in a flash like Paul's Damscus experience or Job's Whirlwind or even Elijah's still-small-voice..n for a moment e entire horizon opens up to us n we see new vistas dat amaze us n make our heads dizzy..just for 1 second we see Heaven's plan n Earth's longin..n we r speechless..for 1 second, 'heaven is a place on earth' as dat old retro song goes..

den we return 2 our bored dreary lives refreshed n empowered..strengthened n encouraged..heartened instead of dis-heartened..1 word can be all it takes to lift up..

David told mi dat in life..we ought to respond with christ's love..even to love e un-loveable, enemies n frens n loved ones of course..y?? becos love is God's secret manoeuvre to outwit e enemy of our souls..as i put on my msn nick, love cannot be understood or comprehended by evil n wickedness..n history has shown dat wat cannot be understood n grasped inevitably comes back to defeat n destroy e clueless..dats why fear (which is e result of a lack of acceptance n understandin) kills..e former Ussr never understood capitalism, free will n choice..n look wat capitalism did to the commies??Bingo..dats e idea in a nutshell..

so then, if some1 has hurt u or sought 2 destroy u 2day..respond with love..deliver e coup de grace dat is heaven's riposte to e arrows of fear, hatred n contempt..love is neither soft nor weak nor gentle..it is e storm dat breaks down walls n dams n overruns e furthest rear areas of the heart, soul n mind..it is e mechanized thrust dat secures e vital breakthru for everything dats noble, good n true..outflank e enemy!!

The Heart of Dreaming

my best frens noe how much i love Neil Gaiman's Sandman and other graphic novels as well as stories like American Gods, Wolves-in-the-Walls n Neverwhere...

guess i was 2 tired last nite but when i went to sleep at aroun 330 after e SSA elections n some 'refreshments of an alcoholic nature'..i had an episode dat seemed 2 come directli out of Neil Gaiman's Sandman series..i had a dream dat i've had b4 in e army n in times of great exhaustion n weariness..

well, i dreamt dat i was runnin in e forest again..as a man..then as i ran farther n grew tired, i felt a sudden burst of speed overtake mi..n i started goin faster n harder..when i looked at my hands n feets i saw dat i seemed to be more n more animal-like..until i realised i was no longer human but wolf..runnin thru glen, dale n forest..n i was without fear..a sleek hunter in e nite..e strange tot came to mind as i awoke with a jolt..i am wolf n they are sheep..then e sure thrill of e hunt took mi as i awoke in cold sweat..disturbin dream..

i gather dat i must hav been real tired out b4..i alwaez wake with a certain drive n sense of purpose (terrible purpose) after dis dream..dreams tell us wat we refuse to face when awake n reveal our greatest hopes n fears to ourselves..its been said..they are a reflection of ourselves n all dat is brightest/darkest in us..

i tot of my dream b4..n feel dat though stupid n somewat scary, it reveals something bout myself..dat mayb wat i crave most in life is respect...not so much so dat pple will giv mi glory or anythin..dats definitely not mi..but i want my place in e sun..its just dat too many pple hav despised mi n scorned mi in life..i wanted to tell many pple in life n back home dat i'm a human bein with feelins too..but i realised dat human nature is such dat pple dun considr each othr unless some forcefulness is shown on an individual's part..

well, Christ's message 2 do 2 others wat we want them 2 do to us shd be kept by Christians but i noe it won't be kept by e world..so how? i do my part lor..n dun bother bout e rest..i seek to do as i would like 2 be treated..n where man tries to do otherwise to mi..well mayb e time to show some teeth has arrived..

strange wat a dream can provoke us to think about huh? Morpheus of the Endless (not e download program) said dreams bring to light our transience n frailty in a big world..but dat these temporary n passin images hav e power to create n destroy worlds as well..wat dreams hold u today frens?

Done!

i just handed in my portfolio..almost complete though 1 tutorial is undone..dis was a rush job i tell ya..n i promised God it'd be e last last-minute piece of work i hand in..e others were not..serious..i was workin on them from e 1st to last minutes..but i guess i neglected n underestimated dis piece of crap..never again man..must pray i dun ever overlook any work again..no more man..i stand chastised n corrected..

thinkin of Band of Brothers Episode 6 or 7 again..with e Company Sergeant Major tellin his story..dats a real CSM i tell ya..not like e play-act 1s we hav back home in e SAF..

Carwood Lipton i still remembr his name..1st Sergeant Lipton.."we cleared e woods north of Foie n e woods south of Foie.. the road was now open for us to advance on Foie itself..but in my opinion we were still not ready..Easy Company still had no combat leader..e post of Company CO was filled by a ghost who was just not there..in mind, body or spirit.."

we all wish sometime or other dat we had betta leaders or dat we were betta leaders..leaders give us a rock of refuge n stability(but its all illusory)..but in life we make do with e leaders we hav, not e leaders we want or hope to be..

i say leadershp is both proved n developed..in e dark days between dawn n dusk..in e quiet hours where e living (n e sane) turn away or submit, e leader is born n his mantle is proven by fire..Thomas Paine said in e moments of terror, true courage comes forth n e testin of the sunshine patriot n weekend soldier proves their value..

to e guys i say, 1 day we all will be called upon to lead in some capacity..dun shirk man..n dun throw out arrows at ur frens who hav had more guts to serve in leadership than u n den dodge behind e mask of annonimity..

i dun wanna lead..just make e most of my time here on Earth..cos i've been on borrowed time since e 2nd a's..haha..nonsense i noe..anywae..thank God my stuff's done this week

Worn Out by Attrition

i'm a great fan of the middle-eastern conflicts n conflagrations involvin Israel...in 1982 when Yitzhak Rabin was faced with a crisis of tremendous proportions durin e Yom Kippur assault on Israel, he famousli told Radio Israel n e world,"we shall not break.." dis was a gifted general n born leader but no Moshe Dayan with characteristic debonair charm n elegance..he came out of dat crisis transformed n renewed..takin Israel into a new era of negotiations..

i'm facin my own Yom Kipur with a portfolio submission in under 7 hours n still plenty to go..i was close to breakin point dis mornin..until Rabin's words came to mind..we shall not break..if u're havin trouble today, dis is wat i'll say to u..we shall not break..

brothers in e army, dun break..in smu, nus, ntu..dun break..in newcastle, Focus frens n others..dun break..we may bend in e wind like e willow, but we dun give up n break..

dun get mi wrong, i am worn down n worn out by attrition..n i'm on e razor edge, but its my belief dat e Powers dat be will not let mi suffer catastrophic failure like cast iron when dropped..emotionally, physically, spiritualli n mentalli...killing giants is wat every1 is called upon 2 do at least once in his or her lifetime..Goliath must fall..because a bigger Boss (who doesn't like bein challenged on his turf) stands behind David..i'm ramblin..pray forgive..

