Finishing the degree

i do sincerely apologise for the long delay in updating this blog and to all my friends with whom relations have been strained through this..the past one and a half months have swamped me as wave after wave of final assignments and design crits hit the shore, so to speak..well, needless to say, its done and dusted..and by God's infinite Grace, i would have graduated..if everything i pass that is.

how does it feel to be done every semester? well, as we in the School of Architecture and the Built Environment here at the University of Newcastle always point out, our semester ends with a whimper, not a bang as for many who have final written, paper media examinations..our process of ending the semester is that much more sublime..

you see, instead of the final, written examination, we have the verbal design examination, or as the name for this goes, the critique (Crit in short)..this is where the entire semester's work is presented and defended within the space of 3 -5 minutes, in front of a panel of design judges. so, it isn't true that Architecture students have no final exam. We do, face-to-fringing-face with our dreaded Design examiners. and whats worse is that we sit through the examinations of our fellow peers , who in turn, sit through ours. and, unlike run-of-the-mill classroom presentations, Crit panelists do go for blood as the norm. I would not expect any outside the Design community to grasp the import of this, really.

i had my design exam for my final developed design phase in October, after which whether one has passed or failed the semester becomes frightfully clear. My final two phases after that were also-rans, to determine whether i got a credit or distinction or barely survived. So, as i said, even though i was swamped until now, the semester really ended with a whimper after the final Crit.

What does it feel to end the semester, especially since, this ends my Bachelor's education? numb actually, because Architecture is a two-tier system that consists of a 3 year Bachelor's degree and 2 year Master's. The first degree really isnt much since one isn't qualified to really design and build and isnt an Architect yet. The second used to be called the B.Arch before it was changed to M.Arch, for no other reason than to inflate the credentials of those who possess it (tipping my hat to Garry Stevens, that insightful Architectural Sociologist). You can't have the second without the first and the first without the second is pretty useless. so, in sum, the final countdown for me is two years more (if by God's Grace they let me out of the doghouse of my Bachelor's this year)

and, needless to say, i am pretty tired of it all. For those who know me, you're aware no doubt that i am no fan of the Establishment and establishment norms. the whole careerism and rat-race thing is about as inspiring to me as pesticide to the cockroach. maybe Philip Jensen and the Sydney Anglicans have brain-washed me, but they are so much more perceptive and discerning about the nature of things and life and God than many of my prosperity gospel believing friends. To them i counsel two things; first, if you chase success and careerism, then by them you will be mastered and finally disillusioned, as the man who chases mirages and phantasms of an oasis in the desert. Second, those who take the road that seems the less in hope and prosperity while the more in suffering and sacrifice are they who truly are wise, for thus do they gain a reward for which there is no measure. Let this be the Doom of Jonathan, if so you will.

Life after Naivete

On the eve of my biggest Design Submission to date, i ponder life and the changes that make us what we are through music..and i'm drawn to The Cranberries' When You're Gone..Irish folk tunes and Irish singers such as Dolores O'Riordan, Sinead O'Connor and U2's Bono move me..hmm, i was going to add Annie Lennox to the mix but wasn't sure she was Irish..why do i like these singers and their music? The sense of Dystopia maybe, the feeling that our society is the lost child of parents who abandoned God and live Outside Eden..maybe the falleness of the human condition..maybe the idea that we're all looking for something that we can't find..maybe the idea that no relationship can fulfill except with a Father who made us and to whom the song below is really addressed to..

In the midst of Lamentations we find the verse, "Because of the Lord's tender mercies we are not consumed, for His love endures forever. His mercies are new every morning. Great is Your Faithfulness." and in the midst of Habakkuk, with all the fierce anger of God being played out, good ol' Haba says, " Though the fig tree does not blossom, nor there be fruit on the vine, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the LORD; i will take joy in the God of my salvation."

I do not understand the plans of God because of the thorns in my flesh..but one thing i know, that by the Grace of God "i spring higher with a thorn in the foot than the man with two whole feet."

