To Shian Wen

Shian, u noe...u're the only Christian from those years in St Andrews School with whom i'm still completely on the same wavelength with then as now..u and i, well, we always had a mind of our own huh? in church with questioning..in life with our refusal to toe the line for the sake of toe-ing the line..and that dogged persistence when we watched our friends fall away and by God's grace we just kept on..funny how the rebels like us remained christian when the conformists fell away huh?

when i think if it was onli me who had bad experiences growing up with pentecostals and charismatics and felt so alone..i visit yer blog or talk to ya and am reminded that someone did agree and still agrees about those excesses which we want to see corrected..and how the pple in that movement (back home at least) often got it so wrong..i realise that i'm not a lone voice calling for change and repentance..others, equally part of that movement or tradition,stand as fellow travellers on that road..who can know the heart of people who've seen brothers, sisters and frens from the same churches stray and fall away? you noe what it feels like my brother and friend..

oh, that God may grant us courage and persistence to be different and to Truly live holy..rather than act religious..n that we might have the courage to say we're not perfect, but that in God's grace and by His Spirit we are making progress..you inspire me to be a different kind of pentecostal/charismatic Shian..and i resolutely set my face to be a whole different kettle of fish from the kinds of Christians we encountered growing up..the time has come to stop being lambs with regard to true holiness, repentance and preaching of God's Word Shian...By God's grace let us be lions..Its time to battle with what is wrong, sinful, corrupt and utterly abhorent to the God of the Bible within the pentecostal/charismatic movement back home..even to the extent of nailing 95 Theses (after Martin Luther's example) to the doors of our churches..

Hannibal Lecter

Probably the best Anthony Hopkins movie would be Silence of the Lambs where he plays the famous psychiatrist Hannibal Lecter who happens to be a serial killer..and not just any serial killer, but one who eats his victims..or rather, parts of his victims..

The film was based on a novel created by Thomas Harris and eventually came to involve 4 novels, Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Hannibal Rising and the prequel, Red Dragon..its hard to tell whether the subsequent novels were inspired by the film production of Silence of the Lambs, or were the inspiration for the subsequent film adaptations of the remaining 3 novels...one thing is clear though, save for Hannibal Rising, all 3 movies were fantastic onscreen adaptations..and Gaspard Ulliel played Hannibal amazingly well in Hannibal Rising even though the screenplay and plot were pretty flimsy..

watching Hannibal Rising on my laptop today triggered memories of dark late teenage years when i also wanted to get back at an unfriendly world and unfriendly pple around me..Hannibal was THE ultimate anti-hero..actually he was a villian but a really likeable one..the next closest anti-hero would be Spawn..a hero who destroys his foes and doesn't care a hoot about saving pple which was always really a pretext for super-heroes to boost their own egos anyway..along with Paul Atreides the Mahdi Prophet from Frank Herbert's Dune Messiah and in recent years, Gregory House from the award-winning and self-explanatory show House..cut up the bad guys and eat their brains? whoah...thats a bit much even for mi..but really interesting wouldnt ya say? i wonder if Jesus had a side to Him like that? muahahaha..u never know...actually, i think there is an element of truth in that..the word hell appears 13 times in the gospels..if i'm not wrong..11 of which are on the lips of Jesus..well thats enough to disabuse anyone of Sunday School images of Jesus i think..

oh, and, let me state categorically that i think Hannibal Rising has a really flimsy story line especially at the start with the parents being killed in an air raid and Hannibal and Mischa having to defend themselves against SS deserters (thats an impossibility Hollywood, you know that? especially if you knew anything about history) but the whole way the film tries to protray Hannibal as some tortured and haunted child who goes psycho after seeing his sister killed and eaten by those deserters sounds somehow contrived (esp if u watch the show)..sometimes pple like Hannibal just are what they are without a whole sad and tragic background..and i would have preferred it that way..

but as i said..Gaspard Ulliel portrayed Hannibal as good as Anthony Hopkins..not dark and brooding or tortured..but just cruel and sadistic..because he could and was like that..and there are times when i confess i struggle to not treat pple like that..i dun only cos of God's grace..but i still find it hard not to feel negatively about pple and their intentions and actions..i want to be in control and a person who does things rather than has things done to me..but i'm only human and flawed i realise..n my thought are often wrong..so yeah, while i admire Hannibal cladestinely, i can't be like him nor do i try (which is probably good cos i dun wanna end up eating human brains...)

Tasting God's Pain

Oh sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the Earth! Sing to the Lord, bless His name, tell of His salvation day by day...For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, He is to be feared above all gods. Psalm 96:1-2,4

Today i cry. i weep with they who weep and mourn with those who mourn. There was someone i know back home whom i developed a great liking for late last year and early this year. We had one of those conversations before i left for Australia this year where our positions were made clear. And we decided to remain friends. i still care for this friend deeply even though not romantically now. And just last night, i learnt of her getting together with a non-Christian guy.

From the way she talked about their relationship, i knew what will come in the days ahead. Its not pretty. We all know deep down through the work of the Holy Spirit what is right and wrong in certain matters. We know yet we do not often follow what God's Spirit prompts and we do the opposite. "I do not understand my own actions. For i do not do what i want, but i do the very thing i hate." Romans 7:15 And having come through the pain of a relationship with someone who's not a christian once, i know what its like. The pain, agony, tears, anguish, the guilt. I cry and pray for this friend and sister because i know now what the pain of seeing a close friend make a foolish decision is like. And i know how often this can lead to backsliding and falling away. Yes, i believe in God's sovereignty and election, yes i believe in the perserverance of the saints of God, but this does not remove or lessen the pain of seeing a Christian do something foolish like this that you know destroys faith and one's walk with God.

at this point i am sorely tempted to drop what i'm doing and go into full time ministry because thats where i know the real problems can be solved. you see, its not a problem with man's dwellings or environment, its not a problem with man's bodies or health, its not a problem of man's finances, its the problem of sin in his soul. And sometimes i despair for Christian manhood. when the ladies bypass godly men to go for non-christians, a chill wind cuts right through my bones.what hope is there that godly, christian men can ever get married and have families? what hope is there that christian men can raise children to be godly? we are finished. The end of christian manhood is upon us, even in our generation i fear. i remember the barrowright's song from Lord of the Rings,

Cold be hand and heart and bone,
and cold be sleep under stone,
Never more to wake on stony bed,
Never, till sun dies and moon be dead
Till the Dark Lord lifts his bony hand,
over dead sea and withered land.