i've been thinkin some othr things thru..i learnt e value of timin some time ago..some things r not in God's will..some are..time reveals which is which..i've learnt 2 let go n retain only deep care n concern for those who r dear 2 mi..happiness is alwaez wat i want for them..its been said e mark of maturity is thinkin of others b4 1self in any relationshp /frenship..like Noah, we need to release our hopes..e dove came back with dat olive branch but not e raven..onli by releasin can we noe wat e ravens n doves are..(dis is incidentalli e workin of a crazed n sleep-depraved mind)..i'll do dis for e good of all parties n 2 put dat smile on Der Boss' face..so remain 3,faith, hope n love..but e greatest of these is...love..n wat is love? its not self-centred, or conceited...blah blah blah..cheers

Shout Out From The Drafting Table

ARGHHHHH! xSmokingx kills! ur xsmokingx can harm others...x--replace with Drafting..Tsang, i noe wat u mean when u posted dat article on our whole group's blog last year...

i've been at it for 2 weeks n still i need to struggle for submissions tml...n on Fri..n next fri..exams for u SMU biz guys is only a few times a sem..its ongoin involvement for mi lor...talk about plungin e dagger in n twistin it..

want to noe wat we idiots do here?? i designed a Dog Kennel n am drawin farm buildins for milkin cows now..den on fri i hand in neo-D-n-T isometric n orthographic drawings..den next fri i got to design a retainin wall..n on Wednesday i'll be gettin my 1st pure archi design project..Interior Design of 2 Rooms in a house...complete design with a model to submit plus archi plans..after Easter i hav a Building Survey Report to submit with alternative features for upgrades to dat building..

My 1st graded piece of work was at e beach buildin a sandwall with a trench..Exercise Nutcracker here i go again..i only lacked a dawn assault to hav a wonderful finale to dat event man..

i like architecture man but well, e goin is hard..my personal deadline to finish b4 1 am is realli goin up in flames now man..gtg..see ya ladies n gents..

Admonishing The Way-ward Brother

Richard Lin Rizhi! Ni zhe ge lao **** ***! N* B** C*** B**! ****************** (the rest of this monologue has been censored for e benefit of e audience)

Even Kian can pick up my call frm overseas inspite of bein so busy in NUS n with his prospective gal-fren..wats ur excuse?? if he loses his bachelorhood, i want 2 hear it 1st from u lor..or if e b**** turns out 2 be a player who breaks his heart..i also want to hear it 1st frm u lor..go out with him more lei..dun let e gal take all his time..dun loose our fren to a za bor we both dun noe!!Outflank n conduct mounted assault bro..i tell u why off-line..(i sure hope kian doesn't show dis 2 e gal..sorry *da sao*)

On another note, i do believe i noe wat area of ministry God has for mi here in Australia..back home it was with e youth n worship team..here it seems dat He's leadin mi into counsellin..ironic huh? i'm still prayin bout it for Lent n Easter but its just seems to be poetic justice dat God would use pple who've been most hurt n disappointed by Christians to talk to n encourage Christians who hav been hurt most..its part of e healin process..blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted...by whom dun u wonder? by those who've mourned b4? dats my hypothesis at least..

alrite..i've got 2 submissions dis week..lotsa draftin to do n dun expect to sleep much 2nite..its been said dat architects (n architectural students by extension) live, work, eat n f*** in the studio..i understand y totalli...just hope dat when i'm drawin halfway, stuff dat i dun wanna think about does NOT come to my mind..den i'm screwed for an hour at least n few things get done while i pray n listen to worship songs/take a walk 2 get off it..

To end on an interestin note..John Bunyan of The Pilgrim's Progress fame alwaez said dat when he was imprisoned for his faith,it was not his enemies who discouraged him most..it was when his FRENS came over to ask him to think of his family, life n future n thus give up the work of God..den he would really go into severe depression till God refreshed him..thanks ladies n gents..i dun need enemies...ok, kiddin la..thanks for bein here for mi..hav a good day!!

Small Comfort

its some small comfort n fillip 2 my morale dat i scored ok for my 1st real assignment at uni..in dark hours we all need encouragement they say..

75% is not quite e high distinction i was expectin of myself but its somethin dat i believe is a start n which i will build on as a strong foundation..better build on gold n silver rather than hay n straw so e old proverb goes..its a good start (i'll give) but not 1 i'm extremely satisfied with..feel dat i pulled some wool over my lecturer's eyes dis time which i won't escape doin next time..it was above all God's grace which saw mi thru..was expectin a credit onli but aimin for a high D..thanks be to God then..

Uncle Raymond's outa critical condition now even though he had to go into e operatin theatre twice..e second time to stop bleedin in his heart..dat was some relief..he'll be outta action n in recovery for bout 6 months from Monday..he works himself too hard i alwaez tot n needs a good break..Mayb dat was e plan all e time..e gift of perspective...

Thanx Kumu for dat chat yesterday nite..i needed dat opinion n view..i noe wat 2 do n where to go frm here (i hope)..n guess wat e topic for church was 2day man? seein God's glory in our lives as we perservere in faith n hang on to Him..how about dat in e light of wat u told mi happened on e train dat previous week?n e worship centred round e phrase in a song, "Lord, show mi ur glory.."

oh n, its Lent..e season has started..those of us frm e SA who noe wat dis anglican (episcopal here) tradition means n see it in e light of e SAS revival of e 90s with new meanin will fulli appreciate its significance...

so then, we're in e run up 2 e Holy Week again..Palm Sunday, Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursdae, Good Fridae, Limbo Saturday n Easter Sundae..down to e Via Dolorosa n beyond e Tomb..Preparations hav begun..

For Man is Born to Trouble...

one by one they come..like vultures to a carcass...or ravens to scraps of food..troubles aplenty..i really feel like a roller-coaster ride sometimes..

while yesterday's post ended on a positive note (mostly) i found out dat i had bigger troubles..not exactly troubles but more mishaps n worries..Mum messaged from s'pore in e middle o' e nite 2 say left artery clogged n goin for heart bypass tml..i was stunned..then at e bottom o' e message i saw dat it had been forwarded by my ncle Raymond who was e 1 havin e bypass...not my mum..

no less stunned n more worried, i called home (Praise God for International Calling Cards)..he'd complained of chest spasms for a week n checked himself into hospital yesterday mornin n was promptly scheduled for Major arterial heart bypass e next mornin..dis is an ex-army colonel we're talkin about who'd faced Indonesia in Konfrontasi n wasn't 1 to complain of pain even if he were havin his leg gnawed off by German Sheperds..n he'd checked himself in for 'chest pains'..i can't even begin 2 imagine e magnitude of those 'chest pains'...

we were close...its been said dat e fear one feels for his or her life when in danger cannot be compared to e fear one feels for the life of one's loved ones in their danger, their trouble..dats how i've been feelin..especially alone here in a foreign land with family sick back home..one feels powerless to help..

some things r beyond our control i tell myself..dats e mature Christian adult response to have...not irrational fear n panic..by it still removes nothin of e stress n dis-stress one undergoes thru such an episode..wonder whether Job felt e same way when servant after servant came to bring him bad news bout his flocks, property, livestock n children...in good (bad actually) succession...talk about negative information cascades in The Wisdom Of Crowds..oh well, i do pray it gets better after its gotten worse..but how much worse can it go? he should be goin into e theatre (interestin name for morbid place wouldn't u agree) in 2 hours as i write dis post..God, i need to pray n do some fastin..

