Gettin Stuff off my mind

sometimes i need to get things off my chest n i feel bloggin bout it seems e best way..

i've had some nasty experiences in e past with certain persons whom i was chasin...n dat threw mi off datin for quite some time..

den i realise dat someone comes along n e whole world can turn upside n down..but den it makes mi recall past failures n nasty experiences n makes mi realli apprehensive over e whole issue..

n i feel horrible all over again..insecurity comes in n a lack of confidance which realli shows mi up for who i am..alwaez over-analyzin n worryin bout bein made use of while actin e coward 2 often..face to face with my own shortcomins is like lookin in2 a dark mirror..just like e Corinthian character in e Sandman series..revealin e darkest secrets n facets of what we are n wat we are afraid 2 face up to..n there we find our darkest passions dat grip us n hold us in a vice n drive us forward...

dun be fooled..every1 has a or some dark passions...n i dun think these r bad neccessarily..just wat God puts in us dat allows us 2 struggle with, sometimes overcomin, sometimes succumbin...n invariabli turned 2wards His noble ends..

my dark passion/s? A main one is the search for identity, security n Respect..yes..dat word...Respect...my pax imperium dat e onli way a man can b respected is thru wat he accomplishes n makes...not altogethr rite n not 1 i agree with totalli..but its there..

another is e search for stability n normality..sometimes i feel as if i'm not "normal"..thus does e search for bein normal aka most comfortable n maintainable continue..

if we shadows do offend, think but dis n all is mended,
dat u hav but slumbered here, while these visions did appear.
give mi ur hands if we be friends,
and
we
dark
passions
shall
restore
amends.
(adapted n modified from A Mid-Summer Night's Dream By Neil Gaiman)

Dat Great Law of Incidence

u noe, they realli shd offer a course at universities Worldwide for both Engineerin n Science Students n as an elective 2 biz ad, commerce, management, social science n in fact, any degree dat will deal with some aspect of e real world one day in life...

wats dis module? Its a very scientific theory and hypothesis dat should get its theorist a Noble Prize like John Nash...hell they shd offer it as a degree in its own rite n dedicate a faculty or institution at Princeton or Cambridge(hear Gabriel)to the study n development of understandin of this hypothesis..mayb create a think-tank or 2 devoted 2 usin this mathematical theory 2 analyse e world..

every1 must b fed up with me by now..wats dis elegaic non-algebraic theorem u r shoutin at e top of ya lungs..for God's sake, tell us say u...ok ok..its called The Atrophical Uniting Theorem of Moffat...in laymen's terms...Murphy's Law.. where alpha tends through n phases towards omega..where alpha represents Unity, Order, Harmony and perfection whereas omega represents chaos, malfunction, destruction, disorder n breakdown...

everything breaks down n fails as time goes by, represented by each n phase where the worst time n circumstance possible is the n event.i mean, i come home from Australia for e holidays n n event takes place...my internet connection breaks down at home n i can't use e net at home..i come back from australia n on e days i wish 2 meet my frens..n event happens..all studyin for exams, out in army on mission or rushin work thru for some big assignment..i come bacvk just in time for a busy christmas period when n happens...my pastors r away in some capacity ministerin overseas n e hard work of christmas preparations is shared by far 2 few pple..i come home from australia, go clubbin where n happens..i see 1 of e reasons i left for australia on e dance floor with some sick dude..

now e theme song for dis n phase has got 2 b Depeche Mode's I Just Can't Get Enough...Murphy's Law...awesome stuff man..hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

deng lai liao!

Ahhahaha...dats prob e most gay-lo image i'll ever take n upload of myself...Hillsongs at Seven Hills...Ground Zero of the all singin, all worshippin but sadli, very commercialised Pentecoastal phenomenon in Australia n e world over..

yes, deng lai liao! finalli back home after 6 months of uni dat match in intensity e worst combat training schedule in e SAF...so wats next? well first, redesignin e interior of Charis Church for Christmas n e comin year..n my room..n freelance logo design work for a fren's company..at least i hope so..in addition 2 learnin drivin, autocad n archicad plus workin on Indesign n Adobe Illustrator..

interestin dat i've become more concerned with Christian fundamentals dis year..like e study of the cross n its centrality in e life of a christian..such a study is, i believe, e way 2 counter e so-called prosperity gospel..with e suffering gospel of the cross..n i've become a little fascinated by e ways in which we pentecostals hav deviated from the teachins of e n Bible..it is my supreme desire, one day, to write a book entitled Whats Wrong with us Pentecostals? Oh well, truth demands an examination of conscience n a recognition of fallin short..

its not dat i love bein a critic..just dat i feel dat all of us need a voice of conscience now n den 2 cry out, Prepare e Way of e Lord! Make Straight e Crooked Paths..just like e ancient Roman generals returnin triumphant from war had a small dwarf in their entourage whisperin into their ear, "Temporal glory is fleetin..dis too shall pass away"..

e voice of conscience asks 2day, wats wrong with e church? wats wrong with society..especially singaporean? mayb just about everything....

Highlights b4 Home

been feeling inspired lately...by events organised with the SSA Newcatsle like our Dinner held b4 most of e Singaporeans' exams..as seen above..n by e exhibition of final year Architecture Seniors' works as seen in e previous photos dis week..

i discovered some issues of dat underground British architecture journal known as Archigram..n i've been so inspired by e visual n graphic presentation..n e whole counter-culture idea all over again..anti-establishment, rebellious n radical..dats wat i love man.. just like e wonderful Deconstructivist final yr project known as This Is Not Culture..i like such stuff..n e high quality panel presentation n detail models..

n e elegant final dinner at Larna Thai Restaurant organised with SSA Newcastle n SIthu's excellent help realli showed us in dis year's comm dat we could b capable of so much more..e year of experimentation for our comm has ended with dis final project..a year of consolidation lies ahead..n God willing, a year of advance after dat...but as alwaez, e Will of God is impervious to the musings of man..

where are my manners? in e photo above, from left to right...Sithu n Evelynn standing, Flavian(i wonder if he's named after e Roman Emperor Vespasius Flavius), myself n Bingyu(excellent housemate)..

Perspective Sketches

Perspective Views-even nice than Isometric

 

Deconstructivism at Work-my favoured style

Its called e "This is Not Culture" Cultural Centre..Bold..

 

All Bout Presentation

I'd like to present dis sometime man!

 

another

Exquisite Model-making!