Then i recall Ps. 96. God is not like that. He is above and beyond petty evil, yet is acquainted with it in the person of Jesus, His Son. In Jesus, the God who is so far above and beyond us has come down to us and suffered, like us, under the effects of this evil world. "O wretched man that i am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!.." Romans 7:24-25...yes, Jesus is the anwer to the problem of sin..and only God can help my friend now..i pray for her, i cry for and with her, but i know its only God who can work in her by His Holy Spirit and help her have the strength and courage to make decisions that please Him..

still for me today, it is the sound of great weeping and despair that resounds in my ears..and i can only cling to straws..like this one: "Though the fig tree should not blossom, not fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, I will take joy in the God of my salvation." Habbakuk 3:17-18..Will heaven's glories be greater than the sum of all of Earth's painful miseries? One can only hope..

Growth

weeks of work on my project seem to have borne some fruit and my submission for Schematic Design took place around 330-40 pm on Thursday, about a day late..but i will say that i've made progress tackling huge assignments of this scale since last semester..when i was almost completely swamped by Schematic Design submission for just a single residence..now its 14 residences in an area 22 metres wide by about 45 meteres long which really stretched my mind in Design and planning..and i must say that i'm much more satisfied with the result compared to my solution last sem..but more could still be done really..if i had the time..thats always the great enemy of an architect..time or rather, the lack of it..the other is cost but that can be worked around to produce magnificent solutions..time on the other hand, moves forward remorselessly..

and reading and studying Romans in Focus has been challenging and rewarding..many of my earlier ideas were clarified and issues which we'd not explored in first year reading Romans with Senno were raised for the first time..like the idea of Christians being adopted children who dun yet look any different from the rest of the world but yet who have a fundamental change of status in Jesus ..and helping to prepare studies in Mark every week with Dene have helped sharpen sharing the gospel and the basics of reading the gospel with students and friends who have either no knowledge of the gospel or poor English skills, or both..and have also fundamentally challenged my view of the Gospel of Mark (its like a condensed cordial drink that needs to be explained and exegeted a great deal because many issues are covered in a pithy, condensed manner) and given me a fresh view of Jesus that is completely removed from the Sunday School image of Jesus as meek and mild, kind and gentle, able to be bullied by anyone, a limp wristed namby-pamby...well, the Jesus revealed in the gospels is as full of mercy and grace as He is full of wrath, anger and fearsome fire that condemns sin and sinners (few of us ever knew that, let alone expected that huh)..and He is the King who demands complete obedience and submission, worship and allegiance..Jesus we've learning, is no constitutional monarch who has no real power over anything..rather, He is an Absolute Monarch who destroys opposition and who has Full and Active control over Everything

And Qunfeng has, by God's grace and mercy, found a job in Sydney! i am trully happy for him and thankful that i had the opportunity to care for him and go along with him to Life to the Full for a while before he left..And i pray sincerely that God will continue to work in his life and care for him and give him good friends who might be a godly influence on him..and so, another friend has left Newcastle..as i take stock of the friends who have left Newie (Jeremy, Aazac, James, Lake, Josh, Jesslyn, Branda, now Qunfeng) or who will be leaving Newie shortly (Zhaowei, Serene? Brendan? Paul? Junshi? Emmerie?) i do feel a bit sad..i still have good frens here of course, (Thank God!) but really, if i were to take stock after 5 years in Newcastle of how many frens had come and gone from my life..i really wonder if it would be an almost unbearable agony..thats the cost of studying overseas..ur frens who are also international students move on..i guess i can only be thankful and appreciate the fact that i once had the opportunity to make an impact on their lives and that we all did have some great times and fond memories together..u all remain in my heart n mind forever, Newcastle frens..Cheers!

Homeage to all who took part in the Paris Commune

Freddie Mercury aka Queen aka Farokh Busarra, the performer extraodinaire and champion of the Live Aid series of concerts held in the 1980s, when i was just a few years old and a really really young Chiku, to borrow a phrase from a gd fren of mine, was The Rebel. And to all who grew up in St Andrews School during that period of the 90s thinkin that goody two shoe-in was just not quite adequate an attitude to have in life, our rediscovery of Queen and good ol Freddie was just wat seemed to be lackin in our minimal existence..yes, he was a homosexual who died of AIDS in 1990 and no, i'm no homosexual myself nor do i support that lifestyle..but that man sure rocked..and if i could have one desire in life, it would be to see Freddie in heaven leading choirs of angels in worship of God..i'm sure he'd be the perfect worship leader who'd completely remove all memories of Lucifer from God's mind..of course that would remain a futile wish..but i look up to Freddie the performer..and wish sometimes that i were like him in his charisma and charm and stage presence..especially his ability to rouse a crowd and grip their hearts, even though i think he was a pretty manipulative b*st*rd himself..

for those of us who never bought into the establishment of this world and all its trappings, but who recognized the need to bring our rebellion and anti-establishment attitude to a higher and more sophisticated level within the secular system and wreak havoc within ..well, Freddie is one inspiration..and one day, lets pray and hope that we would all be able to show to the people within that system how futile their ways are..and we grow like a cancer within everyday..

A Short Script on Architecture, or A.U.C

i'm going to speak a bit about architecture and in fact, i think that i shall be doing more of these posts on my two twin loves, architecture and theology...i guess i should really stop posting stuff that tries too hard to please or that really does not show the full breadth of this self-deprecating person we know as Jonathan Chua..

About Art n Architecture:

i emphasize continuity with history and all its myriad successes and failings..thus, i support a contemporary interpretation of the Five Orders, arcading and a return to traditional models of space and a sense of place that our generation has lost under the influence of the Modernists.

i support the integration of Art and Architecture in different ways, from collage to integration wherein part reflects whole as whole reflects part..n i believe sincerely that Architecture must be returned to its rightful place as "Mother of the Arts"

we need to have a social n environmental conscience as Architects and Artists that reflects the precarious nature of the world we live in, with its countless (and senseless) wars and environmental pollution..thus the Architect must be reinstated in his role as mediator between the city and the natural, the urban and the forest..

i believe that for too long we have strayed from the path of balance, harmony, moderation, synthesis and integration and strove for extremes that hurt our built heritage, society and people.However, there is indeed a need to recognize self-organisation within the city...as elements that are on the boundary between chaos and order develop self-organisation...these elements are found in our cities whether we like it or not..

finally, let us never forget our role of service to the people and society that commissions us...let us never get caught up in self-indulgent, self-aggrandising, egotistical schemes that glorify ourselves at the expense of our commissioners..however, let us also not adopt false humility as the Modernists did and strive for senseless automation and monotony that would destroy our profession and our art, if not our souls..

lets return to the ancient call of Ab Urbe Conditta..respecting the integrity of our cities and built environment rather than thrashing it..