Steeplechase

I was a tracker once b4..a long time ago..i still love runnin n sprinting..though i'm way off form now..

i was watchin e live telecast of an episode of e Commonwealth games last nite on e telly tube...guess wat was plyin? Steeplechase..dis event realli brings out e best in atheletes..long-d runnin plus obstacles..includin a water-filled trench..atheletes realli need 2 measure their pace in dis event man..

how dis event got its quaint n archaic name is a strange footnote of history..apparently, in e late Victorian 1800s in England, burglars broke into houses via chimneys...cops would climb up onto roof-tops to wait for them to come out of the chimneys in e neighbourhood n catch them red-handed (with e loot)..well e burglars would run as soon as they caught sight of e cops on a nearby roof-top..n e cops would, needless 2 say, give chase..so began a chase dat traversed the tops of roofs of houses, courtyards, town halls n most often, culminate in e burglar slidin off e (STEEP) steeple of e local church n on to terra firma..n e cops were not usualli so bold to follow them down..runnin on roof-tops is no mean feat..n in 1900s Edwardian England, pple decided 2 make e steeplechase into a sport of (literalli) Olympic proportions..endurance, obstacle clearin speed n good footin were from e start essential pre-requisites of e sport...

so then, i was watchin Ugandan competitor Dorcas Itiuri (i guess dats how its spelt) runnin with e Australian atheletes close behind her..notabli Kim Rawlinson came close to overtakin her...n e Australian commentators were sayin how Uganda had never won a Gold at e Commonwealth Games in Track n Field..n how good n prepared Kim Rawlinson was..n at 1 lap, when Dorcas Itiuri was tirin visibly, they were crowin,"Looks like e Gold is goin to Australia after all..well Dorcas Was a tough competitor but it looks like Kim's got it made" or something to dat effect..with 2 laps to go still..

n then, e unthinkable happened in e 2nd last lap...Kim Rawlinson stumbled when clearin e hurdle (e cops would have gotten her in Victorian England)...a momentary blip but tired Dorcas slipped past..n e gap widened exponentially...n e Crowd roared...poor 3rd world Uganda received her 1st Gold in Track n Field at the Commonwealth Games in e most gruellin event...there's an old Arabic phrase for such a moment..Kull Wahad...I am profoundli stirred..

e world n human beings will alwaez say, "oh, u're not good enough..u dun hav it in u..u've had such a history of injury u're never comin back..blah, blah, blah.." i'm very fed up of their nonsense..but sometimes i actualli begin to believe them...u're not good enough for Christ or to be loved by anyone...then some1 like Dorcas Itiuri comes up n runs e race n makes a statement..."F* u!"...who r u pple to look down on us? God has not given up on us..who r u on even who am i to give up??

run i say, run like ur life depends on it..run like there's no tomorrow..run for everything dat should have been but was not..run for all dat God had for u but dat e world tries to deny u n mi...Run Free..Thank You Dorcas for dat lesson...

Runnin Afta You

its when ur world falls apart for some reason dat u begin searchin for meanin outside urself n ur comfort zone...my world fell apart recently for several reasons n i've tried to dissect e anatomy of a world breakin apart..

Should we read a good book, listen to sad music or mope aroun n cry? we could indulge in drunken binge-in or stay stuck in our room all day..i've done all these b4 when my world fell apart in e past but they're all not very-good-solutions to relieve e pain..

of late, e 'tactic' i was led to try was to turn more to God in search of peace n meanin..dis came durin my times of prayer n Bible-readin when e storm arose..i decided (with God's grace) to give it up to Him n let Him be God of my life n situation..i den experienced a great awakenin i last felt at 13 in SAS...God is Not an emotional crutch in times of trouble dat many think is e case..dats why dey dun turn to Him..but its not true..He offers more den temporal help n emotional support..He truli heals n dats not wat many therapies or treatments can claim to have done..

so well, i learnt recently to focus my eyes on my Best Fren n Run e race..even to e ends of e earth..i guess we all need to re-order our priorities in life n return to wats truli mportant...for mi, i've got Someone who means nore to mi than any other...just like Aragon in Lord of the Rings who told Frodo, "i would have followed you to the very end..even into e fires of Mount Doom"...in Frenship faithfulness, in Victory magnanimity, in Defeat defiance n in Runnin, supreme focus

Sometimes

I experienced 1 of e lowest week of my life last week..so much so dat i actualli had to call up kian to complain bout stuff..n he in turn complained bout his life n problems..

e only redeemin grace was perhaps listenin to guest speaker Pastor Mario Pugue speak at church on 'Running the Race'..God does noe how 2 speak when n where we most need it..

there'll alwaez be problems in life n christians who hurt..a church dat is callous n bluntly insensitive..but now i noe i got Someone on my side..Look to Christ was the lesson i learned last weekend..all e time..

most of u frens, bros n sistas noe i'm realli distressed cos i dun normalli do sermons on my blog...but after last week, i feel i deserve 2 be a lil' preachy n not-too-subtle..

i got e rite priorities in ma life now i swear..for fear of God slappin mi awake again...n kian, we both betta think thru wats important to us in life at dis point..n e temptations dat may lead us individually to de-rail individual hopes n dreams..