 

Works i Admire

 

The Best Given

Gillette's famous tag is "the best that man can get"..but sometimes, I feel like i hav not gotten e best..

in terms of e work i'm doin here in Newcastle, I dun seem to hav achieved e best performance i could under e most tryin conditions..i dun seem to hav gotten e best results, measure for measure for e work i've put in dis year..dun get mi wrong..or as George Bush junior would call it, make no mistake..i hav put in my very best dis yr..but still hav come away a little disappointed..

wat seems to b e issue i wonder? a lack of experience? a lack of technical skill? certainly..a lack of imagination? impossibly..a lack of favour..divine and human? with equal parts mixed in, no doubt...

still, an acceptance of fact is imperative..certain academic areas r indeed lackin in my year's work..n there is great room for improvement..i made a vow b4 dat i would never fear a dead thing like an academic subject or academic weakness..not since i detonated my first 10 kg of explosives..n i do not indeed fear obstacles or difficulties..

to the Almighty i give my personal best..n den, i plan how, as it were, to succeed without ambiguity...beyond reproach n with all speed..an obstacle is there to be overcome..n a weakness to b corrected..dis too is vanity..yet it shall be..for life is short n the days long..wat use is dwelling on wat might hav been?

difference of a week..

Wat can one week do? a lot is my answer..a week is e difference between havin lotsa sch work n assignments n havin ur fate determined by some presentation of ur work for e last 3 months dat is not very comfortin...

den there's one final bang..or rather 2..before e academic yr fizzles out..website design with html dat i never tried b4..without e help of a html editin program mind..n Archicad..e architect's version of Auto-cad...but realli e worst is over..

it was hell week while it lasted sia.. two n a half weeks of sleepin at 6 am n wakin at 12 noon to continue work or 10 am to go for class n tutorials...n worst of all, its settled in a flash of 3 mins in front of 3 hyper-critical, racialli -biasede tutors who realli dun giv a damn if i pass or fail..well, dat stinks man..but i figure its alwaez gonna b a struggle for guys like mi...

its a hard fight alwaez..struggle thru a-levels...in e army, sispec n 46 SAR..den now here also struggle...haiz..sometimes i wish dat it would b a lil easier..n dat some slack might b cut mi..but it never seems to b e case..so i juz perservere n fight...like e Israelis...alone, isolated, independent n uncared for...but as such, we who fight make sure dat we WiN..bcos dat is wat matters...not wat pple think..God alone is judge...

well, like e Israelis, i will evolve new doctrines, new order of battle, new tactics n new strategies..arma virumque cano is how Virgil begins his great nationalist Roman epic The Aeneid..I sing of war n a man at arms..choice is irrelevant when assaults r laid at e gate..onli e sleek, lean, hungry n prepared survive n thrive..dis yr has been a baptism of fire..i will do wat i must next yr...

Philosophy Time

i realise i haven't done philosophy for some time...wat branch of philosophy should we delve into 2day n bore evry1 to death in an egomainical manner?

mayb e idea of wat satire is...political n otherwise..i'm treadin a fine line here...so b4 goin any further, bak chor mee ai te quah mai? mee siam hum bei?

actualli, i think mr Brown actualli meant mee siam mai hiam..not mai hum..but realli, some high level Powers in the world should not take it so personalli la..n anywaez, its good dat someone stood up n said wat he wanted to say...n best of all...made evry1 hav a good laugh...not like e Lenin of Singapore politics (who refused to co-operate with e Russian govt b4 Oct 1917 n was imprisoned for radical ideas)..mark my words, dat former NUS Associate Professor is DAMN smart..if e current Power of authority back home is toppled, he will b e 1st to sae I TOLD U SO n b credited for it....total non-cooperation is a stance to gain attention n influence...

back 2 satire..y should newspapers not hav a cartoon satire page? caricature cartoons need not onli b for political purposes..i noe many cartoons ridiculin e state of society n many dat ridicule celebrities...such as Pamela Anderson n her immense n generous bosom buddies...e best social commentary cartoon i saw was 1 where a house was bein burned down 'to flush out rats' n was an allegory of over-reaction in a certain society in e world(not s'pore)

haiz, lets all hav a few laughs at e expense of society, politics n even e media...hmmm, mayb dats y e media back home does not support satire as well...cos pple can laugh at them too...smart pple noe dat society needs a littl shakin up from time 2 time..smarter pple noe to shake a little, step back, den when it all calms down, shake again..guerilla warfare its called...n its pretty damn well effective cos a few smart pple can hold a Caesar or e entire populace at bay...or at ransom..u gotta love power man...its a satire of e human condition itself..

Battleship Row

 

Indonesian Fare so Shiny, Warm

 

Thru Clearings Brilliant N Green

 

Beaches Rustic & Real

once upon a time

 

Bintan pics i alwaez wanted 2 upload

 

Canberra-That Toa Payoh Connection

Community Day '06 brought mi down 2 Canberra over e weekend..i managed 2 meet some of the Commission staff n some peers in UNSW, USyd, Macquarie Uni n UWS..includin e new committe for UNSW's SSA (S'pore Students Association)..

e greatest part of e trip was realisin with some shock dat the mother-f***in city centre looked exactly like Toa Payoh central with all its streets n open mall spaces...inc. e part that used 2 b under renovation/construction near e interchange..it was realli weird..

at nite, a few of us hit e clubs n pubs aroun...Mooseheads, Sultans' n O'Malley's Irish Pub..not a bad experience considerin e highest cover charge was $8 n offered 2-for-1 drinks till 11pm..e pple there were e most racially integrated lot i've ever met in Aus land..ang mo chicks with asian guys n asian gals with ang mo dudes..n also realli mixed groups of frens partyin away..it was interestin n a change from rascist newcastle..

n i came back 2 a startlin realisation i made years ago.. dat some of e most f***ed up women are Christians..amazin man..so realli i think we Christian men shd drop e holy facade to get e gals..just b ourselves..warts n all...n seriousli, let Christian character flower fully for Christ n not accordin 2 any1's estimates..for mi...i would like to b a Christian like Christ yet also able to do e Butcher's job when neccessary...just like the Emperor Constantine..or the godfather figure Don Corleone...

but dats another story for another time.. e Canberra trip was finalli great for its excellent architecture i saw..includin e War Memorial, new Parliament House n National Museum...once is enuff believe u mi, but it was still a good experience..2 dat, cheers..

Hot Rods and Fish Bait

My good fren once said, follow mi n a fisher of men i'll make ya...not e most nice politically-correct statement 2 make 1st time to a stranger...but it sure had impact...

u'll never know e thrill of fishin till u've caught ur first fish on ur very own rod without any external help..u sit waitin for hours(sometimes days) without any thing, but den there's a bite n a tug n ur heart leaps..sometimes u just throw in e line n start reelin large flippers in a matter of minutes..sometimes every1 gets something but u dun..kua heng sway one..but u never noe unless u cast ur rod..

i had such an experience on Mon n Tues when i went with my housemates n some close guy frens to Stockton to try our hand on our new rods..it was blowin northeast at gale force n we were nearly sunk like the Shipwreck at Shipwreck Point where we cast our lures..n got nothin for our trouble..so we relocated to Honeysuckle to try fishin in e cul-de-sac of e harbour..every1 seemed top b reelin in fish except mi..promferts, yellow tails(ikan kurau), silver bream, pike n even a small eel..i had no luck man..