The Divine Exchange

Tonight at Focus, i felt my pulse quicken during the study. You see, we've been studying the book of 1 Peter together for the past couple of weeks. Reading stuff about submission and being called to holiness, i honestly felt like i'd heard it all before and struggled in being inspired. To be fair, i realise God's Word needs to be respected and heard in its entirety, whether we enjoy it or are interested in it or not, whether we're inspired or bored with the passage or not. But as a sinful human being, i must admit there are topics and passages i like more than others.

So you can well imagine my surprise tonight at a passage that i had read before and thought i knew well, suddenly coming alive and bearing what seemed like newness and freshness for me. We were reading 1 Peter 3:13 to 4:6. That passage has a lot of thorny issues at first read but really if we understand the context of the surrounding verses and the history of Peter's audience (without getting side-tracked with preaching to the dead for instance) its possible to understand where Peter is coming from and what he's saying.

but when we came to 1 Peter 3:18 it seemed like something struck me. At first i couldn't put my finger on it, until we came to discussion about what people from all ages have in common. The reference at that point was, you guessed it, 1 Pet 3:18. " For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit,.." There, in no uncertain terms, we have it..The Divine Exchange..Jesus Christ, the Righteous, taking the place of the Unrighteous, namely, you, me and everyone in the entire history of humanity.

My pulse started racing real fast. Oh the wonders of the Cross! In the layman's language of the dirty fish market, we have the exact picture of Redemption: a customer makes his selection of fish and pays for it with gold coins. An exchange occurs, a transaction. Smelly fish for precious gold? The Man-of-men for me, the sinner? Who says the Christian God is miserly and conservative? The words "generous" and "radical" seem much more appropriate.

And just when you thought its too good to be true, Peter, that shrewd fisherman, throws in a buy-one-get-one-free fish sale. For Christ did not just die for the unrighteous, he died once for all. The Divine Exchange took place not just for us who live Anno Domini, but for all mankind, from Adam to John the Baptist. Just like a soccer game where a substitute is called on to play in place of a non-performing player (and lets face it, in this game of life, we're all non-performing players), Jesus was our substitute on the Cross, except that, he didn't sub for just one game or one season, he subbed for all games and all seasons and all players.

Thank God is really all i can say, in humility...

On Fear

Fear paralyses and saps.

Fear diminishes and taints.

Fear disheartens and disturbs.

Fear destroys and kills.

Fear prejudices and colours.

Fear breaks and tears.

Fear threatens.

Fear fails, disappoints.

Fear is trouble, Big Trouble.


"Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little Death that brings obliteration.
I will not Fear.
I will let my fear pass over me and through me,
I will turn the inner eye to observe its path.
Where that fear has gone there shall be nothing.
Only i remain."
-Litany against Fear,
Frank Herbert,
Dune

Nights

while at Merdeka Night with my Malaysian friends i found myself completely enjoying the cultural performances that we in Singapore disdain outright or ignore, such as the DiKay Barat, Bollywood dances, Silat performances and even, God forbid, the Chinese fan dance..i came away with the conviction that Malaysians (overseas at least) love and feel more strongly for their country than us Singaporeans. Inspite of the deep dissatisfaction many Malaysians feel for their government and leaders (and i know this personally), they seem to love their land more than those of us who live across that disputed landmark, the causeway.

one day i pray that my countrymen will love their homes and fellow citizens without and beyond the nationalistic, propagandistic jingoism that rings full of shallow cliches during our own National Day.

In other news, university commitments reared their ugly head this week and i fought a desperate battle keeping my head above the water while threading as hard as i possibly could. All to no avail as i emerged from my Schematic submission Crit bloodied and wounded. Still, dignity i maintained and cool non-chalance..long have i learned that fear is a poison that kills both mind and soul, especially in this profession of Architecture. This much they may take from me, neither my dignity nor my integrity.