EYe of Da StOrM

I was at Mardi Gras on Sat down in Sydney...it was extremely interesting but also sadly distressing to see half-naked 50 year old women walking around on floats that screamed "Chingay!" but with all the gay and lesbian personnel involved with their "IKEA supports Homsexual Rights at Work" slogans. HAve u heard of this group called "gaycatholics australia" or "The Episcopal Church of New South Wales " supporting homosexual Christians? apparently gays and lesbians are also Christians n have been tryin to gain recognition from the church for some time.."Jesus loves Gays and Accepts them for Who They Are"....i dunno man..there's plenty of debate on homosexuality in the church n outside e church but little on e status of such christian she-brother/he-sister individuals..

after that, i came back to University Life..Real Deal Boring..submissions this fri on (of all things) Dog Kennel Design...its not just e design but evrything from the choice of materials to the detailed structural supports for e walls n roof..then there was e site visit to Tocal Homestead to draw/sketch 'vernacular architecture' aka farm buildings with life sheep n cows..not 2 mention their sh*T! its very high-key n hands-on in Newcastle Architecture...no slack pace with many assignment deadlines on e same day but given out earlier /later..the learnin curve has been steep i tell ya..from simple elevation the 1st week to dog kennel design in week 2 n now Architectural Description and Analysis Drawings of farms in the 3rd..

one day i'll get round 2 writtin bout just wat it is dat these dumb blokes called Architecture students do n why they're up so late every nite..i sorry to u guys if i've not been on msn much..e uni connection is atrocious n they seem to have banned msn on e network...ang mos...n then e assignment hav just kept comin n comin..i've been tryin to speak the 'architectural language' of trusses n arches n spaces...but am like e babe b4 'dada' comes rollin outta dat pie-hole in ma face...

i'm still seein if June is open for mi 2 fly home for 5 weeks..unless there r assignment or SSA Newcastle(S'pore Students Association) wants to organise activities which i'll try helpin out at as a member...(they're darn pathetic here man)...at least FOCUS(Fellowship of Overseas Christian Uni Students) is not so screwed up..i miss Singapore, my frens n bros n prata,laksa,durian,hokkien mee, char kway teaow..u name it...

Speakin of Waitin

Waitin..dats a some big stuff huh?a soldier waits to enter battle, an nsf waits to ORD, a pregnant mother waits to give birth n a man waits at e altar for his bride to walk down the aisle..its wat 3 quarters of life is about..waitin for stuff 2 happen..

i wish dat it were'nt so much waitin..sometimes we shd move out of comfort zones to get things movin n active like Tom Hanks in Terminal...but there's a time for waitin n a time for actin i believe..its just dat i sometimes dun noe e timing for each..

well, i wish sometimes dat God would not approve or allow of our waiting..it sounds so wasteful its almost criminal..but then again..who r we to question His purposes or will? i 've learned e hard way dat waitin for somethin is difficult, but actin out of timin would make a matter impossible..dats learnin to trust in God (or for my non-christian frens, e powers dat b)..

finalli, waitin is something dat does help us take stock of wat we've been thru n wat we want for our lives..though i often dun see it like dat at all..but dun be surprised if e wait turns out something u never expected or believe was possible..my theory is dat God allows waitin to reveal stuff to us dat we would not confront or r unable to confront cos we hav a wrong view of God or life..or e world or ourselves..so then mayb dats y we wait...not certain..wait till u get to ask God Himself on judgement day...

Sian

der weekend was sian as the Hokkien calls it...a nice bit of pot-luck on sat was the only real attraction but its just been so borin over here...i guess my expectations of uni life overseas r being turned on their head..there's no hard, crazy partyin dat i need to avoid (at least here) or realli great spiritual revelations to contemplate..neither extremely over-frenli pple here to meet nor close-knit Singaporeans to have as close frens...like e kind in sec sch n jc..its just flatline durin e week n more flat these last few weekends...of course, i did use it to further some readin n 'resource acquisition' dat has greatly spurred mi on to find out more bout building n architecture n increased knowledge..but dats it..just waitin to start on my assignments which were handed out late late week..waitin is a killer i tell u..waitin..

You won't Believe This

Guys, you won't believe this...the Auchmuty Library at Newcastle Uni here has got 2 shelves full of weapons design and specifications data..everything from naval gunnery to radio-control telemetry for guided missiles and the technical explainations of atomic weapons..i'll try uploadin the pictures i took of the book titles as i saw them sittin on e shelves then u can se for urself...these r not just guidebooks or Jane's pictorial collections but actual engineering principles and relevant formulae for calculation of for instance, how wide is the radar beam for 'collecting' and guidin radio-beam riding missiles to their targets..seems to be an elective on weaponry like dat for electrical engineering...power-packed right? lets see if i can get enrolled in such an elective for my 3rd year...hey, after all..they emphasise a Liberal Education here with a capital L and E right? dats 1 of e beauties of overseas education..

Floorplans n Samples

There r things dat attract my eye like a magnet n which stir me brain stew…n I’m not talking bout women whose dressin would shame Paris Hilton (even though they’ve NOT got her body)..

Anyway, the thing is..durin e previous weekend (one of e most bluidy borin around) , I had e opp 2 take a bus 2 Charlestown, Newcastle with some o’ these fella s’porean mates n hav a look around e place..

It so happened dat I had 2 use e piss-station aka toilet/gents/john/wc wateva at e local shoppin mall..n there I found dat outside e toilet was e floorplan n internal layout of e said toilet..not onli dat, but also samples of e tiles, materials n fittings used 2 build e toilet..wa..i tot..so comprehensive..

It seems dat every buildin has floorplans for each level prominently displayed near e entrance n exits..but a floorplan for e toilet n sample fittings? Dats whacko…they r very safety-consious here…even e rental house has got smoke detectors dat must be checked 6 monthly n certified by professionals in e industry…so as 2 prevent accidental death by fire for e residents…

I wonder, a society dat places so much emphasis on safety can’t b all dat bad rite? Mayb..but its still strange n difficult adjustin...safety is a sign of a mature society n a liberal 1 at dat…but its also e sign of pple who may b too sheltered n protected n unwilling 2 face e realities of the big, bad, real world…protectionist n liberal? Ironic isn’t it? But mayb dats realli Australian society for u..

Quirks n Such

When i get a betta connection i'll probabli upload some photos of e stuff i'm gonna be postin bout..well now, the subject of today's post is strange quirks of Australia n Australians dat i've observed in my short time here..

u noe, over here they call pick-up trucks SUVs (wat de f*) n Burger King is NOT Hungry Jacks..they r 2 separate fast-food companies operatin in Australia..at least dats wat a sydney-side dweller told mi..they hav a socialist equality society on Campus with Che Guevara as role model (dis is a western democratic country?) n pple actualli join a society to dress up as ancient knights to fight imaginary battles with each othr (e ang moh version of anime cross-dress role-playin)...Australia..Truli Weirder...

oh n when u spot shoppin trolleys abandoned by e roadside..u can call in 2 e shoppin centre (to tell them where u saw these) n hav e chance to b chosen in a lucky draw 2 win $1000 in cash..wa..s'pore got like dat gd lor..by e way, my record is spottin 5 trolleys in the space of 4 hours by e roadside..dats 5 chances 2 win $1000 rite?

n wat bout academics? i found dat 1 of the similarities e uni administration shares (among others) with my 'favourite' organisation..e SAF is dat they love to take damn poor quality digital photos of students for our student id cards..i should just hav given them my passport photo to take a picture of..i would hav looked betta...now i'm lookin green(literalli) n my face is shifted left like somebody chopped my head off n sewed it back 3 cm to the left of my neck(ok i'm exaggeratin) but its damn pai kuah i tell u...

n one final thing bout Australians dat puzzles mi..why do they love to wear shorts, singlets, halter-neck tops, tube-tops n sandals when e uni is so infested with mosquitoes dat r suckin them dry? oh well..they're strange creatures la..still takin in n accomodatin their quirks even as i discover them daily..