Tues we went again after havin those fish for lunch (man, dat eel in black bean sauce is heavenli) n dis time i had better luck...but i prefer to think its prayer :) even though e idea of askin God for a hand in catchin fish seems a lil' manipulative n theologicalli unsound..i did catch a small grass fish with a hand reel..but it was inedible n too small..then e wind got massiveli bad again like e day b4 n we relocated 2 Honeysuckle..

within minutes of castin my rod in i got atug n my float n attached lightstick went underwater..sheer sign of something on e hook..i reeled n pulled to land a small promfert..den later, i landed 2 pike..1 small n another medium..dat was a highpoint man..i felt like on cloud 9...thanks b to God..n i fulli understand e characterization Jesus uses for witnessin n evangelism, as fishin for men..it realli does feel e same way to win a soul for Christ n see dat person goin on 2 lead a most vibrant n sincere Christian life..one dats deep yet not over religious..n it dun matter wat type of rod or bait u use..u can catch even with a bamboo stick n bugs..but when u do make a catch, just make sure u land it well..

Something Strange

Hmmm, dis here is a test post to see if my blog posts are comin out alrite...i seem to be experiencing some difficulties viewing my latest posts..let mi noe if u can't see the posts Half marathon or Triglyphs n Metopes...on my tag board or comments section....ur help is realli appreciated..

Half Marathon

I've run in Singapore and i've run over here, in Australia..Sunday was e day i did e half marathon in Sydney...21 km after being out of shape for so long..

its been quite a while, almost 2 years since i did e half marathon back home with Richard n Kian across e Nichole Highway and East Coast area..back den e armour guys worked togethr as a team to train for e run 3 times a week..e course was crap but e guys saw each other thru..i'll never forget how they were with mi at such critical n hard periods of my life...

i still remember e 52 Bravo, 52 Bravo, are u still ok there? or Ultra engine overheat n need to find techskote oredi? all dat Armour speak..inc. wat is ur kayak? karma at Foxtrot 6-5 over...well, those were hard days n we had to b equally hard to survive..

of course, runnin in Sydney was cooler den e hot n humid climate back home..its a great place to run a half or full marathon as e scenery is great n e views splendid..n at e end, i managed to use e toilet in e Sydney Opera House...n got to see e interior of Jorn Utzon's creation..its a tribute to all international pple in Australia dat something so great got created inspite of all e crap of e local Australian press, govt. n pple..all small-minded, lackin in vision n creativity, force of character n of course, conservative...dat is e worst thing dat i can call pple..conservative...

e only regret n desire of mine is dat Kian n Richard were here with mi as i ran..Damien also.. my true frens..of whom i hav somemore...these are e pple who make mi feel i'm home...anywhere..i hav no doubt dat, if ever, a fren like dat were to get bullied or thrashed, like in Band of Brothers, all of us would find e culprit n bash them up like when one of e privates in Foxtrot Company was knocked down by a drunk driver...(Band Of Brothers, not real life)..even e CSM join in to hunt down e F***er n whack him..n e PC wanted to shoot e driver...rough justice...but we take care of our own..dats army bros for u..

half marathons r as great as ur best companions i say..

Triglyphs n Metopes

back home when there was once a small naive little kid in primary 6 one day in dat galaxy far far away...i found out dat everything a person writes has to make sense n be coherent...or at least follow a logical thought process throughout..like for example a conversation, essay or composition...

dats e process we r tot in sch thruout our years in e 'official' education system..den i came to Australia to study in a land dat is so far removed (from e time of Adam aparentli) from my own culture n world view..n wat do i find? dat pple here in a UNIVERSITY..no less..put together words like Triglyph, Metope, Pediment n listen to dis sh*t...Non-peripetal and Pan-athenaic...(i dun even noe wat these words mean n neither would Shakespeare i believe)..in a manner dat just does not make any sense...


like "the Greeks believed the Metope should be allowed to overflow its bounds, carvings seem to flow fluidly over boundaries on a classical relief and no constraints imposed was the essence of the ultimate Hellenistic Classicism that was about Greek freedom very soon after the Romans then took over but did not introduce any new developments(which is a key symbol of their authoritarian n Patrician behaviour), leading to social decline followed such creative stagnation"....sounds f***in Cheem, makes no grammatical sense if u think about it n definiteli should not b e kind of stupid argument w/o evidence a uni student shd give...


that piece got High Distinction... wats wrong with Singapore? why can't they just allow us to talk crap like dat w/o consequences n w/o justification of wat we say?we r losin out 2 these cocks who can't even string words 2gether dat make reasonabl sense..its horridly Unreasonable.....

tell mi wats so wrong with our pesudo-Western/Eastern mix of cultures in Singapore, exemplified by e use of Singlish dat makes us seem 2 lose out? in other ages, such fusion (ang mo for Rojak) would b called Justinian Synthesis, Romanesque or Renaissance...why not our age n culture? Let SInglish be the new "Western-esque" language of the world n Singapore! n stop all e in e modern world people are rational and behave/speak logically...they dun lor...

Work keeps going on n keeps mi going on

work is something dat never fails to get mi movin out of solitude n out of self-pity n sometimes self-righteousness..

if u think bout it, bad daez at sch are not so uncommon dat one shd feel victimized by them..they come n go n after a gd sleep or rest, we forget bout them e next dae..its not like u hav a sick relative or loved one in hospital n hav to keep worryin bout them do u?bad criticism/remarks from tutors, frens n enemies r just part of dat thing called life...

i've made e consious decision to not let such stuff get to mi..just like i did not let bad daez/pple in e army get 2 mi when i was servin..just another dae..n i once heard some1 say dat he was amazed by e amount of Sh*t a human bein can take by gettin out of bed, gettin dressed n goin to work/sch again for as long as it takes to get e job done..

Christ did say dat in e world a person will face troubles (endlessli)..but in Him do we not hav peace? so then, e peace in mi is greater den e issues n cares of life out there aroun mi..n moreover, life's a race to e finish line isn't it? if so, it seems i've got a great vcrowd of supporters n frens (many whom i dun noe n hav done dis b4) who r clappin n waitin for mi to reach e tape n break it..not too bad kiddo is wat i'd like 2 hear from dat special Someone then..

by e wae ah,wat e f*** is it with e weather over here? just when u think its all sunny n spring-like..den it starts rainin for 2-3 daez continuousli n even hails ice..totalli no consistency man..if i had to spend another nite thru such weather...i'll flippin b screamin murder!!