Reversing the Orders

Lord, high and holy,
meek and lowly,
You have brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths
but see You in the heights;
locked in by mountains of sin I see Your glory.
Let me learn by paradox that

the way down is the way up,
that
to be low is to be high,
that
the broken heart is the healed heart,
that
the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that
the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that
to have nothing is to possess all,
that
to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that
to give is to receive,
that
the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, while it is still day
stars may be seen through deep wells,
and the deeper the wells
the brighter Your stars shine;
let me find

Your
light in my darkness,
Your
life in my death,
Your
joy in my sorrow,
Your
grace in my sin,
Your
riches in my poverty,
Your
glory in my valley.

Amen.

Nutcracker Suite

wow i tot i would kena big time from my fren but it was more of an encouragement than a scolding..well, in appreciation, i've decided to dedicate something about dance to this fren and all my other dancer frens, inc Sera..i actually watched this movie during my 'arthouse' flick time at the end of NS...tot it would be cool to see something other than Advanced Close Combat Training and puji stick fighting for once..but of course, all the guys would say its gay etc...i dun think so lor..if anyone can jump like that without breaking their neck i'll salute them man...

and of course, getting up at 4 am to do work everyday is inspired by this show lor...its called dedication can...n when it comes to dedication..doctors, architects, lawyers, accountants and pastors are the 'tough nuts to crack' lor...well..back to residential medium density housing...time to crack some nuts..

This or that

i'm wondering aloud (here) for a moment..shd i return to being cold, aloof and distant, untouchable n untouched by the people aroun mi, because i somehow feel my presence is an uninvited irritation and interruption to them? or shd i keep trying to be more involved and engaged with the people aroun mi inspite of my inner sense of being left out n excluded more often than not?

i wondr if the potential to be hurt n disappointed will be less if i do the former...quite possibly..but den again, like the Modern movement, life would be so dreadfully boring without some of that (post-modern) drama..hmmmm..a tough choice to make n one that i shall probably hav to conduct a greater study of...

i could just go back to my shell of being the dark one who speaks not unless spoken to..but i never liked that fellow as well...he was cold as liquid hydrogen n i like to be warm n friendly...he was a reaction to certain groups that made mi uncomfortable to be aroun, but i din like such a reaction..but i would be free of all that crappy human behaviour that can get us down all the time..free of changeable human nature that changes faster than my socks...free of that human criticism that always gets under my skin..so tempting.......

for now, i shall continue engagement and rapport-building with human beings...but my judgement is still reserved...i shall have to calculate the costs of human involvement sometime in the near future...

no. 3 Together in Electric Dreams

Oh yes my late sleeping frens, here's one by Phil Oakney about dreaming..for all your loved ones whom you miss and want to have and hold right now..with the internet age, electric dreaming gets easier every second..

Song no.2 Dancing Queen by Kylie

Oh Kylie!
if we could all dance like this old chick, the world might be a happier place...

All 80s weekend

here in Australia a bit boring sometimes..so have to do some lame stuff for self entertainment n motivation..i miss my Class 95 all 80s weekend..so i guess just have to come up with Jono's own All 80s Weekend..

n since i never figured how to add audio tracks to my blog..i just hav to add a few videos from you-tube...man..this is gonna make my blog like a mini-you-tube...but i'm siao one as all my frens noe..haha..well here goes..

Song no. 1

Richard Marx-Right Here Waiting, brought to ya by ur DJ Jono Singaporeman

Ahhhhhh, yes...

This song is Therapy for a lonely, tired, wounded soul...i feel the age dripping off my bones once more..

Forever Young, i wanna be forever young,
Do you really wanna live forever, forever and ever,
Young?

Some are like water, some are like the beach,
Some are like the melody and some like the beat,

So many adventures good enough today,
so many song we forgot to play,
so many dreams swinging out the blue,
let it come true!

Owowowowowowowo

went for Life to the Full with Brendan and Qunfeng on Thursday nite..where some cool 80s video was played..reminding mi of the Glorious 80s again..i was born in 1984 so i had about 6 years of those wonderful golden years..while i dun remember much of it, i do remember the 80s music blaring from my family's car stereo..n i rediscovered them in my late teens and early 20s..classics like Bananarama's Love in the First Degree, Square Rooms, Rick Astley's Together Forever, Never Gonna Give You Up, Flashdance, Modern Talking and All their songs..but those were pointed out to mi by my former housemate really..Richard Marx, Sister Sledge's Frankie and other classics, Phil Oakney's Together in Electric Dreams, Starship's Sara and We built This City, Berlinda Carlisle's Moonlight Shadow, Circles in the Sand and Summer Rain, Human League's Don't you Want me Baby? Tarzan Boy, FOREVER YOUNG!!! and all the classic synthesizer electric blues...man..i wonder where all that hairspray, shoulder pads, curly hair and funky colour combinations went to..

Look at the dance steps n listen to the complex arhythmic electro beats man..close ur eyes and feel it rushhing through your veins again my friends...relive the 80s!

Revolution or Compromise?

Lots of pple have given me the comment that my blog posts are too damn chim/complicated, n i always see myself as sympathetic to the Post-modern idea of communication being really important to the man-in-the-street(aka "unchim" pples)..so i guess i'll hav to experiment with new story-telling techniques in bloggin...n this blog is a sort of experimental station after all so...here goes..

in the cool land of Ash, there were once 2 boys...one was called Eric and the other Jack..now if u hav not noticed, these are corny names as hell, but they will do for the purpose of this story..Eric was strong, fit, sporty and everything that a classic hero should be..Jack, however, was thin, scrawny, weak and not very confident of himself..

as they grew up, Eric always had the best that life could give him..n pple liked Eric..especially the gals..who were attracted to his strong, full muscles and cute boyish features..Jack, on the other hand, was not dat well-like by pple..he was shy and not able to express himself well, and was not a muscular, sporty male..in fact, he was quite poor at sports..and of course, the girls did not like Jack..he never felt so alone like when he was growing up

and when the time came to work..and this was a time before university opportunity was widely available, Eric took over his father's plantation in Ash and became a rich land owner..and Jack, not having the confidence to do anything great, decided to work for Eric as a servant..in Ash, servants were almost treated like slaves...n Jack was treated quite poorly during these years..

however, as the years passed, Jack grew stronger n more confident as he worked in the fields..the land seemed to give him a dignity he never had before..he knew at exactly wat time the sun would rise in the sky and the time it would set..he knew wat to add to the soil when it did not produce stuff..he knew the fastest way to harvest watever it was they were growing..

and Eric grew more and more dependent on his servants and people around him..he did nothing by himself..gradually, his muscles became fat and he put on weight..his mind was less sharp then before and he just found it hard to concentrate..

now Jack wanted to be free of Eric..n so, he led a group of servants in a huge revolution to win their freedom..because Eric was unwilling to let them go, which was quite normal really..Just when Jack n the servants were winning however, Eric decided to make a deal..if they compromised, they could share in the harvest and the land equally n live free..

this sounded good to Jack..n so they made a deal..n gradually, step by step, Jack came to become exactly like Eric..n the whole point of the revolution was just that..to become like the people who they rebelled against..

