Confession is good for the soul they say..if so i must confess certain issues in newcastle to u my frens..
some of u guys noe dat i did a little smokin in e army..cos it looked cool (at 18 anything looks cool; God!), cos i was under great stress (try detonating 20 kilos of live explosives 27 times) n cos i was at a very dark n rebellious stage of my life..
i stopped after e army but over here in newcastle i did start again..up to 5 sticks a week..durin my assignment period..i understand e evil of it all n how it destroys e body..which is "temple of the divine"..i made e resolution to stop 2 weeks ago..n hav been strugglin 2 keep it..
its not been total failure n mostli i do keep away from dat which destroys e body...but cravins do come in..mayb its withdrawal..i noe dat its extremeli stupid 2 start lightin up when dark storms gather in ma head..n God, its difficult..but i am prayin bout it continualli n seekin to die to dis nasty habit every day..
i understand Paul talkin bout daily death to self n its carnal desires..sin n temptation come into e picture of life so often n only the mercy of God can grant us e strength to turn away from dat which destroys..everyday i pray for strength n ask for e grace to say no without self-pity..
i'm not perfect; i'm just a human bein like any1 else; with dark tots n feelins..i need God's grace n mercy today..even as i struggle..so..my perfect n beautiful frens..am i, dressed in my ugly n tattered attempts to live a conscienable life before the Almighty n miself..deservin of ur graces?
where strength fails,will i fall into e hands beneathe for rest??
Crossing
9 years ago
1 comment:
Hey bro, i never knew you smoked in the army, and you actually derived enjoyment from it. Quite saddened at the image of you, a friend i knew since innocence, puffing :(
I'd be praying for you regarding this, cause I've been quite shocked to learn that you've had to resort to smoking even now to relief your stress...
I know that being overseas, and being at this stage of life can be really tough, and dark... But pray for self-control ok? and seek good Godly company :)
It's ok to make mistakes, and fall. But you mustn't dwell in it alright? I dont know how easy it would be, but dont pick up another cigerette! Face your problems head on, and i know that one gets more exposed to the effects of his emotions in the absence of familiar people around who would care for you and share your burden, in the absence of the people who might help to absorb the variations in your emotions, so you need to find other means to tame your mood...
Look for other wholesome activities which might help you destress, and also christian company, so that you might share the problems with a group of close friends...
Treasure this overseas experience, and take the troubles which comes as part of the overseas package which will ultimately shape your character, and train you to be more independent...
=)
Gab
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