Concerts n Movies n Weekends

sometimes we all need a break n a return 2 leisure stuff n things dat mirror as closeli as possibl life in e familiar world..

there was dis concert last week by a fren dat was different from e usual dull student life here..even though i'm not e most musicalli inclined or appreciative guy there is..i found e flow smooth n e playin good..n i play e bass guitar back home so i do hav some knowledge of these matters..but it did present a different side of Yvonne (my fren; not Yve of e bluebelles..:-)...very talented n creative i see..mayb its mi..but all e Yvonnes i seem 2 know r all fantasticalli talented in terms of music..

den of course, i buckled down for a weekend of work b4 2 submissions dis week..n unexpectedli, Chris messaged 2 ask if e guys n miself would fancy a trip down 2 Sydney..no way for e weekend so we settled for e next best thing..a movie in e heart of town..Miami Vice complete with drugs, sex, guns n shootin...very brainless n way 2 smooth for my likin..but then again, i was just not prepared for a thinkin sorta movie..

i realised dat e cinema even in e heart of town is smack deserted n there realli was no need for numbered seats cos so few pple came it was free-seatin..even worse den Glendale which was supposed 2 b futher out n more remote..dat was a much more realistic movie theatre experience..

we all needed dat movie break man..i realise 1 thing...u can take a S'porean out of e city-state..but u juz can't get e city-state outta him..deep down i noe where i belong n where i wanna return..woah, can play Majullah Singapura liao........or mee siam mai hum also can..

sergeant sit, u stand..i stand, u knock it down...

Sometimes got some funny pple u hardli noe in life talk rubbish bout u den very very sian n irritatin..2dae..i'm droppin e pseudo-intellectual facade n tryin 2 engage with my heartlander side..

i dun put on masks if dats wat u r thinkin..but i will admit certain pple i treat a littl differentli...k*ni n*, wat do u expect when mr or miss or mrs X show attitude..i also show f***in attitude back la..

den pple push mi in life wat 2 do? push back 3 times harder la..army teach 1 please..ask SAF 1, 2,3, 4, 5 (s'pore no 4 star hor) 'star' also they will agree secretli..

aye, sometimes over here in Newcastle after studio sessions esp. i alwaez want 2 tell e c*** b** ang mo tutors to kiss my a** n die..i never do enuff work? look at e other ang mo students n how much work they do la...lei ge lo mo ah...

k*m lim bei dua l** man..dats wat i alwaez hav in mind when i talk 2 certain folks round about..e wae they do things so karm l*n lor...then still want 2 tell pple how to run their country/lives/frenships n God noes wat else...shen shen ba..think of their children whether got future first la..with their l*n p* attitude in life..

Crazy Horse

we used to be called e Crazy Horses back in SAS..not all of us, onli e class of 3SE n later, 4SE..e reason for dis was our unorthodox behaviour, jokes n characters we had in e class..also for e carzy stunts we used to pull to gain (n deflect) attention..

i did a crazy thing worthy of e name recentli..was actualli persuaded by a close fren to go down to Sydney to visit a fren..alone n with no real plans..n i was willin 2 go down for some reasons dat do not bear mention here..

e thing to hate about e New South Wales transportation system is dat they seem to b perpetualli repairin some portion of the tracks n seekin to upgrade their railways when train station attendants still hav 2 manualli depict the next train timin on e hands of a clock..analogue, not digital, mind u..n where trains pass less than 4cm from each other..how do they do dis without question i wonder...

there i was, tryin 2 get to Sydney when i heard dat trackwork meant we had to transfer to coach for a quarter of e journey..why can't they have direct Greyhound Australia coaches between Sydney n Newcastle a few times daily i dun understand..dis is dumb man..n hyper inconvenient..plus inefficient..

e most eventful part of e trip was e journey back where i decided to change trains at Hamilton Station n come back to e University(Warrabrook) stop..well i did get on e rite train.. but i missed e Uni stop cos it was my 1st time changin trains at Hamilton(normalli we take bus from Broadmeadow; but buses had ceased by 10 45pm--anothr f***ed up situation)..so i ended up somewhere in e Hunter Valley at dis station called Victoria Street (i might as well hav been in Melbourne) when i realised my mistake..Thank God there was still a train back..but waitin dat agonizin 25 minutes was e longest n most gruellin 25 mins of my life ever...n i still had to walk home from uni when i got off at e rite stop dis time..

some kinda trip huh? well, at least meetin dat fren of mine was'nt too bad..it crystallised some tots i had on certain issues quite well..n wat can i say? i look safeli on e road 2 glorious singlehood again..no troubles or excitement..sigh..Praise God still..

About dat Dinosaur Issue

readin a fren's blog bout christian frens in his church who try to impose their sometimes puritanical views on others led mi to wonder bout my own spiritual development n wat made mi e way i am growin up..

i've alwaez had a desire to b open-minded n reasonable (n some hav taken advantage of dat n which i repay in full with their blood)..e last statement was a little ironic huh? but still dis has alwaez been my desire..

in faith, i seek to b like Jesus of e Bible, not some church or denominational view of Jesus but e Biblical view of Him..n sonmetimes, e truth is, many churhces n Christians allow their upbringin n culture 2 influence their view of the saviour..so i've seen Christian homes with the cross on the main door entrance n Chinese Prosperity gods under the TV display cabinet..i call dis e Kitchen god image of Jesus..there as part of ur shelves of idols to protect ur home but not powerful enuff 2 decide if u hav bread to eat tomorrow..a poor idea of Jesus dat comes from a small heart n a small mind..n Jesus still loves u..

e fact is, i grew up e child of a christian minister n i saw many kinds of christians n christian characters..many ugly n sad..n as soon as i was able, i wanted to b like David, slayin e Goliaths of stupid christian tot dat was just not accordin to God's word n was so intolerant..as well as e Christians who believed in them..over e years it became my credo that i would rather b in danger of hellfire den go to e same heaven as some of these so-called christians...hahahahaha...May God have mercy on my soul..but i stand by wat i said..

i dun like fundamentalist, over-conservative Christians even more den e liberal, compromisin kind..alwaez tryin 2 remake e world in their own God-damn image..as if God's makin humanity in His Image was not good enuff..so must remake humanity in urs or mine...wtf?!no dating, its ungodly...no sex, its immoral...no speakin in tongues, God does not work dat way anymore...so no love in them also , cos the love of Jesus is not in them..

who am i to judge or say all dis? nothin but a sinner clingin to e Cross of Christ, stark naked n in tears..God have mercy on mi a sinner i cry daily..mea culpa (i am guilty)..n those who repent r lucky n fortunate n will b happy...for they are Forgiven..dats how a Christian shd live daily..oh, n i like dinosaurs incidentalli..