Does compromise kill revolution? Will weakness come when revolution ends? What does dis mean for a revolutionary like mi?

Gu Wa Zai

all the secondary school boys wanna be Ekin Cheng in Young and Dangerous rite? same here..when i was 14 i also wanted to be that kind of pai kia/ah beng..but of course i too ang-mo-fied so cannot make it..but wa lau eh, all of us used to think those students involved in gangs were damn cool la..especially since all the ah lians will gives them some gangsta luvin lor? hahahaha..siao eh,chup de lou?kua simi l*n? bei song limbei ai sio pa?

how did i ever survive secondary school man?

Closing Hymn

Long ago, before i went thru my dark period in the army, there was a time when i was a Saint...not a saint as in a godly Christian guy...but a Saint as in a son of St Andrews School (SAS)..also called the Fighting Saints, the place where boys became men, the House of St Andrews, the blue and white, the SA Commonality..n i was a very self-righteous loyalist back in those days

Of course, over the years a lot of things have changed and God has changed me also..however, the 3 men who still made the most important impact on my life remain Jesus Christ, Harry Tan and John Calvin (well my own human father also but he's different, being my dad)...

Harry Tan, our former principal before Priscilla Krempl, passed away of cancer on the 7th of August. He was never my principal, having left the year before i entered the halls of St Andrews, but he came back on and off and taught a few after-school classes in Additional Mathematics which i attended, so he was my teacher at least.I remember him being full of wisdom and insight, being fast on his feet, a real thinker and a godly man who gave fiery devotions from the pulpit at morning devotion(n i was privileged to hear just one of these when he was invited back). His most famous quote was, "if you only had 5 seconds before the examiner said 'pens down!' how would u go about solving this equation?"generations of A-maths students survived and even did well thanks to Harry.And he was an avid commentator on sports, especially rugby, which was a quaint sport in Singapore, a left-over from British days, quite unlike here in Australia where it is the contemporary secular religion..oh n those stories every National Day! (when a boxing ring was set up in the quadrangle and where the boxing club gave a display of their prowess) Those stories of how Harry used to drag boys caught in gang fights and after school scuffles into the quadrangle and have them slug it out in front of the whole school..den they'd have a taste of wat a real fight was like..every son of St Andrews aspired to be like Harry, the epitome of Christian manhood, back in the day..

and he's gone...like dat..thus ends an era of our House's history..the days that are upon us bring no end of challenge and adversity, while we must needs make do without our principal,gone on to be with our Lord in the bosom of heaven..Oh, dat one day when we have finished our journey here on Earth, we also might join in with Harry in God's presence thru Jesus..oh..dat the grief of having Harry taken from us in such manner will be comforted by the thought of the infinite joys of heaven, the least of which is to see him again..dear Saints, brothers and sisters, from Harry's example learn trust, grace and readiness...while in this tent of flesh let us never put away our hope for the Day of Redemption that is to come..

May the final word go to the last stanza of the St Andrews Hymn,

Before us and beside us,
Still holden by Thy hand,
A cloud of unseen witness,
Our elder comrades stand;
One family unbroken,
We join in one acclaim;
One heart, one voice uplifting
To glorify Thy name.

Scent of Orange Jasmine

People who really noe mi will tell u i'm actually quite a fan of chinese pop culture...actualli i think i've becom super cheena-fied these past 3 years in Australia..which i darn strange..since its supposed to be an ang mo country...all thanks to my (meng ada) Malaysian, Hong Kong, China and cheena Singaporean frens..

i dunno why also but this song keeps stickin in my mind sia..its qi li xiang by Jay Chou

the whole night it rained
my love is abundant like the rain
the leaves fall in the garden
my feelings piles high with them
you appear in every page of my book

last time in school write such things sure kena scolded by teacher for being corny la, lame la, waste time never pay attention in class la, ...blah blah blah..KKNB man..but really i like the poetry of it and how it rolls of the tongue (in chinese) easily..haiz..thats wat i aspire to be like..equally at home talking about Jay Chou's latest chinese MTV and the cute taiwanese chick inside(i like Taiwanese gals..they are so cute..at least in the MTVs la) and discussing John Calvin and Michel Foucault in the next breath

Dance to This!

I always thought Linkin Park (who reminds mi of an angry old man from SISPEC Bravo Company) could never be reconciled to my Christian beliefs..until i heard this song at the Queen's Birthday Convention at St Andrews' Cathedral down in Sydney during one of the Coffee Breaks..the running joke of the day was that ol' Phil Jensen, the Speaker, had a thing for Linkin Park as well..at his age, really..tsk tsk..

Well my fren-who-happens-to-be-a-Christian-dancer-and-whom-i-promised-to-write-posts-that-you-could-
understand-rather-than-chim-o-logy, try using this as one of ur dance tracks and choreograph a really powerful one...by God's grace of course..;-)

Delirijono

its been almost 2 years since Deliri-jono made an appearance here on this blog..its bout time i let him out again..be warned..

Psychedelic colours! i see the sun thru these bones here...tell mi of the oracles..how many bones does the human body have? thigh bone, leg bone, head bone, wish bone...dog bone? mummy had a doggie once ate chickens it did...blood is always tasty after desert,killed doggie for the kitten..

open doors always lead to endless corridors...high collars n keys for chains..prison cells are good building art..lock door n throw away the key in the shape of whats-is-name? Spongebob round shirt? what happened to Big Bird?Big equals the new lettering of letter-writing. Green is the new black..or black is the new black...or green?yellow?

Love is all around actualli is the best movie on screen tv that cable owns..show mi the money baby..mummy said i could..no..i said that what is the thing that is not near or far? here? hear..her..all you need is love...

