U noe, its not dat i went rogue in many areas of life for e sheer heck of it...growin up n seein wat befell many innocent n naive frens led mi 2 e conclusion dat its better 2 maintain a hard edge rather den fall prey 2 e crap dat life throws at one..
n my fren's quote of CS Lewis brought it all bac today,"its not e experienced man who sees evil in everythin, but e novice"...n i remained true 2 e tenets of faith in all areas even durin e difficult army years(n dats not includin BMT which was n still is a walk in e park)..those were years of harrowin n winnowin dat led 2 a streamlined "Mere Christianity" dat Lewis wrote about..
n e stunnin realization dat if leaders r not hard-edged, its those they lead dat invariabli waver n fall...well, one of e goin rogue experiences was realisin dat many charismatic n pentecostal doctrines i did not quite agree with...e mainline dudes i support..esp on e emphasis on e Bible n e need 2 thoroughli substantiate prophecy on e Word..n e overemphasis on prosperity at e expense of e sufferings of Christ by us Charismatic/pentecostals...n e inadequacy of e link between worship n healin n Spiritual Gifts with the Person of Christ n His Cross..which is realli All dat matters...n e misguided theology of allowin certain ministers 2 annoint themselves apostles when Christ onli annointed 12 n no more (n 1 qualification is dat apostles write scripture, e other dat they've touched n seen Christ in e flesh-hmmm, any takers?)
i do believ dat God made it such dat "Every man has onli one destiny" in e words of e Godfather...one lover n wife, one life path, one faith....i juz dun agree when pple say dat i think God wants such n such for u...shd dat not b between God n u? i feel real sad when pple attribute say, e failure of one's church 2 b large n prosperous 2 some ingrain spiritual flaw or inadequacy..wat if God wanted dat 2 show His glory (e same wae He did with e man blind from birth in John's Gospel)
in my experiences, i found dat many times, Christians r allowed 2 suffer..sometimes without explaination...n God's view of justice may b very different from ours...not very poetic in dat...ask e babes who were killed by Herod's thugs...n God does hav favourites..ask Jacob, Joseph n David, not 2 mention Moses n even Jesus Himself..so den, enuff of dat bourgeois interpretation of scripture so prevalent in e churches of e developed world today..spare mi ur bourgeois morals bout stem cell research n contraception..if e Immaculate Conception of Christ were subject 2 Protestant Bioethics approval, Christ would never hav seen e light of day......
apprehension sets in as e clock counts down 2 departure for Australia..Newcastle dat is..hmmm, on a quiet nite i realli can look at e benefits n disadvantages of studyin abroad..
studyin overseas allows 1 to broaden horizons indeed..by forcin us 2 clean up after ourselves n cook edible dishes, in addition 2 jugglin uni work sometimes with a job n handlin profs from a completely different culture n race dat many times clashes with our own (becomin downrite rascism)
n we realise its not all bout e rat race...there truli r so many better things den juz studyin n gettin a job n strugglin 2 climb e corporate ladder...grades n studies r very important, but not evrythin...
but of course, we leav our frens n loved ones behind n those we care about...n all e things dat matter a damn 2 us..n e temptation 2 go in2 stuff like binge drinkin n Mary Jane(dats code for Mahjrihuana)n 2 stay on, bum aroun n bcome a bloke who forgets where he's from, mistakenli thinkin, "i'm local too"..n of course e whole loneliness issue(esp for frens who're havin long-d relationships)
i think in such a world, we're forced 2 grow up pretty quick n become self-sufficient but God-dependent..n we develop our own strong worldviews n moral systems...n we sometimes get a little eccentric...those not given e opp or not choosin dis so-called overseas experience can't see many things e wae we do..dats alrite...but we need to clear up dat we aren't snobs or jia kantang or lousy n can't get in2 local universities or dat our parents hav tonnes 2 fritter away..
many of us self support or hav limited support from parents..i mix mainli with e ex-polytechnic guys n gals who pay their wae thru uni overseas thru e sweat of their backs n brows..truli noble n i salute them forever...we all want somethin better man...dats y we're on study attachment overseas as i call it.... see u guys soon
Dat was a nice party n dinner last nite with e Rovers, Ventures n Rover squires...it felt like comin home 2.....family again...i would like 2 realli get involved in a teachin n plannin role with e ol SA Scout Group whenever i'm bac for e holidays..
it also gets all tots dat i dislike outta my head...i'm full on involved n am doin somethin positive n constructive..there's so much i'd like 2 teach e boys..not just in terms of skills but also in terms of leadership n command..like e value of morale in any group of people n how e patrol leaders n system can bring dat up to e full..n how exercisin shd push e body 2 its limits 2 explore e boundaries of wat we r physicalli..