Confusion n Panic

if i were interested in a gal n i found her behaviour toward mi a bit cold wat should i do? go in like a fool n screw it all up or sit back, act cool n pretend i dun care when its realli killin mi inside?

i realli hav no idea myself..when i was with my ex-gal fren long long ago, it was not so difficult..when u are onli 18 u dun realise e deviousness of human nature yet n u think every1 is nice n good...so u r more trustin n naive..

but as we go thru life we grow up n lose dat magic in life..n suddenli we become more careful, less trustin n 'smarter' where pple n relationships r concerned..i once knew some1 who was a real 'playboy' (as u would consider cassanovas)...i asked him why he was like dat n asked him if he ever felt any guilt e way he was treatin women..he told mi dat he felt guilt but dat he decided to never let women get the better of him after his first relationship which ended in him bein dumped for a better, newer, nicer model of boyfren...

he was tryin 2 get revenge on all womenkind for e pain he suffered..how f**ked up is dat??! but i came 2 realise dat many women i knew were able 2 protect themselves..2 well in fact..they build a shield aroun themselves n in doin so, keep e rest of e world out..like e Great Wall of China or de ang mo equivalent, Hadrian's Wall..n guys realli dunno how 2 get through such armour man...i'm wrestlin with whether i should call up a gal n worryin dat she'll find mi irritatin n pesky..but how else does a guy show concern for some1 if we r not even able 2 communicate?die la like dat...

i promised myself not 2 b e kind of guy who is alwaez worried bout relationships n gals when there r so many better n more important things in life to go about doin..but well..it seems 2 b my naturte dat i alwaez seem 2 kena headache in dis kinda issue...man...i was livin a very happy single life before dis...n wonderin if i would remain single my whole damn kanin* life..n i din seem 2 mind when i realli tot bout it...now well, i'm just anothr lost loneli fool again..u can't go against e tide or buck e trend after all when such attractions (some say distractions) come..

A Philosophical Musin from e Dark Side

In the Caveline Museum of Rome, there is a black marble statue of a centaur with hands bound behind his/its back, in a position of torment..its been said e centaur is reistin e forces of lust n passion..e moral for good Romans lookin at e statue? Passion must be tempered n kept in check by Reason..

thru out history, dis has worked brilliantli for good but when e passion was dark n e reason wicked, dis has brought grave evil...n here i stand 2day...my passion worked up over an issue regardin a frenship dat has been marred with childish temperament n malicious intent..

n today, my reason leads my dark passion for vengence in a pureli rational n sadistic tangent..first,measures will be taken to halt e spread of lies n falsehood seekin 2 tarnish my charcter...then, havin stopped e cancer, e next step will b 2 "cross the Suez Canal from West to East" in e words of Yitzhak Rabbin in 1972 to punish Egypt for an arrogant invasion of Israel from e East..

i will begin my own campaign of Counter-Accusation n Insinuation...Truth for Falsehood, Reality for Deception n True Sincerity for False Sincerity..paraphrasin e words of St Francis of the Dominicans..I do not make enemies easily, but havin been made one..i will exercise all my mortal powers to end e threat of enemy activity n exhaust all avenues to secure e final victory..moral n otherwise..dis a human bein can onli understand who has had 2 fight tooth n nail n claw for everythin in life..just like Jacob of old...

Should a man so easily accept the loss of evrything he has n is becos some1 means him harm? Should a man so easily succumb 2 evil n wicked human nature n lie prostrate b4 a victorious foe? was it not Churchill who said, "in victory magnamity, n in defeat defiance"? A reasonable man, a just man would not accept this adversity without any cry of pain...neither can or will i..

i will not touch dis foe of mine in person..but i will seek 2 counter n hamstring their movements n motives in dis world..not a threat becos i never belief in utterin them...onli a promise...

(dis was written yesterdae but somethin with e library wireless caused a disruption in dis)

Sydney's a Party

i had quite a weird experience over e weekend down at e Sydney party; ostensibli 2 celebrate National Day (just an excuse for debauchery by e Singaporean community realli)..

i came close 2 my edge of sanity n stopped before topplin over n spewin my guts over e sidewalk in evry sense of e word..certain frens were not so possessed of an acute danger sense like mi i must say n went hurtlin in2 e great unknown of drunken alcoholism...its not 2 their shame i say dis..onli factualli...

still, i had a pretty strange experience doin n sayin things i normalli would not do or say under any circumstances to pple...i remembr wat i did n said but it was not wat u'd expect when i'm in my reticent mood (normalli e case)..

it was a great party all in all; down in Sydney, with a noon wake-up e next day in a fren's fren's place (i was fulli clothed n sleepin in e livin room amidst 3 cats n adjacent to 2 course seniors just in case u're thinkin somethin unsanitory) e next dae for e best Hainanese chicken rice i've ever tasted..its been in Sydney dat i've had e best Laksa n now, Chicken rice of my life..its just different eatin familiar cuisine cooked well in a foreign country teemin with alien images..

so then, i do enjoy goin down for a short weekend of fun in Sydney once in a while(evry 2 / 3 months pref) but not every weekend..it is drainin on e heart, soul n spirit..not 2 mention e wallet..n i did find my book on Australian architecture with Peter Stutchbury featured n all..so it was rewardin...neglectin e biazzare Fri nite party n all e drunken frens n senseless speech of course...

She's Trouble

i understand it now why Kian said e single life can b very pleasin..n its not dat difficult gettin used to..

its interestin realli..single life doin wateva u desire with no 1 to realli constrain or stop u..it can feel excellent..esp if u're a non-conformist rebel n outsider like mi..

of course, there will b extremeli loneli days to live thru but i think one can realli b eof great service to God n his frens n society whilst single..fear of old age singlehood? well, dat takes courage livin up to everyday..but seriousli..one day at a time lived in a fulfillin manner b4 God n man realli takes one's mind off such matters...

so i mean, its with certain uncertainty dat a fren told mi recentli dat anothr close fren might b interested in mi...i dunno how 2 respond truli..shd i act as though nothin has happened, confront e person or simpli sit back, observe n wait 2 see how it happens? i'm an opportunist n e last option seems most attractiv 2 mi..i guess i'm just afraid of rejection n a roller coaster emotional ride all over again..

n anywae..its been proven (to mi at least) time n time again dat women r simpli not attracted 2 guys like mi..simple, direct n borin (though i try not 2 think so..its depressin 2 think of urself as boring..not very complimentary)..e onli thing i realli like is soccer, music n readin a good book..so there, dats mi..but as they say, life deals u a deck of cards..good or bad its not for u or mi 2 say..but its our job 2 play our hand 2 e hilt..havin done dis..i can truli exclaim..gd game! at e end of it all..juz like a good Poker/Bridge player..cheers!