Zozzie the mozzie i will turn you into a creature that ate half the world n developed indigestion..she's eaten her babies...baby hamster...baby friendstre..You are the only 1 to be with on the desert island...number of times you appears in the english dictionary...6238.3 times..the magic number ruling the world is none..Zero zebra zorse zack zhap zimmerman zarathustra zoroastrian...

i will be good n badness shall be a good boy in the class..no trouble..werewolf animagus morph phenomenology..give me a steak! no break in claiming a stake with a stake made of steel..i like metaphors of soaring birds n flying beasts...creepy crawlie..

mist too on mew renew view yew...asphalt roads are in good order..they wait for the burgers to fall upside down..hard landing..too much trouble i want only to be left alone..navarrone..into the zone of inner outerness...try some orange juice with that lava in the sun looks perfectly healthy..good tan n tone..misting listing on the property market i will buy some capitalist vegetables that Marx uprooted...wats the other name? boillabaise...

Confessions

i need pple less today than 10 years ago-why i hav no idea, but i seem to feel most comfortable alone..

pple hurt mi..i dun like being hurt..ergo i dun really like pple-to heck with the rest of the universe..its just God n mi..like good ol Henry David Thoreau

i dun like free will..its just too much power in the hands of a depraved n wicked humanity..which i already confessed i dun really like-i like directness, clarity n simplicity

i'd like to be loved but am hesitant to show love..for fear of being hurt..which would confirm my hypothesis that i dun like human beings..n sometimes, to confirm a hypothesis is scary..

there was a foolish man who used to believe that everything is mystical n everything had a deep spiritual meaning..he paid greatly for his folly..bad things happen in God's will but often without human reason..because human beings screwed it up in the first place..therefore i shd not like human beings..that fool is me..

serving and loving pple takes its toll on everyone..not least me..many pple i serve in Christ's love i'm not particularly fond of..n if they think that i irritate them and make their lives miserable by constantly challenging them to godliness..well, the feeling is mutual..they irk me n make mi miserable too..which is another reason i dun like human beings..because serving n loving them is so difficult..

these are my confessions..God help mi overcome these flaws

What was That..or Beer Chivalry

Hey beautiful..see ya..

chicken rice talk

i've never talked about a good night at Focus Bible study here in Newcastle Uni before..tonight was exceptionally good..n on several layers..

Michael n i cooked up some chicken rice with some help from a jar of chicken rice ingredients..i will same, however, that this was only half the amount needed for the rice..the other half came from steaming a chicken and several drumsticks for the chicken oil and then using that oil, with sliced ginger, to add to the mix we placed in the rice cooker, with the rice..n we also roasted a chicken separately...so we had white steamed chicken, roast chicken and lots of chicken rice..oh yes, also oyster sauce vegetables with some fish sauce and our own self-made chicken sauce..consisting of light soya sauce, sesame oil and sugar..as authentic as we possibly could do it..i think that everybody had a filling meal..Michael is a great cook who came up with the idea n its really interestin to work with him..

then we had Bible study..tonite was a bit small..only like 16 pple around n mostly regulars..i think it turned out well because we really had a great starting introduction discussion on knowing/meeting famous pple..lots of laughter n i feel that many of this year's first year kids have begun bonding with the older batches of students..inc myself..

we're currently going through Mark and tonite we did Mark 9-10..lots of interesting discussions and i was really challenged myself as a helper in Bible study (which is one reason why i consider tonite great)..that no one has exclusive access to Jesus was really challenging..esp in the context of our discussions about responsibility, office and worth..also that greatness in God's currency is servanthood..that was a gd and humbling reminder..finally the hardest lesson of all, and that is, accepting pple in Jesus' name especially when they add nothing to our worth..because thats the meaning of accepting children.. they are nothing and worthless to a king..yet Jesus says accept these because in doing so, you are accepting God and Christ..i struggle with this because i dun like how this passage has been traditionally used by christians to emotionally blackmail others into not opposing pple who come with impure motives.."no, must accept the guy, even if he is actually very wicked and wants to harm u"..its true in one sense..but dat does not mean we shd b foolish..n i dun like the high moralising, legalistic attitude that Christians twist this passage into..so, you must do good to all the children in the world because Jesus said you must love and accept them and thats the end of the christian message fullstop..n u must accept pple from all backgrounds without telling them that Jesus also commands them to change..its not so shallow man..n lastly, i struggle with this because many pple whom i grew up with n stressed this passage in its most literal meaning were the most prejudiced, bigotted and unkind pple i noe..but i realise that Jesus does want me to accept pple and love them, but not just stay there, but move on to the central theme of Jesus Christ showing this loving acceptance in dying on the cross for sinners..alrite..its not always hard doctrines that i need to affirm..

n thanks Sheeana(codename) for answering "male pride" when asked wat made the disciples ashamed to tell Jesus what they were discussing on the road (it was about who was the greatest incidentally)..that really amused mi..always sobering to hear a healthy dose of feminism..even in Bible study..

n it was good to talk to Cyril about wat i term, the Shaun Foo topic...all u guys who were there last yr end in McDonalds near my place after dinner, esp Kumu shd noe wat this refers to..i wish that the church would not make the topic a sin, or rather, a taboo subject..in understanding, be men..therefore, do the right thing n talk!!

n i found Melissa Loh on facebook last nite..added her n am expecting to b given hell for my trouble..who's Mel Loh..well my frens from the NWO n mayb Richard will understand from this: Sesame Street today is brought to u by the letters N, J and C as well as the numbers 2,0 & 3..figure it out..

To th Immature all things are Immature

Dec 2004..it was supposed to be high monsoon season..but it was burning..n humid..n the mozzies were out as normal..n my section under PT Lim n mi were with the other pioneers getting ready to do a little demolitions exercise..i can't tell where or wat types of explosives were being used or else i'd be arrested for breaching the Official Secrets Act but i can say it was a life-changing experience...i sobered up pretty fast to the ever present realities of wat it is we were training for in NS..i mean, the process started why i first set foot on Pulau Tekong on Day 1 of BMT...n SISPEC was like getting exposed to real command stuff..but that day in Dec 2004 was when most of it came together..

i miss Damien's sometimes annoying tone but he was always very realistic n practical...they were all very very mature..n many of the pple i've encountered at uni are not....there is an old saying..to the childish all things are childish...n to the immature, all things are immature..such ppl only view the world thru a narrow minded n small vision..i really really miss that kind of clear, practical, wats next kind of thinkin from the army sometimes...no nonsense, direct, rough n tumble..dun like it ya can blah blah blah blah..n after the job, we'd have a smoke aroun the yellow box..n though those were dark days for my faith, they did refine my character

i'm missin Singaporeans..esp those from a combat background..sometimes, in life, a little clear headed no nonsense is good..even at uni...n especially college..man..i think i need to hang out with some Singaporeans here more...rite Johnnie?;)

den again, it might be better if i found pple that i'm on the same level with...or aroun this age...all due respect to my younger peers n frens...but i do need some frens my age sometimes..i dun feel the need to stick closely to a certain group of frens or hav to form a clique...i will be equally frenli to all but i dun think i need to purposely be close to pple..i think i need to translate that reality into concrete terms in getting a car...haha

Change or Why a Christian should Always be Apolitical

• As Joshua built on the work of Moses, leaders of today – the ‘Joshua Generation’ – must build of the foundation of previous generations to move our nation forward.

