sergeant sit, u stand..i stand, u knock it down...

Sometimes got some funny pple u hardli noe in life talk rubbish bout u den very very sian n irritatin..2dae..i'm droppin e pseudo-intellectual facade n tryin 2 engage with my heartlander side..

i dun put on masks if dats wat u r thinkin..but i will admit certain pple i treat a littl differentli...k*ni n*, wat do u expect when mr or miss or mrs X show attitude..i also show f***in attitude back la..

den pple push mi in life wat 2 do? push back 3 times harder la..army teach 1 please..ask SAF 1, 2,3, 4, 5 (s'pore no 4 star hor) 'star' also they will agree secretli..

aye, sometimes over here in Newcastle after studio sessions esp. i alwaez want 2 tell e c*** b** ang mo tutors to kiss my a** n die..i never do enuff work? look at e other ang mo students n how much work they do la...lei ge lo mo ah...

k*m lim bei dua l** man..dats wat i alwaez hav in mind when i talk 2 certain folks round about..e wae they do things so karm l*n lor...then still want 2 tell pple how to run their country/lives/frenships n God noes wat else...shen shen ba..think of their children whether got future first la..with their l*n p* attitude in life..

Crazy Horse

we used to be called e Crazy Horses back in SAS..not all of us, onli e class of 3SE n later, 4SE..e reason for dis was our unorthodox behaviour, jokes n characters we had in e class..also for e carzy stunts we used to pull to gain (n deflect) attention..

i did a crazy thing worthy of e name recentli..was actualli persuaded by a close fren to go down to Sydney to visit a fren..alone n with no real plans..n i was willin 2 go down for some reasons dat do not bear mention here..

e thing to hate about e New South Wales transportation system is dat they seem to b perpetualli repairin some portion of the tracks n seekin to upgrade their railways when train station attendants still hav 2 manualli depict the next train timin on e hands of a clock..analogue, not digital, mind u..n where trains pass less than 4cm from each other..how do they do dis without question i wonder...

there i was, tryin 2 get to Sydney when i heard dat trackwork meant we had to transfer to coach for a quarter of e journey..why can't they have direct Greyhound Australia coaches between Sydney n Newcastle a few times daily i dun understand..dis is dumb man..n hyper inconvenient..plus inefficient..

e most eventful part of e trip was e journey back where i decided to change trains at Hamilton Station n come back to e University(Warrabrook) stop..well i did get on e rite train.. but i missed e Uni stop cos it was my 1st time changin trains at Hamilton(normalli we take bus from Broadmeadow; but buses had ceased by 10 45pm--anothr f***ed up situation)..so i ended up somewhere in e Hunter Valley at dis station called Victoria Street (i might as well hav been in Melbourne) when i realised my mistake..Thank God there was still a train back..but waitin dat agonizin 25 minutes was e longest n most gruellin 25 mins of my life ever...n i still had to walk home from uni when i got off at e rite stop dis time..

some kinda trip huh? well, at least meetin dat fren of mine was'nt too bad..it crystallised some tots i had on certain issues quite well..n wat can i say? i look safeli on e road 2 glorious singlehood again..no troubles or excitement..sigh..Praise God still..

About dat Dinosaur Issue

readin a fren's blog bout christian frens in his church who try to impose their sometimes puritanical views on others led mi to wonder bout my own spiritual development n wat made mi e way i am growin up..

i've alwaez had a desire to b open-minded n reasonable (n some hav taken advantage of dat n which i repay in full with their blood)..e last statement was a little ironic huh? but still dis has alwaez been my desire..

in faith, i seek to b like Jesus of e Bible, not some church or denominational view of Jesus but e Biblical view of Him..n sonmetimes, e truth is, many churhces n Christians allow their upbringin n culture 2 influence their view of the saviour..so i've seen Christian homes with the cross on the main door entrance n Chinese Prosperity gods under the TV display cabinet..i call dis e Kitchen god image of Jesus..there as part of ur shelves of idols to protect ur home but not powerful enuff 2 decide if u hav bread to eat tomorrow..a poor idea of Jesus dat comes from a small heart n a small mind..n Jesus still loves u..

e fact is, i grew up e child of a christian minister n i saw many kinds of christians n christian characters..many ugly n sad..n as soon as i was able, i wanted to b like David, slayin e Goliaths of stupid christian tot dat was just not accordin to God's word n was so intolerant..as well as e Christians who believed in them..over e years it became my credo that i would rather b in danger of hellfire den go to e same heaven as some of these so-called christians...hahahahaha...May God have mercy on my soul..but i stand by wat i said..

i dun like fundamentalist, over-conservative Christians even more den e liberal, compromisin kind..alwaez tryin 2 remake e world in their own God-damn image..as if God's makin humanity in His Image was not good enuff..so must remake humanity in urs or mine...wtf?!no dating, its ungodly...no sex, its immoral...no speakin in tongues, God does not work dat way anymore...so no love in them also , cos the love of Jesus is not in them..

who am i to judge or say all dis? nothin but a sinner clingin to e Cross of Christ, stark naked n in tears..God have mercy on mi a sinner i cry daily..mea culpa (i am guilty)..n those who repent r lucky n fortunate n will b happy...for they are Forgiven..dats how a Christian shd live daily..oh, n i like dinosaurs incidentalli..