Silver Swimmin Dolphins

as some of u may noe, i am part of dat organisation plannin student activities known as the S'pore Students Association Newcastle..n it just so happens 2 b National Day 2dae..

in between doin assignments for an architectural Phase submission, we planned a National Day dinner on a budget n minimal time..it was hectic n tirin i tell ya..but satisfyin in a deep sorta intangible wae dat words can't adequateli express..

there were e babes as usual inc frens who realli dressed 2 kill n showin off their best features while guys arrived with their here-to-fore unknown n unseen galfrens dat looked like God's gift to e human race..or at least e male side of it..there WaS dis 1 particular Eurasian gal...hmmm..though i wonder if its all Eurasians who act cool n proud n distant n dat e world (n all things asian) is so beneath them..

i wonder sometimes though, bout certain inalienabl facts..dat human beins r strange creatures who never understand e intricacies n work-bhind-e-scenes dat goes into any successful event or party..even one so rushed, insignificant n money-losin like e Silver Dolphin National Day Dinner..but den, i dun work for human approval or appreciation..onli for e collectiv welfare of those who represent somethin 2 mi..home n country in dis case..

it was good celebratin our country's birthday overseas all in all..i never felt so much hidden emotion(which i hid bhind a cool posterior) in singin e national anthem or listenin 2 NDP songs by Steph Sun or Kaira Gong (dis yr)...though its back 2 work dis mornin...i believe National Daez r special events..

like i put in my msn nick...(mis-usin e Passover Valedictory; God forgive)..ur fathers ate e bread of independence when they left the Federation..therefore, u are to remember dis dae as a remembrance for all generations to come...

For a Trip to e Northern Valley

a trip up North alwaez brings forth great delights n experiences here in Australia; whether to e Sunshine Coast, Brisbane or Queensland or even e small Hunter Valley where most of e wines for e whole of New South Wales is fermented n cured..

e experience was quite magical n intoxcicatin though i felt it was a little excessive..beautiful acres n acres of vineyards n winery estates with wooden vines, barren n all (since its winter) hangin on metal support wires like some eerie imitation of a cucifix..2 arms outstretched n e stem hangin like e legs of a crucifeid man..weak n broken..risin out of e ground weakli..

well, there were of course, several scattered cheese factories n chocolate fudge production centres which sold excellent cheese n fudge..which i bought (all 500 grams of macadamia n peccan as well as 150 grams of Turkish Apricots) but it was the wine which realli put mi in a state of euphoria (e stage b4 drunkeness..which i abhor n decry..)

then there was e beautiful Irish Eatin Place along e way where we stopped for lunch..amazin mash potatoes(e best i've ever eaten) , mashy green peas(mash dat looks green but tastes awesome) n huge Pork sausages e Irish call Bangers(i can't help but associate dis with vulgar connotations)..unfortunateli..e waitin time was horribl...45 mins for lunch..

so then, i was realli amazed dat a country could devote such acres, kilometers n hectares of land just for wine, chees n chocolate fudge production..n i realise (perversli) wat S'pore misses out on..we're too disjointed frm nature... n economicalli, we're missin out on a great area of economic sustenance..oh well..dats e price of breakneck urbanization n modernization with little space for anythin much rural or agricultural..

a Lamentation

when i feel down i listen 2 music that either 1) depicts my mood or 2) lifts up my mood...dats y i like complex tunes that on listenin, reveal different layers n many complex moods for all occasions..

if i had to choose a piece for my mood, it would eithr b Linkin Park's In The End or a realli sad chinese piece like Wu Bai's Tong Kun de Ren..

i cannot understand e mind of some of these young female things esp e ones in University n esp esp e one who juz broke my best fren's heart back home...taken for a ride? or simpli not good enuff? or e game is over n e player is due 2 b thrown out?

my fren's heart is not a wet piece of rag 2 b thrown aroun..neithr ismine or any other guys'..i seem 2 b more up in arms ovr dis issue den my best fren..i guess when i see his pain i think back on my own 'almost perfect' relationships that r so sad on their own..

dats y i closed e door on romantic involvement a while ago (earlier in e yr) n onli One Supreme Fren has the key...n dis is y I want 2 direct my energies to achievin somethin worthwhile in dis life n in Newcastle..becos like e Israelis, i noe dat for evrythin in life i hav ever truli wanted, i've had 2 fight hand, tooth, nail n claw for..as Golda Meir (one of e women I respect e most) said, e world will stand n watch Jewish blood bein spilled n do nothin..we hav to do somethin for our own pple..n dat has made mi realise dat we hav 2 safeguard our interests in life..esp affairs of e heart..

well, i can onli cry for my fren n pray for him...n vow dat one day, we who crawl on our bellies in e dust will rise up to rule e universe...

Bronchial Troubles

its strange when optimal levels of efficiency n work r just missed completeli due to poor health..everywhere round the world children in Africa, adults in overcrowded Tokyo n underdeveloped Rio De Janeiro , even obese adolescents in the great land of opportunity, The US of A, r succumbin to bouts of sickness n ill-health that impedes e global Gross Domestic Output added togethr...

n these past few weeks, i've joined their ranks...my work is impeded by e terribl fact dat my ol' Bronchial troubles with e horribl hackin dry cough n obsceneli-coloured phelgm as well as wheezin n congested air passages hav returned in force...with e onset of a Mid-year winter dats a unique characrteristic of e southern hemisphere..

ah well, efficiency goes down n spendin on medication increases..i now noe e importance of havin an effectiv n well-tot out(indeed, fully rational) medical/healthcare system..my appointment with the Campus Doctor aka Medical Centre is scheduled for Thurs n i've 2 wait till den to get some proper medication abov e cough lozenge sort sold over e counter here...i guess dats due to e fact dat its free..so i can't complain (onli e consultation; e medicine is a different story n for which i'll hav 2 crawl half-dead n wheezin 3 km away frm my home2 get frm e nearest pharmacy...wat r e odds of dyin before i reach, i truli wonder?)

well, on e bright side...it is good 2 abl 2 see a doctor at all when sick kids in China's Anzhou provinces hav onli far-flung Chinese Physicians (not dat i'm despisin them but e medication takes weird forms n tastes while takin foreva 2 work--as all traditional n alternativ natural medicines do...lengthy time is needed for discernibl effect)..so then, i try 2 temper my Singaporean trait for complainin with a slight dose of reality n awareness..

but dis still does not detract frm e misery inflicted on my throat n air sacs of the vascular system by each consecutiv wreckin cough..like an ancient Ottoman cannon blowin holes in Constantinople's walls, i wonder if e walls of my lungs can withstand dis Battle of Lungs Deep...i betta stop complainin n start prayin in faith for healin..

