Nights

while at Merdeka Night with my Malaysian friends i found myself completely enjoying the cultural performances that we in Singapore disdain outright or ignore, such as the DiKay Barat, Bollywood dances, Silat performances and even, God forbid, the Chinese fan dance..i came away with the conviction that Malaysians (overseas at least) love and feel more strongly for their country than us Singaporeans. Inspite of the deep dissatisfaction many Malaysians feel for their government and leaders (and i know this personally), they seem to love their land more than those of us who live across that disputed landmark, the causeway.

one day i pray that my countrymen will love their homes and fellow citizens without and beyond the nationalistic, propagandistic jingoism that rings full of shallow cliches during our own National Day.

In other news, university commitments reared their ugly head this week and i fought a desperate battle keeping my head above the water while threading as hard as i possibly could. All to no avail as i emerged from my Schematic submission Crit bloodied and wounded. Still, dignity i maintained and cool non-chalance..long have i learned that fear is a poison that kills both mind and soul, especially in this profession of Architecture. This much they may take from me, neither my dignity nor my integrity.

I've been reading Yancey's Soul Survivor for a while (not this week though) and must say that Yancey has always been my theological conscience. So whenever i feel like i've got a firm handle on God's Word or God or that i've got everything sorted down pat, i pick up my Yancey and read about Soren Kiekergard, GK Chesterton, CS Lewis, Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi and Shusaku Endo. And i emerge chastised and humbled. Always. I was especially impacted by the biography of Dr C Everet Koop, the Surgeon General of America during the Reagan administration lately and being a public Christian. Lest you think that Koop was your run of the mill Evangelical lobbyist promoted to the White House for favours done to the incumbent administration, well, you're wrong. By maintaining his integrity and Christian compassion in issues like the AIDS education programme of the 80s, providing proper care for homosexual AIDS sufferers inspite of disagreeing with their lifestyle and in not covering up the scientific facts that were inconclusive about the harmful effects of abortion on women (even though he disagreed with abortion) Koop was vindicated as a genuine Christian, not just a political Christian. He suffered for this by being vilified by the Conservative Christian lobbyists of the time of course as having 'sold out'. I think Jesus was proud of him though.


Finally, i started reading Galatians with Dene this week in our one-to-one Bible study times. I've been wondering about my Christian stand toward Law and Grace since having that conversation with S.F of the NWO. I knew all along that the Christian should not abuse God's Grace, for, as FF Bruce famously put it, "Christian Liberty is not Christian License" and that we are saved by grace, not law-keeping, but is the idea of a middle ground between the two (the commonly held view) even Biblical? Are not we Christians supposed to "love the Lord our God with all our heart and mind and soul, with our whole being"? Or else, like the Laodicean church in Revelations 3, "I know your works, you are neither cold nor hot ...So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." The language of the Bible is clear that God does not like wishy-washy, higgledy-piggledy Christianity. What about Law and Grace? Well, my adventure continues but thats enogh for one night. Until next time, see ya's!

November Rain

Please indulge a Guns and Roses Moment..oh for the strength of Slash! May i also surmount it all like Slash on Elton John's Grand Piano, ascendant, transcendant in musical ecstasy.

Updates

Some of my FOCUS bible study group went out recently for a guys' dinner at an Indian takeaway place. During the conversations, one of us talked candidly about his difficulty in relating to ladies and asked for some advice and counsel. Immediately, we all started this soul-baring confession of our own difficulties in this area. Knowing the monkey that i am, i flippantly and defiantly declared,"all i can say about the opposite sex is that it isnt worth it." Of course, a lot of this is from bitter experience which i've sworn not to bring up again, but it touched some raw nerves and (almost) reopened some old wounds.

today, some friends i met began talking to me about the whole singleness and dating thing again, though of course, in not such diplomatic language. i'm beginning to discern a discomforting pattern here. Added to all this is the Newcastle Christian Students' (NCS) Mission Week talk entitled "The Ultimate Sex" next week at the Bar-On-The-Hill, Thursday. What a way to evangelize your lost friends..just bring them to a talk on the ultimate sex and what Jesus has to say about that. My almost-monastic peace and quiet away from such thorny issues has been totally disrupted.

i do not know what to make of all this completely. What is it that God is trying to say? or is He saying anything about this at all? Man, this sure is a tough one.

oh and by the way, i've been having these really strange and pretty disturbing dreams lately. One of those i remember was a good friend i know from back home marrying this psychopath and me being introduced to him for the first time and thinking, "man, this guy's a real psychopath." and turns out (in my dream anyway) i gradually discover that he's a psychopath so i was spot on. Can one even dream irony? Another was me being humiliated by this person i did not like publicly and then without explaination being dumped by my dream girlfirend whom i had not even met before. i woke up with a shock and very very sad, almost wanting to cry..then i realised it was all a dream. How silly of me...haha..this is so weird really..

oh boy, time to go to bed and more dreaming i presume..

An allegorical Story

This is the story of Aurvandil, Sea Lover..it is allegorical and those who know what and who it is about, forgive me..

Aurvandil, son of Aeorgaerd, huntsman of the Arvangeins returned from the Great Hunt at World's End, expecting to find his wife and children waiting for him in their home. However, the only thing that remained in the ashes and flames of his former home was his father's broken hat and memories of a better life, a life that was no more.

"Father!" he cried, "where are you?" Only silence and the scent of emptiness. Nothing. Aurvandil, hunter of creatures, great and small, sat felled by death, the death of those he loved. Many moons passed where he sat amidst the ruins of hearth and home. Finally the hunter came to his senses. "Blood, the blood of those who have broken me." A true hunter's response. With bow and lance, short sword and belly of fire rises he. So began the Hunt of Aurvandil.

He slashes his way through ranks of flesh, cutting, stabbing, thrusting, hacking. Till none is left. Then what? "Answers!" he screams. Still nothing. Finally he arrives at the gates of Beorguldor, what in former days was called Bewagudoriien. "Answers! Who did this?" Then comes the greatest blow of all. When a man loses his loved ones, he knows only to hunt. When a man knows truth, what does he do?

There, in Beorguldor, he sees his wife enslaved in the harem of Rex Maximus, his children under the slave masters' whip. Aurvandil's Hunt has come to its conclusion. His sword blooded on servants, priests and sword thanes of Rex Maximus, he faces the Rex himself in battle.

Thrust, slash, counter-thrust, riposte! Parry, feint, strike..hour after hour the duel proceeds with increasing intensity. Climax flames into existence for swiftest instant and it is over. Aurvandil lies dying in his own blood, defiant and unbowed till the end. His body will be burned on ceremonial pyre, his ashes scattered over the tombs of the Rexes. "This one was worthy of Rex Maximus sword." That will be his legacy, his name and memory invoked by the scribes and priests of Beorguldor. In time they will say his death at the sword of Rex Maximus was his apotheosis. He will be made a god and come to be guardian of all in Beorguldor who hunt or carry the sword.

But still his father is dead, his home destroyed forever, his wife and children enslaved. Sad Aurvandil, mourn we with you.