Matters of Administration

Here I am, poised almost on e eve of commencement of university classes, lectures, tutorials n studio work..n i'm wonderin..how does a university run itself when it has cases of international students not bein able to enroll..due 2 a screw-up with e allocation of advanced credits for previous diploma qualification?

dat seems to b e problem for 1 of my frens whose problem has not been resolved though he has had a place at Newcastle since last November..n addin insult to injury, the university lecturer says we're 'harassin' him when we seek him for a solution..wtf..we're in e wrong to b worried bout our own education when pple r screwin it up? i don't think so...

i did finali get the opportunity to meet the woman supposed to arrange accomodation for us overseas International students..n who, needless 2 say, made a mess..i thanked her for her help...bein e 'polite, quiet n politicalli correct asian' i am (or rather am supposed to be)..but in e back of my mind i was alraedy rubbin ma hands in glee over e new target on my dartboard..

but i like it here overall la..just dat its not exactly a 'home away from home'..n its not e 'wonderful' drink, sleep-aroun, laid back, party-n-havoc lifestyle many make it out 2 b...beginnin 2 think its gonna not dat much different frm NUS or NTU...'cept for a more screwed-up administration n n lecturers speakin so-fast-n-monotonous dat its no different frm listenin to a PRC/Indian lecturer teachin engineerin/computer science modules..

oh de onli realli gd thing i feel is dat e Christian societies here r not just One Big VCF groupin..every faculty has its own Christian Fellowshp (at least dats wat i think since seein e Engineerin Christian Fellowship yesterday) n they all come under the Newcastle Christian Society headed by a university chaplaincy with associated sch chaplain..n they're allowed to b much more active then ever possible in Singapore..rite from Day 1 of Orientation in Every faculty..dats reachin a mass audience if u ask mi..

New-In_Da_Castle

wats it like these days of livin "under the sun" in the Southern hemisphere where its 3 hours ahead of HOME timin n June winters after December summers? different dats all...very different..

e 1st mag i picked up was e student publication...1 o' e main articles was "How to Cater to Drug Users at House Parties"..well 1 can set aside a 'green room' (ironic rite) for shootin among othr things...n e next articl was written by e student head of e Newcastle University Homosexuals Society advocatin "standin up for e rights of all homos, lesbians, gays, transexuals" etc in "an increasingly homophobic society"..student activism alrite..

N o' course e size o' e wildlife (namely mosquitoes ala Mozzies in local aus-slang-speak) is simply mystifyin...never hav i seen so many different species of mosquitoes in 1 location..brown, stripped, black u name it..its here on campus..i'm drained(literalli) aftr each day o' sch due 2 these lovely, protected, n much-loved animals..i hate it when stupid bit**es go down on mi with their filthy mouths..

n it is true dat ang mohs giv preference 2 de same species...all hostel rms went straight 2 aussie locals (aka w-coloured) with minimal effort..n at e so-called International House, e onli international students seem 2 b German, American, Finnish/Swedish exchange students (read pale-skins)..dun misunderstand..i'm not racist..but i will state wats an obvious observation..

n another thing, while culture shock is not noticable (yet)..i find dat e locals overhere can b quite contradictory..while they can b frenli in greetin n service, they're very private n reticent (i.e shy) when it comes to makin frens..but no one who's not lived here would realise this of course...stupid singaporean pple who think ang moh society means everythin good n perfect..wake up la..but let mi stress I Dun Hate Dem or Dislike Them Personalli...

Underworld

i've arrived n am in e library usin e wireless now..

e dumb *toot* here tried Victoria Bitter..if he had just listened to mi..n Jasmine.. 

Richard's Nite Out 

Wala with e Guys 

E 'BBC' i'll miss 

The Band n Musik i'll Miss 

Things i'll Miss

Before i begin, let mi just say dat i hate my mudder-f***** computer..i've been tryin 2 upload pics for e last hour w/o success...sorry Eugene, i'll watch my tongue for Christ..

lets see, there's several things i'll miss goin to Australia...first, the music at Wala Wala which has the best live band this side of the planet..had my last 'music therapy' session on Fri..amazin stuff this band plays..such wondrous music...as Mr Tummnus the fawn in Narnia would say..goin there with Kian n Richard showed mi wat true frenship was again..unlike pple who hav been untrue n insincere..whom am i speakin off? i told Kumu bout dat person, rite bro?its not him la..

well, besides Wala wala which moves e soul n spirit 2 greater heights,e othr experience i had was meetin Eugene, Kumu, Fuzz, Dean, Shaun n Yk for dinner come late birthday celebration..thanks for dat bag guys n yes, i'll remembr e advice as i head down under...will miss our 'fireside' chats w/o e fire..these r true bros who've been with mi so long..

n i'll miss other frens like Rich n Kian, Shamir, Varun n Tsang, Yvonne n my church mates, Cheryl, Cherlynn n Sze Hwei...u hav a special place in ma heart always...n fellow bloggers like Shian, Daniel n e rest..e world would be much duller but for ur comments online..

i dun noe when's e next time i can blog aftr e 8th cos gettin a broadband connection might take some time..but i will keep dis blog updated as much as possible..sorry dat e last few entries hav been very mundane n non-reflective...i hope to do a deeper post tm or b4 i leave..cheers...now bout those photos...