About First Weeks

1st weeks r supposed 2 b relaxin where a student is eased into e work expected of him or her in e rest of e semester..n where unsuspectingli, he or she is gradualli lowered in2 a pot of boilin fat..but not dis time in my case..

a 1st assignment given on e 1st day of sch n due on e first lesson of e term(thurs) was dropped on us like 'Fat Boy' bein dropped on e unwittin inhabitants of Hiroshima...n i prepared for it e way a guy who's just dug his trench is told dat an attack is underway n he'll hav 2 do his best 2 defend wat he just dug..which is not much..

to e day i die i'll never b convinced dat teachers r not rubbin their hands in glee at e tot of bein able 2 catch students unawares (with their pants down so 2 speak) so dat we might b failed n hav our lives ruined n our futures lookin as bright as e nearest garbage can collector's..y can't we ever hav teachers like Frank McCourt..who would tell his students to clear e tables n chairs n lie on e floor in e dark for a whole period..as a primer for an important lesson..

well, i believe it'll onli get worse with deadlines n workload overpiled from floor to ceilin..well, i've resolved several things dis sem..gettin my first distinctions inc 1 for design..e holy grail of respectability for an archi student..no, not quite..High distinction is e holy grail..n workin out 3 times a week..n gettin my drivin licence in australia..plus more involvment in SSA n FOCUS/NCS work..quite a load..

n tryin 2 be a bit more net-savvy..even goin on msn n skype more..juz to keep in touch with e guys n close frens back home..n in other parts of Australia..well e onli thing 2 look forward 2 is Autonomy Day next Thurs..we'll see how dat goes n i'll explain wat e hell dat is in e days ahead..

Alternate Persona Jon

i speak black words...wat they call a split personality disorder comes back 2 haunt these posts..

speech must b rational? but i'm delirious..so easy 2 let go..pages fly upwards or up words..n i see clear thru dark mists in foggy depths..e road said 50 km to Taree n i'm travellin on e sign post far away..

Rosevelt married his cousin n Theodore was his grandfather..so who r u? so speedy was the animal dat swung from the fence to the tree dat she was clobbered..Animal!!! like a cat or dog u thinks..but yes, its neithr cat and dog..but strangelove..Dr Strangelove

my fren does wrong things..smart wrong things..or stupid rite things? snares sugar in spring traps n lookin for love in all e wrong places while e days get cold n dull n e stars fall from e sky n e sons of e mud rise up 2 claim thin air n red giants..the man crossed the road to loud applause..is dat wat e CIA wanted?

money worries n bad gals who try e good game with good boys gone bad tell e story of a life unravellin..ripped up n thrown into e guts of some deep sea urchin dat shoots fire..many times unknown statues rise n de-errect n i no longer like Ecclesiastical Kingdoms..Babylon e Great has fallen n her works r overturned!

breakin news in e wide world causes narrow grief...n i wonder wat evil is dat often goes worser n worser till it becomes worstest...n a tale of 2 cities becomes e norm..1 town Rome n e othr declinin Spain while the sun shines n earth spins out out out..no orbit or chaos..order inverse no less..or more..

i see clearli again..flatline submarine...

Return 2 Winter

apologies for dat long lull in blog-postin but e tot of stayin home longer than i should juz 2 post somethin when i could b out with e bros n frens was just not appealin..

now i've returned 2 Australia..with e colds n lows (but thankfulli no snows) of re-newed uni life..darn u blokes at NUS, NTU n SMU who hav till August lor..but it was a good time we all had durin those 4 weeks..

watchin late nite or rather early-mornin soccer with Kian n also with Fuzz n YK followed by sleepin on e couch till 12 noon was realli WANTON decadence on a grand scale la!! n then there was e trip 2 Bintan which realli re-awakened dat love for e sun, sand n sea dat i had in secondary sch...realli tropical holiday style ala xia ri mo mo cha..dat was shiok man..

now, e return 2 Australia was fraught with some confusion n animosity(2wards my travel agent) but dats been forgotten a great deal by e excellent Wintercon '06 camp..i'm truli impressed..from e viewpoint of both a Christian n e viewpoint of an events planner..if e SSA Newcastle could b half as competent n professional, we'd begin 2 b a trulli representative body for Singaporeans..

e onli disappointment for mi was e fact dat neither Germany nor Holland managed 2 hold e cup aloft this time in Dortsmund, Germany...n dat e semi-finals n finals were both completely European line-ups..but still, Italy deserved dat win..e French were truli let down by Barthez (even if Zidane had taken a penalty shot n got it in, Barthez would still b e weakest link lettin France down)..but its been a great run for teams like Argentina, Holland n England(if onli they had been more inspired/hungry)

n to my christian frens, i've got 2 end with a great tesimony..my fren Kian, whom Richard n mi hav been prayin for since our army days 2 b saved...n whose sister became a christian in e US..brought along his g/f to meet us 1 nite outin...n it seems she's christian as well..dis wd make no sense if we had not been prayin for him 2 b surrounded by Christian frens who wd b an excellent christian witness in his life..all i can say is dat e Falaise Gap is closin rapidli (if u noe dat historical episode from WW2)..so then, e joy of a fren is my joy..n in our joy, e angels were silent...

Small Change

Does it feel different to post from home? yes it does.. there have been so many instances for mi 2 b thankful n grateful for in life since e return for e winter hols..

e 1st thing that caused some anxiety n den relief was when i searched for some fifty cent coins to pay for my first singaporean meal of laksa n hokkien mee after 6 months(its just 5, yes)..n i realised e joy of having coins fit snugli in ur palm without feelin like u're handling spanish pieces of eight that would feel rite at home embedded in e forehead of Goliath..

dat realli depicts e differences in size, scale, physiology, psychology n thinkin of Australians vis-a-vis S'poreans..its good 2 b home among one's countrymen no matter how bluidy screwed up some o' us can get..n as a sidenote, i'v enot met some of u my frens yet..but will get to u soon once all e catchin up on 6 months worth of letter-replyin n readin, studyin for my basic theory test, liasin with IDP for e June Newcastle intake n all..

now, regardin e world cup, i've got much more 2 say as e game progresses..but at dis stage, i think dat e English side especialli r playin e most uninspired game of football i've ever seen..competent but uninspired..n i can't help thinkin to miself dat Krouch realli looks like some Japanese prisoner of war with his stick thin frame that looks like a bamboo partition..my mind tells mi its gonna be Germany or Argentina holdin e cup aloft..but my heart cries "Oranjes!!!"....Johan Cruyf n Marco Van Basten these guys may not b..but the Royal Netherlands Football Team will alwaez hav dat special place in my heart-of-hearts..oh, n sorry gals, but Zinidine Zidane has got 2 b dropped (n dropped hard) if e French r gonna hav any chance..but mayb it oredi is too late for e French rooster..Henry shd hav been captain from e start..

