Weird Tots

when u're tired, things start 2 pop up in e head like some strange mental Brownian Motion..unexplained, unaccounted for n definiteli unwelcome..

i figure its probabli at e confluence of e realms of dream, suppressed desire n exhausted delirium dat causes such tots n feelins 2 arise..but strangeli as a side note..i find i write extremeli well in such chaotic circumstances..on e wellspring of creativity i find miself..n i can feel e urge 2 write/draw on my tinglin finger-tips

i find miself askin wat e term,sophormoric romance means..i saw dat phrase 1st on Shian aka Rex's blog..n wonder wat it all means..does it mean puppy love..or dat strange time when everythin is magical n u r given to attractions to membrs of e opposite sex?or simpli common infactuation dat constructs an image of someone dats false but loveli to our sight?

i'm not doin dis cos of any rubbish relaionshp probs of mi own..cos i've come 2 a point where i honestli say i dun like any1..not even myself..onli Christ n He's different..hahaha..i'm delirious afta not sleepin for a whole nite..dats y..so indulge mi..

i fell prey 2 dat tendency often times in mi life 2 noe dat franli, its a hidden desire 2 run away from e problems of life thru such poppy-cock(dats a new term)..so i advice walkin away when such desires threaten...n learnin 2 watch e danger signs is very relevant 2 such troubles..just bcos we think we like some1 does not mean we do..some of my frens i noe need 2 realise dat n realli wake up 2 e harsh light of day..

of course, if i could do it all over again in my past failed relationships, i would not change a thing..n sometimes, just sometimes, when i hear a certain piece of music, e magic comes back..n i feel alive once again..n i realise how far i've fallen from e magic of those days..schrage musik is wat e Germans call such deja vu acoustics..they remind mi of my ex..but honestli, i would not do wat i did for her to anothr gal now..or any1..n i would not want 2 b hurt by someone else e way i let miself get hurt back then..for her yes all over again if i went back in time..for someone else today, i dun think so (as far as i can tell)...on e same level of paradox as e statement, everything i say is a lie..including dis statement"

when i was a teen, i was like a lamb...but there was magik..when dat lamb was butchered as blood sacrifice for e adult 2 rise, dat magik died with him..now all dat remains is a sleek black form..smooth as shadow n dark as nite..i miss dat lamb sometimes...