Confusion n Panic

if i were interested in a gal n i found her behaviour toward mi a bit cold wat should i do? go in like a fool n screw it all up or sit back, act cool n pretend i dun care when its realli killin mi inside?

i realli hav no idea myself..when i was with my ex-gal fren long long ago, it was not so difficult..when u are onli 18 u dun realise e deviousness of human nature yet n u think every1 is nice n good...so u r more trustin n naive..

but as we go thru life we grow up n lose dat magic in life..n suddenli we become more careful, less trustin n 'smarter' where pple n relationships r concerned..i once knew some1 who was a real 'playboy' (as u would consider cassanovas)...i asked him why he was like dat n asked him if he ever felt any guilt e way he was treatin women..he told mi dat he felt guilt but dat he decided to never let women get the better of him after his first relationship which ended in him bein dumped for a better, newer, nicer model of boyfren...

he was tryin 2 get revenge on all womenkind for e pain he suffered..how f**ked up is dat??! but i came 2 realise dat many women i knew were able 2 protect themselves..2 well in fact..they build a shield aroun themselves n in doin so, keep e rest of e world out..like e Great Wall of China or de ang mo equivalent, Hadrian's Wall..n guys realli dunno how 2 get through such armour man...i'm wrestlin with whether i should call up a gal n worryin dat she'll find mi irritatin n pesky..but how else does a guy show concern for some1 if we r not even able 2 communicate?die la like dat...

i promised myself not 2 b e kind of guy who is alwaez worried bout relationships n gals when there r so many better n more important things in life to go about doin..but well..it seems 2 b my naturte dat i alwaez seem 2 kena headache in dis kinda issue...man...i was livin a very happy single life before dis...n wonderin if i would remain single my whole damn kanin* life..n i din seem 2 mind when i realli tot bout it...now well, i'm just anothr lost loneli fool again..u can't go against e tide or buck e trend after all when such attractions (some say distractions) come..

A Philosophical Musin from e Dark Side

In the Caveline Museum of Rome, there is a black marble statue of a centaur with hands bound behind his/its back, in a position of torment..its been said e centaur is reistin e forces of lust n passion..e moral for good Romans lookin at e statue? Passion must be tempered n kept in check by Reason..

thru out history, dis has worked brilliantli for good but when e passion was dark n e reason wicked, dis has brought grave evil...n here i stand 2day...my passion worked up over an issue regardin a frenship dat has been marred with childish temperament n malicious intent..

n today, my reason leads my dark passion for vengence in a pureli rational n sadistic tangent..first,measures will be taken to halt e spread of lies n falsehood seekin 2 tarnish my charcter...then, havin stopped e cancer, e next step will b 2 "cross the Suez Canal from West to East" in e words of Yitzhak Rabbin in 1972 to punish Egypt for an arrogant invasion of Israel from e East..

i will begin my own campaign of Counter-Accusation n Insinuation...Truth for Falsehood, Reality for Deception n True Sincerity for False Sincerity..paraphrasin e words of St Francis of the Dominicans..I do not make enemies easily, but havin been made one..i will exercise all my mortal powers to end e threat of enemy activity n exhaust all avenues to secure e final victory..moral n otherwise..dis a human bein can onli understand who has had 2 fight tooth n nail n claw for everythin in life..just like Jacob of old...

Should a man so easily accept the loss of evrything he has n is becos some1 means him harm? Should a man so easily succumb 2 evil n wicked human nature n lie prostrate b4 a victorious foe? was it not Churchill who said, "in victory magnamity, n in defeat defiance"? A reasonable man, a just man would not accept this adversity without any cry of pain...neither can or will i..

i will not touch dis foe of mine in person..but i will seek 2 counter n hamstring their movements n motives in dis world..not a threat becos i never belief in utterin them...onli a promise...

(dis was written yesterdae but somethin with e library wireless caused a disruption in dis)

Sydney's a Party

i had quite a weird experience over e weekend down at e Sydney party; ostensibli 2 celebrate National Day (just an excuse for debauchery by e Singaporean community realli)..

i came close 2 my edge of sanity n stopped before topplin over n spewin my guts over e sidewalk in evry sense of e word..certain frens were not so possessed of an acute danger sense like mi i must say n went hurtlin in2 e great unknown of drunken alcoholism...its not 2 their shame i say dis..onli factualli...

still, i had a pretty strange experience doin n sayin things i normalli would not do or say under any circumstances to pple...i remembr wat i did n said but it was not wat u'd expect when i'm in my reticent mood (normalli e case)..

it was a great party all in all; down in Sydney, with a noon wake-up e next day in a fren's fren's place (i was fulli clothed n sleepin in e livin room amidst 3 cats n adjacent to 2 course seniors just in case u're thinkin somethin unsanitory) e next dae for e best Hainanese chicken rice i've ever tasted..its been in Sydney dat i've had e best Laksa n now, Chicken rice of my life..its just different eatin familiar cuisine cooked well in a foreign country teemin with alien images..

so then, i do enjoy goin down for a short weekend of fun in Sydney once in a while(evry 2 / 3 months pref) but not every weekend..it is drainin on e heart, soul n spirit..not 2 mention e wallet..n i did find my book on Australian architecture with Peter Stutchbury featured n all..so it was rewardin...neglectin e biazzare Fri nite party n all e drunken frens n senseless speech of course...