I've been reading Yancey's Soul Survivor for a while (not this week though) and must say that Yancey has always been my theological conscience. So whenever i feel like i've got a firm handle on God's Word or God or that i've got everything sorted down pat, i pick up my Yancey and read about Soren Kiekergard, GK Chesterton, CS Lewis, Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi and Shusaku Endo. And i emerge chastised and humbled. Always. I was especially impacted by the biography of Dr C Everet Koop, the Surgeon General of America during the Reagan administration lately and being a public Christian. Lest you think that Koop was your run of the mill Evangelical lobbyist promoted to the White House for favours done to the incumbent administration, well, you're wrong. By maintaining his integrity and Christian compassion in issues like the AIDS education programme of the 80s, providing proper care for homosexual AIDS sufferers inspite of disagreeing with their lifestyle and in not covering up the scientific facts that were inconclusive about the harmful effects of abortion on women (even though he disagreed with abortion) Koop was vindicated as a genuine Christian, not just a political Christian. He suffered for this by being vilified by the Conservative Christian lobbyists of the time of course as having 'sold out'. I think Jesus was proud of him though.


Finally, i started reading Galatians with Dene this week in our one-to-one Bible study times. I've been wondering about my Christian stand toward Law and Grace since having that conversation with S.F of the NWO. I knew all along that the Christian should not abuse God's Grace, for, as FF Bruce famously put it, "Christian Liberty is not Christian License" and that we are saved by grace, not law-keeping, but is the idea of a middle ground between the two (the commonly held view) even Biblical? Are not we Christians supposed to "love the Lord our God with all our heart and mind and soul, with our whole being"? Or else, like the Laodicean church in Revelations 3, "I know your works, you are neither cold nor hot ...So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." The language of the Bible is clear that God does not like wishy-washy, higgledy-piggledy Christianity. What about Law and Grace? Well, my adventure continues but thats enogh for one night. Until next time, see ya's!

November Rain

Please indulge a Guns and Roses Moment..oh for the strength of Slash! May i also surmount it all like Slash on Elton John's Grand Piano, ascendant, transcendant in musical ecstasy.

Updates

Some of my FOCUS bible study group went out recently for a guys' dinner at an Indian takeaway place. During the conversations, one of us talked candidly about his difficulty in relating to ladies and asked for some advice and counsel. Immediately, we all started this soul-baring confession of our own difficulties in this area. Knowing the monkey that i am, i flippantly and defiantly declared,"all i can say about the opposite sex is that it isnt worth it." Of course, a lot of this is from bitter experience which i've sworn not to bring up again, but it touched some raw nerves and (almost) reopened some old wounds.

today, some friends i met began talking to me about the whole singleness and dating thing again, though of course, in not such diplomatic language. i'm beginning to discern a discomforting pattern here. Added to all this is the Newcastle Christian Students' (NCS) Mission Week talk entitled "The Ultimate Sex" next week at the Bar-On-The-Hill, Thursday. What a way to evangelize your lost friends..just bring them to a talk on the ultimate sex and what Jesus has to say about that. My almost-monastic peace and quiet away from such thorny issues has been totally disrupted.

i do not know what to make of all this completely. What is it that God is trying to say? or is He saying anything about this at all? Man, this sure is a tough one.

oh and by the way, i've been having these really strange and pretty disturbing dreams lately. One of those i remember was a good friend i know from back home marrying this psychopath and me being introduced to him for the first time and thinking, "man, this guy's a real psychopath." and turns out (in my dream anyway) i gradually discover that he's a psychopath so i was spot on. Can one even dream irony? Another was me being humiliated by this person i did not like publicly and then without explaination being dumped by my dream girlfirend whom i had not even met before. i woke up with a shock and very very sad, almost wanting to cry..then i realised it was all a dream. How silly of me...haha..this is so weird really..

oh boy, time to go to bed and more dreaming i presume..