“The final thing that I think the Moses generation teaches us is to remind ourselves that we do what we do because God is with us. You know, when Moses was first called to lead people out of the Promised Land…the Lord said I will be with you. Throw down that rod. Pick it back up. I'll show you what to do. The same thing happened with the Joshua generation.
Joshua said, you know, I'm scared. I'm not sure that I am up to the challenge. The Lord said to him, every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon, I have given you. Be strong and have courage, for I am with you wherever you go. Be strong and have courage. It's a prayer for a journey. A prayer that kept a woman in her seat when the bus driver told her to get up, a prayer that led nine children through the doors of that Little Rock school, a prayer that carried our brothers and sisters over a bridge right here in Selma, Alabama. Be strong and have courage.”
-Barack Obama's Address to Brown Chapel A.M.E. Church, Selma, Alabama, on the Anniversary of Bloody Sunday.

I support Barack Obama as a Southeast Asian because i think he would bring a fresh outlook to government of the world's only superpower..which is wat is needed so desperately and is wat the world, which includes Southeast Asia, definitely wants right now..moderation would be advanced as well as clear-headedness..i think his competitors look tired and worn out, especially Senator John McCain..he would remove a great deal of that evangelical involvement in American politics which gives Jesus Christ such a bad name..more on that in a minute..and he might ensure that the United States is less flippant about foreign military intervention..

However, as a Christian with a Christian conscience, i find that i cannot agree with his attitude towards faith ..while pluralism is a reality of our increasingly pluralistic world, it is against the nature of my Christian faith to compromise and accept, as a given, plurality in any, and every, situation..i would have to tearfully say that Christianity is different from the other religions even as i would continue to fight for tolerance of these same religions in the world..it goes against the grain of everything i have always held fast to, liberte, equalite, fraternite..i always have and always will, support the French Revolution and everything it stood for...Monarchy is evil and Republicanism is the only way of government until Jesus returns..Terror is tyranny without Virtue and Virtue is powerless without Terror..Liberty must be bedded on a mattress of corpses..the tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants..Now is the time when the sun-shine patriot and the turncoat republican will be revealed...yet i cannot turn against my faith..the Christian is different from the world..Christianity is different from 'other religions'...Christianity allows me to tolerate other religions even as i disagree with them..but Christianity is not equal to other religions...neither are all religions one homogenous soup...

As such, i think that Barack Obama has unwittingly, misquoted scripture in applying Joshua to the fight for freedom...it is about God's Providence yes, but it is not an iron-clad guarantee that God approves of what American or Obama is doing..we run the danger of putting words into God's mouth that He never says..the idea that America is the same as God's Promised Land for Israel in the Old Testament is a very bad, and mistaken, assumption..

i think that Christians should not try to 'force-fit' scripture to justify their own ideas and actions...Respect the Bible and please lets not use it as a political tool...which brings me t the crux of wat i want to say...politics is a dirty, very wicked game that manipulates and twists and turns cruelly for a person's own benefit...wat part can a Christian have with this? oh, of course a Christian should be involved and concerned about our world and our nations...oh, it is even possible for a Christian to be a politician..but lets not think for a minute that a Christian politician is any better than a non-Christian politician..the weight of history, from Constantine's Rome, to Calvin's Geneva, to Cromwell's England..and now (supposedly) evangelical and born again George Bush Jr..seems to be on my side...

Viva La Vida! My old Anarchist SPirit Stirs

Hasta La Revolucion Le Siempre!
A Better World Awaits

Death and all His friends

am currently listening to Coldplay's latest album, Viva La Vida Or Death and All His Friends..significant change in style from where they used to be..much edgier, raw-er and darker...still melodic and with all those complex harmonies..but they've definitely matured in a direction i admire and enjoy even more..

i dun really like dis..Wintercon starts tm and i've got some responsibilities yet i'm feeling dark and angry again..not a good sign at all..

watchin the Watoto Children's Choir in action today really was an enriching and rewarding experience..and a gd talk with my fren(u noe who u are) was a pleasant surprise.. reminded mi once again that pentecostal christians do hav a heart and soul..as well as a social conscience..mayb my Disillusionment wif that movement is heal-able after all..i still dun like said movement's false optimism and denial of reality though..

as for Singapore, Grandma still isn't very well but she's really old and has had a good life..wat more can one ask? i onli pray that she does noe the Lord and that when she goes, she'll go in peace without a great deal of pain..n i really miss having good conversations with Kumu..we really need to talk about the last 6 months man..you'll always be my good confidante and bro whom i relate to best..and i wish Kian, Richard and myself had more time together..man, wif u guys beside mi, goin to war would be much more reassuring..haha..i mean that, really..n it does disappoint mi to noe that everytime i head home, i find out how much of everyone's lives i'm missing..

Wintercon is today n i'm lookin fwd to it..even if i've got to take care of some kids who r first-timers..(these noe who they are)..hahahaha..cajoling infants is really not my strongest point..;) mayb i shd try caning instead........

the Grace of God abounds to the chief of sinners...that drives mi on and allows mi to take watever comes my way this sem..not because i'm worthy and deserving, but because i'm evil n sinful yet inspite of this God showed me His unmerited grace and favour..and God's grace lights fires in men that are not easily extinguished...

Holidays

How do i relax and spend a little time regaining my sanity after a long and crazy semester? by travellin for 5 days to Cairns..and doing a little scuba diving, snorkelling and other fun stuff here..like exploring Australian ecotourism...so tranquil and relaxing and refreshin...

at least i get to reconnect wif God, nature and a part of myself i've not seen in a while...getting back on Wed...and hav Wintercon stuff to prepare after dat..gonna be a long haul again...well at least i dun feel like such a loser and all alone in the world and unloved and depressed...at least i noe that there are places where i can hav some peace in the world and pple won't bug mi...and i feel good...and u noe...i regain some self-confidence..dun hav to always feel left out and an outsider when i'm by myself in a peaceful, serene place..at least i dun feel like the whole world hates mi and dislikes mi when i'm on holiday..in Cairns..