Cost-Cutting or Standard Dropping?

its been said that absence makes the heart fonder...but sometimes it just makes me realise dat things can change for the worse...for dumb reasons..

at a farewell lunch organised by fellow church mates at Pizzahut today, i realised that standards hav fallen quite far since last i went..in e 1st place, no more buffet seemed 2 be served..at least not at dat outlet which had previously done so..

then, i realised that the salad does not come with soup anymore...even though 2 big steamin pots were placed at the salad area for apparent self-help...well the lady said no, they were not part of the salad..then i saw e big sign dat said onli 1 helpin for salad per person..dats very bluid-y petty, small-minded n unprofessional to mi...

n of course, the quality of food was of an appreciably lower standard than previousli...esp e pasta...my take on all dis? cost-cuttin n lowered standards to cater to a more mass-market..dats wat u get in goin too mainstream...quality becomes diluted as well..

its nice to hav warm n frenli service dat serves great food to a consistent audience which appreciates n spreads e word by mouth...but many companies n pple forget their target crowd when they get big..just like the old Airwalk shoe coy in America..its better to stay small, lean n hungry even if low-profile..i believe dat doin so actualli attracts more pple than bein flamboyant n flashy..

anyway, it'd do us all a lot of good if Pizzahut would return to e benchmark golden late 80s-early 90s period of food quality, service n innovation dat was longer lastin than crappy chinese new year menus with 'candy-floss' prosperity dishes dat dun leave a lastin impression on e tongue, stomach, mind or heart...dats my say..

frens i'll miss 

My Kimberly...smart n strong..but not too feminine 

Kinder Garten

Some day, when i'm older..i imagine strange blokes givin mi a call in e middle o' e nite,"Uncle Jonathan, do u still hav pictures of mi when i was a child..yes..those taken at Chinese New Year every year? Can i hav a copy of them in digital format? Why? you see, i'm gettin married soon, n i'd like a slideshow at e weddin dinner of all those growin up moments...wat? 200bucks?!"

Little nephews n nieces runnin around today n grown up tml...inconceivable yet inevitable..Chinese New Year is e time when i look at e kids n how they've grown n progressed in their own lives...also e time i listen to certain elders talk bout their experiences n views on life which are..for want of a better word..enlightenin..though i'd never say dat to their faces of course..

i never knew soya sauce n rice was e secret of Japanese longeveity...or dat politics is such a...rewardin profession dat leaves lastin verbal legacies for ministers...

well, thanks to those who came for my New Year Lunch to day..do hope it was warm n welcomin..if u hav'nt noticed, e atmosphere i wa tryin to create was dat of the fren-li though untidy home ala Badger's house in Wind in the Willows...mayb it worked n mayb it din...but i hope all had a good time dat remains deepli etched for some time..

N yup, i've uploaded some photos of the new year so far...mostly pics of my nephews n nieces though, as 1 can observe...still figurin out dat camera so pray forgive...Oh, and..Happy Chinese New Year..

Shaun or is it Sean? Babyface 

Glenn storm-trooper huntin Uruk Hai 

Wayne Skwalker with lightsaber (batteries sold separately) 

No-Sweets-For-Acting-Cute-Dearie 

Pretty in Stripes??? 

My Favourite Niece..Rhe-Anne 

Ethan (Long Way Round Pose) 

my dorky new year pic with e church ladies 

Movies n Cameras

When i 1st saw e book Memoirs of a Geisha i tot it was another self-glorifyin biography of sex n high-class prostitution..when i read it (borrowed from a fren) i realised it was quite touching n poignant..den of course e movie came out...

typical Hollywood hubris dat is a "monument to mediocrity" just like Kevin Federline's newest album...Sayuri/Chiyo not fleshed out at all n e endin like some fairy tale plot...of course Gong Li's portrayal of Hatsumomo would be a savin grace in such circumstances...i tried so hard to feel for Sayuri...but could not with all e focus on screenplay rather than interpersonal character development..its realli shallow compared to e book...

anyway, i caught e movie at 1 in e afternoon with my cousin in a realli empty cinema whose no. of audience could b counted on e fingers of 1's hands..n it was fliipin bluidy cold...i kept askin myself how much Zhang Zhiyi has grown as an actress since Crouchin Tiger, Hidden Dragon Days...undiscernible was e answer i was forced to come away with..still bland n lackin in depth of expression..

but at least they managed to keep e movie dignified n not sleazy..i realised durin e movie dat i was right(to some extent) after all...Geishas really were high class prostitutes in a manner of speakin...wat with e Mizuage biddin n "eels in caves"..i just din realise it when caught up in e current of the story while readin e book..thanks Hollywood!

anyway , i oso got myself dat nice Panasonic FX 8 for capturin overseas shots..still tryin to get e hang of it but its a step in e rite direction i believe..can take more professional n longer lastin photographs now i guess..Thank God i had a lobang or openin with my fren Ricky, who gave it to mi at a good price..with 512mb memory card, screen protector n other accessories...e shop he worked at was tremendousli good at rippin pple off i heard...but checkin a few places i found his offer not bad...which was assurin..at least i noe he's not a crook like e rest of e pple in dat shop..(at least not to a fren)

well, considerin dat gettin a digital camera has been at e top of my to-get list since 2001, its a certain relief to be able to get it finalli..now i do truli hope i can upload pix onto dis blog n capture images when i party n study...financial independence is crucial to gettin many accessories actualli..but another time on dat topic..

Dats how i see miself sometimes..haha 

Bak Kwa

its funny when u go all e way down somewhere to meet someone to get something..esp something as innocuous as Bak Kwa or barbequed sweet meat for e Chinese New Year dats comin up at e end o' e week..

dats wat i had to do today, collectin an order frm a fren who was sellin Bak Kwa...all e way down at the National University of Singapore...i was alwaez apprehensive of going to schs i did not belong to n places where i felt i did not belong..

but i did hav a good time talking to frens who were studyin there...dats e 2nd reason i went down..it must hav seemed strange to frens like Daniel who saw mi prayin with Eugene, Kumu n e rest in public at a small corner of e canteen..but dats how we got thru our JC n A'-level days...only with God n each other for company..

honestly, if you've never been a christian studyin in a public, government sch environment, u won't noe how alone it can feel..esp when pple who dun noe better start to poke fun at u for bein a christian...prob e closest experience like it would hav to b a Jew of the Diaspora..but i sidetrack too much..

it was a good experience meetin frens in e context of an 'education' environment..it makes us look again like we're young, naive n helpless...which we just might pass off as bein if u dun count 2 years 4 months doin hard military trainin in which we've (collectively) fired just about every infantry weapon there is in the arsenal of e SAF...from grenades n M16s to landmines (for mi) n anti-tank weapons dat burn at over 5000 degrees celsius when they hit u..

well, e moral of e story prob is dat one should collect Bak Kwa on a day when u're not rushin, esp when its from NUS students..since its a good excuse to meet up..oh and Kian, thanks for e surprise guest who came with e Bak Kwa delivery..sweet real sweet..e meat i mean..

Dreams are made angeldust 

i dream.... 