Ground 0

Last day b4 headin home..had a slight scare earlier with e airline check-in screwin up on mi..they had mi on a flight for Nov 10...n finalli sorted it out by callin n they tracked mi down thru my departure information (from Singapore)...i was hoppin mad n all my expletives started 2 spew oredi..mother-f***ers who shd juz F*** back 2 their mother's h**e..

i've taken enuff shite from certain ang mohs here oredi man..not gonna take any from my own countrymen n from e compamy supposed 2 b renowned for efficiency..i hav half a mind 2 make a formal complaint thru the Singapore International Foundation(SIF) n thru them to e local SIA representative in Sydney..why r members of the Newcastle Singapore Students Association bein victimised for our trouble man? i think dat we deserve a complimentary pair of tickets from SIA for such bullshite (i wish)..hahahaha..dats impossible i noe n juz a fantasy..unless i hav some pezzonovante(Big-shot) fren in high places like e Singapore High Commisioner 2 Australia (which i dun; though we've met at e darn High Commissioner's Tea Event n was dressed super-casualli;n was embarassment incarnate)

shd stop bein so aggressive..after all, i'm onli goin home for a month..but sometimes my ex-army specialist instincts n temper r recalled to service like some emotional reservist activation..better means of gettin back at pple who cause trouble there r den losin my temper..i hav lots 2 learn from Don Vita Corleone of the Godfather fame..

anywaez..e next post will b next week from home..here's my flight details for some of u frens anywaez..but i'll contact u when i get back..no need 2 meet mi at e airport act..i'll say hi if u're there n respect u for it..but i'll b goin home for some rest straight after..n catch ya guys n ladies in e mornin..SQ 232, estimated arrival 545 pm at Singapore Airport Terminal 2...

Finito

"It is Finished..." e 1st semester of yr 1 is over..along with the work involved...

now all dat remains is 3 days between now n goin home for e 1st time in 6 months..i've got stuff 2 get n pple to visit b4 i make my way home..

i must have lunch with frens who've helped mi dis semester with work..i must hav lunch with my pastor n thank him for his advice n support all dis while..i must remembr 2 get those souvenirs for my cousins who gave mi a treat b4 i went overseas..they are family n blood is thicker than water..

n finalli, i can sleep earli n in peace at nite..without worry regardin e next submission, short project, assignment, essay, report or portfolio..until e start of next sem dat is..n truli..i can go back to meet e closest frens i ever made in my life n who've alwaez stood by mi back home..kumu n e NWO, Shamir n e scout bros, Leonard n coy, Kian n e army spec mates..hmmm..if i had some1 special waitin at e airport..it would b perfect..but i dun n i shd not fantasise..else i'll soon hav 2 start smokin 2 relieve dat unneccessary stress again..

but i'm also leavin some good frens i made here behind inc my housemates dat i'll miss till i get back..many pple say i'm very sociable..mayb i am..but i like to think dat i've been blessed with good frens whom i could develop a connection to..some more some less..some like kindred spirits drawn to e same flame..but all whom i appreciate..of course, i've also had bad frens whom i often rant about here...but a bad fren is simpli a fren who could hav been my good fren but chose to cause mi harm n hurt..n it is alwaez my wish dat so-called bad-frens can make good in their life n mine..

so, to those of u still havin exams, all e best n God bless...to others, see u over there..where? Home...beyond e western shore..byond e sunrise (though u can't actualli go beyond e sunrise technicalli speakin)..

People are people

"People are people so why should'nt we? u n i should get along so awfulli..i noe dat u hate though i've done nothin wrong"..e lyrics of Depeche Mode's People realli say it all bout e complexity n confusion of human relationships n human responses..

lateli, i've been so tired , not juz of sch work n all..but also by e multitude of small wars n conflicts regardin pple i noe here in Nescastle..its tirin 2 get involved in it all..but sometimes, we got 2 step back n let e storm blow itself out..

2 those who noe wats goin on, i think we shd juz concentrate on our work n e gd parts of e frenship with othrs..2 those not in e noe..lets juz sae human beins r sensitive creatures esp guys with our egos n frail hearts..dats 1 reason i refuse 2 work at home..even at 9 or 10 at nite..i'll still come 2 e library/studio 2 do work...we all need 2 get away frm it all sometimes..n besides..i hav a very clear dichotomy..home is for sleep n sch for work..i dun traditionalli do work at home or sleep in sch..its part of my work-life philosophy developed in e army..

i wish dat life were less complicated with such inter-personal human relationship comedies n tragedies (not 2 mention e drama serials n documentaries)..i mean..i've learnt more bout human problems in Newcastle den in e army..n dat is a lot lor...well, i'm juz gonna do mi part in everythin liao n not b so worried even if pple i noe decide 2 fight World War 3..

one trick i will appli...seein e gd side of things as they appli 2 mi..whethr its regardin gals or frens ..dats y i'm a happy-go-lucky person..i used 2 b more easili affected n am by nature broodin..but i've let lots of things go in life..n as a Christian..i alwaez see it dat wateva insults n injuries for mi fall on Christ' body on dat cross.."the wounds inflicted on u hav fallen on Mi" ...n there is healin..

Mounties

Jamie up high-n-lofty

The Horse n his boy

Horse was placid; but fought mi on mounting

Weird Tots

when u're tired, things start 2 pop up in e head like some strange mental Brownian Motion..unexplained, unaccounted for n definiteli unwelcome..

i figure its probabli at e confluence of e realms of dream, suppressed desire n exhausted delirium dat causes such tots n feelins 2 arise..but strangeli as a side note..i find i write extremeli well in such chaotic circumstances..on e wellspring of creativity i find miself..n i can feel e urge 2 write/draw on my tinglin finger-tips

i find miself askin wat e term,sophormoric romance means..i saw dat phrase 1st on Shian aka Rex's blog..n wonder wat it all means..does it mean puppy love..or dat strange time when everythin is magical n u r given to attractions to membrs of e opposite sex?or simpli common infactuation dat constructs an image of someone dats false but loveli to our sight?

i'm not doin dis cos of any rubbish relaionshp probs of mi own..cos i've come 2 a point where i honestli say i dun like any1..not even myself..onli Christ n He's different..hahaha..i'm delirious afta not sleepin for a whole nite..dats y..so indulge mi..

i fell prey 2 dat tendency often times in mi life 2 noe dat franli, its a hidden desire 2 run away from e problems of life thru such poppy-cock(dats a new term)..so i advice walkin away when such desires threaten...n learnin 2 watch e danger signs is very relevant 2 such troubles..just bcos we think we like some1 does not mean we do..some of my frens i noe need 2 realise dat n realli wake up 2 e harsh light of day..

of course, if i could do it all over again in my past failed relationships, i would not change a thing..n sometimes, just sometimes, when i hear a certain piece of music, e magic comes back..n i feel alive once again..n i realise how far i've fallen from e magic of those days..schrage musik is wat e Germans call such deja vu acoustics..they remind mi of my ex..but honestli, i would not do wat i did for her to anothr gal now..or any1..n i would not want 2 b hurt by someone else e way i let miself get hurt back then..for her yes all over again if i went back in time..for someone else today, i dun think so (as far as i can tell)...on e same level of paradox as e statement, everything i say is a lie..including dis statement"

when i was a teen, i was like a lamb...but there was magik..when dat lamb was butchered as blood sacrifice for e adult 2 rise, dat magik died with him..now all dat remains is a sleek black form..smooth as shadow n dark as nite..i miss dat lamb sometimes...