Still No. 1

Still no.1 in terms of humour and sheer stupid lyrics plus a darn catchy tune that juz won't go away...give it up for Dragostea Din Tei Numa Numa *applause*

Recommended Reading for the Week

Was gonna recommend John Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion but decided against freaking out my Charismatic and Pentecostal peers who might fear i've gone over to the "dark side" ...dun fear...i've seen the light and have come back to haunt all of you..hahahaha...ask wat changed and i'll tell ya...Romans dragged me kicking, screaming and crying out of a complacent belief in free will into the light of the Sovereignty of God...and now, i know what i believe in..be prepared...its gonna be a cool ride..

Some Music Videos

Sometimes its just too late to apologize...friendships breakdown and human beings hurt each other..sometimes the damage is irreparable...forgiveness is a process but damage thats done remains done...this is for a friend and Christian bro whose galfren cheated on him and broke up with him when he found out..but God is still sovereign my bro..and John Calvin and scripture would back mi up on dat..Real Christians are marked by suffering...

Acerbic is how i like it

This is for the list of idiots who think i know nuts about music..maybe i dun...but i dun really care wat u think either...haha..how bout some Acid Jazz? Edgy..

Art Theory

since i am an architecture student who's concerned about art and such stuff, i think i should spend some time talking about art and art theory here on my blog..i should talk about wat influences mi as an architect and artist...

the works of Richard Serra including his large sculptural works that are one half art and one half building move me to think about challenging the system and also to appreciate mass and its interractions with space. I begin to conceive of planes of materiality that intersect each other and blur the boundary between wat is inside and outside a building/art form...

and also, some paintings like that of Jacques Louis David and his Oath of the Horatii (1784) cause me to ponder the moral implications of art and art discourse..the idea of loyalty to higher ideals than regional or family ties is simply stirring..when i look at Oath of the Horatii i think of my higher loyalties to God and His kingdom which transcends my own petty human concerns and human failings...it says, i may be a failed and flawed human being, but some things i make my stand on...some things cause mi to draw a line and say, watever else i maybe, in this i will be defined...

the story of Oath of the Horatii is a long and complicated one and the story of its creation even more so...i'll spend some time dwelling on both..

The story is told by Livy that in the annals of the founding myths of Rome there were 2 rival cities on opposing hills..one was Alba Longa, descended from the loins of lonely Aeneas, who survived the fall of Troy and established the city of Alba Longa on the Alban hills..the other was Rome herself, a young, rising city-state that had been founded a few hundred years before by the twins Remus and Romulus on the Roman hills..now these 2 cities were originally peaceful towards each other..until the growth of Rome threatened Alba Longa..not wanting a long, violent and bloodthirsty war, both cities made an unusual decision..to settle scores by a combat to the death of 3 warriors each..3 for the Romans and 3 for the Albans..now in the city of Rome, no 1 could beat the prowess and strength of the Horatii triplets... and on the Alban side, by some quirk of the 'gods'..no one could overmatch the Curatii triplets..so both sets of triplets were chosen to represent their respective cities..

however, things were complicated by the fact that one of the sisters of the Horatii was engaged to one of the Curatii triplets...and one of the Curatii sisters was married to one of the Horatii triplets and had a son by him...so strong ties of family kinship bound both families on opposing sides...the painting is of the scene where the father of the Horatii holds up the swords of the triplets and they swear allegiance to Rome over their familial ties..they will not rest until either they kill the Curatii and secure Rome's future or the Curatii kill them and destroy Rome..for which there would be no cause to go on living anyway...in the background, one sees the Curatii wife and her fellow sisters-in-law weeping and trying to cover the face of their half Horatii, half Curatii son, who refuses to shy away from the awful destiny that is before him..that his father will kill his uncles..this piece is painted in the neo-classical style and presents the minimal background compared to the prominent foreground in order to show display the importance of the unfolding scene..the chiarascuro (light and shadow) effects are superbly executed, the perspective is shallow but perfectly rendered and there is no hint of brushwork, signifying the lesser importance of the artist in comparison with the image..

in its time, Louis XVI loved it..it gave legitimacy to the French state that was on the eve of the French Revolution (painted in 1784) and recalled imperial glories and harked back to the legacy of Rome..it was commissioned expressly to fulfill a didactic moral role which was to teach the French people to place loyalty to France above their own personal disagreements with the monarchy and their regional loyalties..apparently, the Jacobin revolutionaries loved it as well..since it reinforced the notion of Republican France, even though it was commissioned originally to serve the interests of a monarchical France..the idea of the transcending value of art and its ideals is brought up...context changes, but good art should always ring true with a timeless message..

Dis-Pair

What is man?

Semester Rant

ok this has been a pretty dead space since February when i came over...n God knows its been a long and trying semester where once again my architectural ability is called into question severely.

sometimes i wish that i had more talent and skill in architecture and with draughting.. i hav that burning passion to draw well and design well and on bad days (and God alone knows how many there've been recently) its only the promise i made that i'd someday use these skills for good in God's service designing and building churches and schools that keeps me going and copping watever flak from my lecturers and tutors on the chin..

as i look back dis semester i can't thank God enough for His Grace and mercy...in everything from getting time extensions to assignments to handling certain romantic issues which have proved to be a quagmire that God kept me from blundering into..

Dad was talking to me yesterday night about the direction Charis Full Gospel Church should go in the next couple of years..its been great knowing that John Stott's book , The Living Church has been having such impact amongst the ministers of my home church.. As an independent pentecostal church we truly do have the opportunity to be different and to ReallY preach the Full Gospel according to the Bible..imagine a Bible based church that teaches God's Word fully and fearfully and that equips members with great tools in reading the Bible and doing ministry... Calvinist Reformed and also fully charismatic and tongue speaking. Truly counter-cultural and truly marked by suffering for Christ. The rebellion that started when we pulled out of AG Singapore will be complete. That fundamental questioning of our foundations which began all those years ago will have been answered by God. We will take God and His Word over the shallow theology of a generation of prosperity gospel preaching. Amputation of the diseased limbs has produced a healthier whole.

on another note, it gets damn lonely here man..wish i could spend time with ahemm..Kian and Richard noe who i'm referring to..not a day goes by without mi thinkin about her and praying over her..Y do i as a Christian noe nothing but sufferings and never the joy of having some1 who cares and understands mi? someone once told mi that we all pay a price for that which we desire most..is the price of desiring God a lifetime of pain and loneliness? is the price of becoming an architect (even a Christian one) the cost of sacrificing the best years of my youth and energy? like Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice,"a pound of flesh for your soul"? a price to pay there is, the dark thoughts drone and descend once more..