Clone Bores

life is like a box of chocolates..you never know wat u're gonna get..as Tom Hanks observed so famousli in dat classic movie, Forest Gump..sometimes, though, it seems dat all the chocolates in der box look alike n taste alike...same factory, same assembly line processes, same candy mix...identical n conformist..

today's topic is CLONES...esp certain ones popularly termed O.Ls (Office Ladies)..they're pretty, dress to kill (or rather burst e thermostat in any room) n they wear loads of MAC, Shiseido n Kanebo...or wateva else is popular in make-up...man, seein them on a sidewalk in the heart of the CBD is akin to spottin dozens of identical quintuplets in a birthin ward at Kendang Kerbau Maternity Hospital...

please can any1 tell mi why they're all dressed in black, smoke Marlborough Menthol Lights n carry Gucci/Prada (or imitation Gucci/Prada) handbags dat dun seem able to hold an IC...n why they're all in slinky heels (Michael Crichton calls 'em "come f**k mi shoes") or stilettos?

They're hot n realli get under a man's skin i admit...until they open their mouths dat is..but in a club, many-a-guy would be caught with his pants down, so to speak, tryin to get a dance with them..

i saw a few O.Ls today while i was at Maccafe in Lido havin my usual cuppa..n i realli could not see e difference between them...in black as usual n lookin liked they shared clothes from e same wardrobe..they looked same fit to mi at least..n why do they love each other's company so much? i wonder...is it a open-n-shut case of, breathe deeply..solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris..or misery loves company in Latin..or simply because they flock together for safety from dat chief predator, man?

well, wateva it is, they look so hostile, aloof, cold n stuck-up..but i'd still like to hav one wrapped round my arm or other orifices...but seriousli, clones dun look healthy in Singapore or for dat matter, any part of e world...originality n personal style is much more valuable n impressive..so OL wannabes,i hope u giv dat some tot before u put on ur LBT tomorrow...

Reasons

Why not SIngapore? Why Newcastle or for dat matter why Australia? Many r e reasons man...i can only recount dat which is not offensive, nor classified nor too personal n liable to hurt others..

first off, Engineerin is not ma cup of tea(so to speak)..i dun forsee myself doin engineerin till i'm 50 or 60..though its stable n well-payin..its taken mi 5 years to realise dis or rather, to face reality..i suck at maths n i hate maths deep down..i dread every single equation n formula i had to memorise n learn...as well as every test i failed..but plese dun think i'm a coward.i tried for 5 years after all..

for a long time i din noe wat else to do..then i remembered my design days back in sec sch..dat was alwaez my fav subject..next to History of course..after choosin JC instead of Archi or Design at Temasek Poly, i've now come full circle to where i was aftr sec 4..i love design..its in my blood..like one day mayb ministry..God gives us only so much rope to run aroun on a leash..finalli back to where He wants us to go..not dat i can say God told mi so or something..but there seems some poetic justice in my decisions la...

n theres Australia...Gabriel choice of cambridge opened a door i'd previousli told myself was closed..dat of overseas study...my parents wanted to send mi off to UK aftr my o's act or to New Zealand after i ORD'd...i steadfastli refused mayb cos i believed in buyin brand Singapore for a long time..wateva..anywae, i realised NUS Archi was way too strict oso la..n i had to do a whoppin 7 years to qualify as architect...n its not dat great here man..e nearest was Australia n Newcastle was a good mix of cost-effectiveness, location n frankly, academic recognition (n renown) for e course..

spiritualli, i prayed a lot bout it n i had peace to go for Australia...n i felt i should experience church worship n service overseas away from my comfort zone..i've spent all my formative years in Charis which i love but, i felt spiritualli, i needed to be placed in a different church environment away from my parents to grow more balanced n more fully..n its time to learn how churches overseas do things so as to gain from e Body of Christ abroad..I've alwaez believed Christians should not be so inward lookin... n dis fosters n helps mi build my thesis..

emotionalli, i felt some issues n relationships would onli be set rite n placed in perspective if i went away for a while...i dun wanna reveal too much but all i'll say is dat i felt if i remained here, some things would just be fulfillin Vonda Sheperd's song for mi, "Baby dun you break my heart...slow"...i need to move onin some issues basically..

i hate to leave my frens man...but absence does make e heart fonder n guys, i carry e memories, well-wishes n care u hav for mi in my bosom alwaez..."n frens are frenz forever if the Lord's the Lord of them...n a fren will not say never, cos e welcome will not end..though its hard to let u go, in e Father's hands we noe, dat a lifetime's not too long, to live as frenz..." as dat song goes..with u, i'll never walk alone...right Kumu?

Come Feb 8th, i'll say as Jesus said at Gethsamane, "The Hour is at hand, rise, let us be on our way"...indeed..

Back to e Old Sch

Life is meant to be lived forwards not backwards..yez thats interestin...well e weekend was interestin to say e least..headed down to SAS to look at e CCA display..ok i confess, i wanted to see how e new premises had turned out..e ties to family still tug at e heart strings i figure..

well, Daniel..its been a while since i last saw ya with dat chip (bar sorry) on ya shouldr..SIR...keep in touch man..still remembr dat promise i made to be ya best man when e day comes..n frens like Derek..thanx for invitin us to ya BBQ..hav not seen u since graduation..realli nice to meet ya again..n Sam Chong, dun try to be beng la..a specialist is alwaez bettr at doin dat than an officer...Sir..

SAS is different now man..e quadrangle is no longer 'Holy Ground'...e kids run on it lor...where angels fear to tread, fools rush in..i like dat bridge connector to SAJC man...symbolises a kinda comin of age dun u think?if u ignore e sulphur stench from e Kallang River dat is...e architects screwed up e environmental side o' e design man...e heat realli permeats e buildin complex man..neithr cool in e aftrnoon noe warm at nite...but still an improvement ovr e old premises...

still, i dun agree with puttin SAJC so close to SAS n SAJS...3 schs worth o' guys ogglin at babes in shorts n skirts...pity e ladies man..pity e ladies..mayb i'm just jealous cos i din get such an opp in secondary sch..hahahaha...then again...hav u ever wondered if gals like attention or they realli hate guys as they claim? million dollar question dat 1...ladies...help us there will ya??

lets keep each othr updated on our respective lives... guys, shall we? n Da, do ya hav Derek's e-mail add...i wanna thank him for e bbq...serious..