She's Trouble

i understand it now why Kian said e single life can b very pleasin..n its not dat difficult gettin used to..

its interestin realli..single life doin wateva u desire with no 1 to realli constrain or stop u..it can feel excellent..esp if u're a non-conformist rebel n outsider like mi..

of course, there will b extremeli loneli days to live thru but i think one can realli b eof great service to God n his frens n society whilst single..fear of old age singlehood? well, dat takes courage livin up to everyday..but seriousli..one day at a time lived in a fulfillin manner b4 God n man realli takes one's mind off such matters...

so i mean, its with certain uncertainty dat a fren told mi recentli dat anothr close fren might b interested in mi...i dunno how 2 respond truli..shd i act as though nothin has happened, confront e person or simpli sit back, observe n wait 2 see how it happens? i'm an opportunist n e last option seems most attractiv 2 mi..i guess i'm just afraid of rejection n a roller coaster emotional ride all over again..

n anywae..its been proven (to mi at least) time n time again dat women r simpli not attracted 2 guys like mi..simple, direct n borin (though i try not 2 think so..its depressin 2 think of urself as boring..not very complimentary)..e onli thing i realli like is soccer, music n readin a good book..so there, dats mi..but as they say, life deals u a deck of cards..good or bad its not for u or mi 2 say..but its our job 2 play our hand 2 e hilt..havin done dis..i can truli exclaim..gd game! at e end of it all..juz like a good Poker/Bridge player..cheers!

Silver Swimmin Dolphins

as some of u may noe, i am part of dat organisation plannin student activities known as the S'pore Students Association Newcastle..n it just so happens 2 b National Day 2dae..

in between doin assignments for an architectural Phase submission, we planned a National Day dinner on a budget n minimal time..it was hectic n tirin i tell ya..but satisfyin in a deep sorta intangible wae dat words can't adequateli express..

there were e babes as usual inc frens who realli dressed 2 kill n showin off their best features while guys arrived with their here-to-fore unknown n unseen galfrens dat looked like God's gift to e human race..or at least e male side of it..there WaS dis 1 particular Eurasian gal...hmmm..though i wonder if its all Eurasians who act cool n proud n distant n dat e world (n all things asian) is so beneath them..

i wonder sometimes though, bout certain inalienabl facts..dat human beins r strange creatures who never understand e intricacies n work-bhind-e-scenes dat goes into any successful event or party..even one so rushed, insignificant n money-losin like e Silver Dolphin National Day Dinner..but den, i dun work for human approval or appreciation..onli for e collectiv welfare of those who represent somethin 2 mi..home n country in dis case..

it was good celebratin our country's birthday overseas all in all..i never felt so much hidden emotion(which i hid bhind a cool posterior) in singin e national anthem or listenin 2 NDP songs by Steph Sun or Kaira Gong (dis yr)...though its back 2 work dis mornin...i believe National Daez r special events..

like i put in my msn nick...(mis-usin e Passover Valedictory; God forgive)..ur fathers ate e bread of independence when they left the Federation..therefore, u are to remember dis dae as a remembrance for all generations to come...

For a Trip to e Northern Valley

a trip up North alwaez brings forth great delights n experiences here in Australia; whether to e Sunshine Coast, Brisbane or Queensland or even e small Hunter Valley where most of e wines for e whole of New South Wales is fermented n cured..

e experience was quite magical n intoxcicatin though i felt it was a little excessive..beautiful acres n acres of vineyards n winery estates with wooden vines, barren n all (since its winter) hangin on metal support wires like some eerie imitation of a cucifix..2 arms outstretched n e stem hangin like e legs of a crucifeid man..weak n broken..risin out of e ground weakli..

well, there were of course, several scattered cheese factories n chocolate fudge production centres which sold excellent cheese n fudge..which i bought (all 500 grams of macadamia n peccan as well as 150 grams of Turkish Apricots) but it was the wine which realli put mi in a state of euphoria (e stage b4 drunkeness..which i abhor n decry..)

then there was e beautiful Irish Eatin Place along e way where we stopped for lunch..amazin mash potatoes(e best i've ever eaten) , mashy green peas(mash dat looks green but tastes awesome) n huge Pork sausages e Irish call Bangers(i can't help but associate dis with vulgar connotations)..unfortunateli..e waitin time was horribl...45 mins for lunch..

so then, i was realli amazed dat a country could devote such acres, kilometers n hectares of land just for wine, chees n chocolate fudge production..n i realise (perversli) wat S'pore misses out on..we're too disjointed frm nature... n economicalli, we're missin out on a great area of economic sustenance..oh well..dats e price of breakneck urbanization n modernization with little space for anythin much rural or agricultural..