Showing Care and Concern

my fren was tellin mi of some issues that some members of her family are facin today...n i realised some very important things..

pple r given to us to care for n show concern for...so dat we may grow in such areas...to b fully human n fully Christian..of course, modern society would say no...everythin is economics n dialectical materialism or hedonism..but Christians should b more considerate n concerned n charitable...

we're different after all...so, its wif some disdain n disgust dat i recount the followin story...u see, my church worships in a commercial building...so we rented a floor n use it for services...n there are 2 other churches worshippin in different floors above us..so its realli a very Singaporean thing to have 3 churches worshippin in the same high rise buildin and havin mail sent to the same address..

the issue is dis..the members of each church r not very kind or generous or Christlike to each other...so, we fight over space in the elevator down after our services (unfortuanately, by some strange quirk of God's will...mayb predestination, our services have similar timings)...we fight over carparking space n we mutter curses n unfrenli stuff under our breath..i'm disgusted wif them n myself for such wanton behaviour...

we need to repent coz our actions n behaviour is anything but Christlike...n we are a slur on the name of Jesus Christ n a shame to Him...i recall the famous verse in Isaiah regardin Israel, "Because of you, my name is profaned amongst the nations"...we suck...period..

so there, we all need to grow in Christian care n concern for each other n in charity, longsuffering, grace, care, concern, love and kindness..i'm sorry for my actions n short temper..

Top 10 countdown

Who's really the king of the Universe? Not dis man thankfulli

while searchin for videos that highlight how human beings who try to run their own lives without God or with themselves as king in God's place inevitably screw up...i found the greatest example of a screw up tryin to run the world's most powerful country(n i'm not too sure about God being honoured as the rightful king inspite of all that rhetoric)..Thank God the universe does not come down to dis bloke's rule...

am i missing Australia?

i hav no ans to dat qn i juz posed in the title..i think i do...but i'm dreadin the whole semester startin again n havin to face some of the most dour lookin n poor attitude givin lecturers n tutors aroun...they couldnt even motivate or inspire a koala...wat more a student?

i do look forward to unichurch n Focus n solid bible study again..i dun find much of dat here in sg...honestly...had a talk wif a fren recently whos back from australia as well n who was part of FOCUS there...but not from newcastle...she agrees generalli...churches in sg talk bout lots of stuff but are not sharp n clear about stuff like full time christian ministry n work n life priorities...n even wat ur salvation means in practice on a day to day basis..

n i wanna juz submerge myself in ministry n my studies n juz not think bout the whole gal n relationship issue...y is it so difficult for a guy to hav his feelins reciprocated i wonder? ok nuff philosophical musings..

been tryin to keep track of unichurch sermons via podcast(or rather, Hunter Bible Church)...its been helpful...thank God for good use of modern technology..i would like to make better use of stuff like you-tube videos n Audio-Visual media for emceein in church n in teachin kids church...how can i do so? hmmmm...shall use my blog as a testin ground for such media...

inertia and determination

am filled with a great deal of inertia now in gettin things done...be it my bible study on the book of James that i'm supposed to e-mail to Paul n Lake...or in gettin my research done on housing patterns in Singapore which i promised i would do as part of my so-called personal summer research..

the onli bright spots would b the weekli kids church ministry that Charis church is doin at the local Boon Keng area and of which i'm a teacher...for better or worse..so, actualli puttin in2 practice the skills i've learned at NTE in sharing the gospel with children and presenting God's Word in a fun and excitin manner has been very rewardin and challengin...the stuff we learn at NTE is really like swimmin in a pool...but real ministry is like swimmin in the open sea with all the inherent dangers...but i kinda like the thrill and excitement involved..

lets talk about some of the kids who have been comin to kids church...C, the 9 year old whose father walked out on the family when she was born(n she's never met him)...beautiful and sweet and smart...n W, the 11 year old gal whose mum walked out on their family 3 years ago..very interested but reserved...D n J, the sisters who live nearby and come to our kids church even though they actualli go to another church on Sundays, Pt, the kid whose birth parents sold to his aunt because of financial difficulties...in the gifted programme of his primary school (for students with genius level intelligence)...who said when we first did 2 Ways To Live that he wanted to choose to live with Jesus as his king rather than anyone else..n others like the half thai siblings P&P n the 2 gals we've been tryin to disciple who were saved a while back but whose father is a chinese temple medium(predestination at work)

i realli dun noe wat to teach the kids under my charge after we finish 2 ways to live...which is in 2 weeks...been prayin about it n I do feel that these children need to noe wat the True love of God the Father is realli like...so i believe thats the direction that we'll be goin..

n i dunno wat to do bout another issue: there are some pple in life u wish u'd met earlier...there are some pple whom one could say i'd b happy to just b wif this person for one day n heck about the rest...n when it seems that this person shares many things in common with u...or at least, lots of common discussion topics...n the most important is ur faith...one realli begins to think that mayb i'm gonna get thru life after all...its not all bleak n dark...but it just seems too good to be true n u're alwaez waitin for the other side of the story to come crashin in...thats the dark/bad side...

at the decisive point where one can really say, i don't know wat i'm doin or wat to do...except pray n ask God to be Lord of this situation...its also the most scary....

I sue ya...Crazy Americans..

Frens' Frens

it seems that Kian's galfren has the same name as another fren of mine i noe..we had a good laugh about it on Sat nite at Boon Keng Prata shop...n of course he had to say,"if u n ur fren-who's-also-got-the-same-name-as-my-galfren get together then when u introduce her to us...its like who copy who..." yes kian...very perceptive...n no, i'm still single...but its a good laugh..

n today, i acted like i'd never been out of Singapore n staying in Australia for 6-9 months at a time when i was like 3cm from some ang mo guys n their chinese galfrens...n they were talkin bout experiences overseas n the places they've been to including Sydney....n deep down i was smilin very slyli....u're talkin bout Sydney? yes, wat do u noe bout it? the charming chaos of Chinatown? the beauty of Harbour Bridge esp at night? the crazy drunkness of Australian pub culture that realli is taken to extremes? Mrs Macquaries Chair..with the superb Harbour Views? Townhall n Worldsquare? Maybe Epping, Chatswood and Strathfield with all their amazing Korean subcultures? Do u even noe that the red pulsating heart of Australia is almost-socialist Labour that would not have Sydney built the way it was (think Newcastle) if they could?

when i'm back home...i kinda miss the place...both Sydney and Newcastle..when i'm there...i miss Singapore n family...such a strange situation huh?

Shhhh...its a SECRET