Packin List

wat should i bring along to Newcastle, Australia man?i hav absoluteli no idea...clothing wise, winterwear, outdoor wear, casual, dress wear, underwear, socks, PT attire n trunks..

then there's electronic equipment..laptop, portable hard disk, digital camera, mayb my handspring(another century i noe) n my mp3 n CD players..i do hope i can get on msn regularli down under..

shoes , sandals, stationery, miscellanous other items...e packin will realli be a headache..at least travellin by SIA allows a baggage allowance of 30 kg so dat helps..my dad will be followin mi for e 1st few days to settle mi in which offers some relief before i'm gonna face it alone..

i think it'll still b e case where i wake up 1 mornin n discovr i'm there in e thick of it n up to ma neck n bareli survivin...one song keeps playin in ma mind these daez...runaway train..runaway train never goin back...fears b4 the Big 1 i guess..like e jitters a horse gets b4 a race prob..not dat i'm a horse or stud mind u...

its times like dis i wonder if i made e rite decision..all e reasons r still fresh in ma mind but i just can't shake off dat "wat if" feelin we all get..alternativ history alwaez creeps in...wat if Singapore had not separated frm Malaysia? wat if Britain had not lost Malaya? wat if i had not failed ma a's once? wat if i'd gone to SAJC to b with 'der family' as i still consider it? too many wat ifs...too littl time n too many memories..

i guess its not just e physical packin we gotta handle when we leav a place or close a chaptr on our lives in order to open a new one..we oso hav to pack away some memories, experiences n unfulfilled hopes or dreams..to b left untouched till our return..then we open them like a time capsule to savour, relish n re-appraise them frm a different light..n with e mellowin dat comes with time..

they r never forgotten though..as Neil Gaiman says in his book American Gods,"things wait here, but they will wait until you return"..till then i'll place these memories n experiences in cryogenic suspended animation..here's to foreign travels n eventual homecomings..Cheers!

Therapeutic Talks n Late Nites

e topic for e nite is talk therapy n how it helps get certain poisons outta ones' body..u noe, sometimes human beins need someone to talk to bout their trials n difficulties n bloggin just isn't enuff..we need real human ears n real human interactive responses..mayb someday they'll invent a programme dat generates randomn responses via computer algorithm dat can comfort people under stress or difficulty..but till then..we all still need a listenin ear..

i had a good talk with some buddies over e weekend bout our individual difficulties, problems n pressures faced in camp n life..they're my secondary sch frens who've been with mi for some time n the few whom i talk to regardin my probs...we make it a point to meet regularly for such 'therapy', havin realised earli on wat value dis has..

it started with one of our no, havin difficulties at 1 point in his sec sch life dat led him to drop everythin n 'stone' out at home..a group o' us gathered ourselves n went to hav a chat with him..i guess it took off from there n we had our 1st self-help, talk-therapy group of St Andrews Sch..its great to hav pple u get along with to talk to comfortably bout probs n deep issues as well as insecurities..gal probs, family probs, army probs n financial probs plus hopes, dreams, aspirations n our failures...

when i failed my a-levels 1st time, i talked to these buds...n felt empowered to try again..when i had probs with gals they advised dat gals r not dat important a part of life..how we relate to other pple regardless of sex is more substantial..n when i told them of failed relationshps they told mi dat lovin someone does not mean you have to be with them..settin them free is a greater test of love...n when they are goin thru difficulty in ns, i advise them to hav e mentality,"this too shall pass" n e sun will rise tomorrow as it alwaez does..to e guy who wanted to go into guitar full time after gettin his biz degree at smu we told him to start seriousli lookin for openins n lookin at e market now..thank God he's oso got a good lady lovin him selflessly.. n to e guy who has dis thing on a lesbian..well, i still dun think it'll work out bro..its a 2 way street..they advise n encourage mi n i counsel n support them...

i hav groups of frens for spiritual supp n prayer, groups for hard-nosed realist advice like these n others for shoppin n movie catchin...i treasure them all as my best frens...but e nitez spent talkin bout life n takin stock of e past hav realli been most meaningful to mi..esp as i head off to e University of Newcastle in Australia in Feb..i'm gonna miss u guys man..plus e talks n encouragement u gav mi..like Gabriel oredi at Cambridge, i'll keep in touch n keep bloggin overseas..n we'll meet when i'm back i promise..

so then, if u're a guy(or gal) needin help n advice or prayer, y dun u find a group o' dudes(or chicks; for gals) u can relate to n hang out with for dat background support n soundin out on a regular basis...n do some real serious talkin till e wee hours o' e mornin?

Only the Ready Die (ORD for short)

when i finalli hav e time to get down to serious bloggin aftr e hectic new yr n christmas break, i find dat i'm a new man with a different social status...i hav been officialli a civilian aftr losin my freedom (for 2 years n 4 months in e military) since 24th dec..

i feel good enuff to write a long blog on dis...please bear with mi my pre-ord frens n bros..but let mi tell u dat when my close frens ord'd..dey sms'ed mi in e middle of my outfield trainin..how much worse does it get?i realli went into a downward spin emotionally for e remainder of e day aftr receivin 15 to 20 "ORD loh" messages in e space of half an hour..

e gals will never understand..sometimes i couldn't stand their plattitudes..n i felt so often like tellin em to not display their ignorance bout things they knew nuttin of..esp those who broke up with my gd frens in e army n shortly started goin steady with other guys in uni..we've been at e bottom of e enotional dustbin boyz..fear nothin else anymore..e darktime is almost ovr my army mates..now "those who go down on their bellies to eat the dust of the earth shall arise to rule e universe" as Frank Herbert says in his book Dune..may all e nascent energies n latent passions of e oppressed be unleashed as in e days of Marx n Engels..let e world be engulfed in blood n fire once more..

when u ord..its just anothr day..anti-climatic rite?dats wat i tot oso..but e realisation dat somethin has changed comes to mind gradualli..no worries bout when to go back to camp..free weekends (esp Sundays) every week, bein abl to sleep, wake n eat as n when one pleases..n best of all..noe-in for once dat no one realli gives a dam* when u screw up somethin..freedom can be scary sometimes..there hav been nites i dreamt i was still back in e trenches diggin n waitin for dawn with its inevitable assault to arrive..i reach for my rifle by my side only to find it gone n i'm all alone..holdin e line..i wake in cold sweat, a silent scream echoin in my head..leave no man behind?!..n i'm starin at e bright sunlight in an empty bedroom..without meanin or purpose..ORD loh??

some of my frens hav had such trouble findin jobs post-national service except low-payin dead-end types like shop assistants..its hard to go back to e workin world aftr 2 odd years..we're rust buckets n inexperienced..havin had littl opp to put wat we learned in jc or poly to use in ns..dats y i personalli feel studyin for a while is better aftr leavin e army..howeva, all of us(commandrs at least) r full of fight..in e tradition of e fightin man who's had great odds stacked against him..we want to meet life's challenges head-on w/o shirkin..2 years is enuff time wasted..e time of youthful games n fun is past, e time of hard-nosed realism is at hand...

in conclusion, i would like to dedicate dis post to e memory n lives of fighters n soldiers who i esteem more highly than e 'toy' generals in e SAF..men like Moshe Dayan, Yitzhak Rabin, Ariel Sharon n women like Golda Meir n formr US Supreme Court Judge Sarah Day O'Connor.. Out. Run. Destiny...ORD loh