n its nice 2 work with fresh blood not part of e traditional all-boys scoutin system...e female rover squires..their thinkin can b quite refreshin at times (even though i'd never admit it & see it as an annoyance at others)...n i made 1 interestin observation...not all SA pple r jia kantang as i'd remembered from my days...they sing in chinese n cantonese even (amazin when u're not a native speaker like miself *ahem*)
e major shock was discoverin dat e current ventures had a (lets call her miss e) of their own...durin our batch, a similar miss A(slightly different spellin) caused mi much hardship...hahahaha...if she ever sees dis i'm f***in screwed...amongst e great funnies n ironies was learnin dat e current gals seem 2 b more active den e guys n dat an ex-ij T.P gal actualli would join e SA Scout Unit...hahahahahahaha..God, e difference a few yrs make...its just so inconceivable for my time la...
n, happy chinese new yr blokes...
Dats Soft Construction With Boiled Beans: A Premonition of Civil War by Salvador Dali
U tutorin dicks can critique dis for Design 2A n 1B dis year
Valentines Day is traced bac 2 when St Valentine chose 2 marry couples in defiance of Roman laws forbiddin Christians 2 marry in a futile effort 2 control Christianity's adherents n no.s durin e Roman Empire.....
e noble has thru time of course, been replace by e mundane, much as Easter which has nothin 2 do with eggs(dats from e pagan worship of e Greek goddess Eoster of e Dawn), added dat on as time went by...so now we hav heart shaped balloons n 99 red roses n cake n sexy dressin n sex...
nothin against dat of course (well 'cept e sex bit mayb) since i once did dat 2 gals i was chasin n my ex-gal-fren(again not e sex bit, unless u disbelieve mi)... but it does somehow dishearten those of us who r, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness n in health,(but hopefully not till death do we part) alone...
i'm not goin 2 lambast Valentines Day n love like e (enormousli fun) movie Down With Love nor am i goin 2 lament n grieve over singlehood angst..i am goin 2 b realistic n say dat it is nice 2 see public affections of love n romance but dat it also brings 2 mind e fact dat sometimes love passes n does not last...who i spend V dae with dis yr may not b e same as dat last or next yr...
dun get mi wrong..i do believe in divine appointment n sovereignty, juz not dat much in human nature...In God i Trust, all others bring cash...
oh, n by e wae, Ghostrider officialli debuts 2dae..juz as V'dae ends...Rider by Nightzzzzz.........
as some frens might noe thru long association with mi, i can b very dark n broodin at times even though i'm normalli bright n easy-goin..
I can b as dark as u Shian, if u ever read dis....gothic themes n hard gritty scenes r wat i alwaez admire... dats y my hero is Hannibal Lecter n i loved Kill Bill 1 & 2...Speakin of which, Hannibal Risin is comin out March dis yr n Ghost Rider, dat counter-culture anti-hero comic, is comin out dis thurs...
i love anti-heros like Spawn n now, GhostRider man...Man by day, Rider by Night...e whole skull n Biker thing is just so fascintatin 2 mi man...i'm seriousli disturbed i noe...yeah, i think when some1 next asks mi how i am, i shd reply,"i'm disturbed, seriousli"
n Hannibal? e guy's a genius man...e way he sees humanity in terms of culinary experiment...a whole new view on life man..killin for no simpler reason den 2 satisfy hunger....dats purity man...clear vision n purpose...
i'm rogue where movies r concerned man...forget blood n gore...show mi e darkest recesses n deepest desires of e human heart man...Fascinatin stuff...
Wakes bring closure...wakes help e livin to put everythin down n move on...
sometimes we need wakes to bury certain things n move on in life...sometimes, we need wakes to bury pple close 2 us...sometimes we need wakes to wake up, square our shoulders n move on...
my fren whose close relative passed away recently, dis is for u...dun worry bout e peculiar emotions followin loss..experience it, accept it n den lets move on...e world alwaez ends for some1 everyday...why let it b u 2day?
i guess u can call mi a bleak b*stard...but seriously,i paraphrase someone great ( an Emperor actualli )...o man, u are not ejected from life by some unjust judge, but by He dat brought u into it...just like an actor dismissed by a manager..but i've onli finished 3 out of 5 acts u say...so be it, in ur drama of life, 3 acts are all e play.He who formerly sanctioned ur creation 2day also sanctions ur dissolution n neither of those decisions lay within urself. Go on ur way den, with a smilin face, under the smile of Him who bids u go...
well...lets start somewhere....dis year...i hate updatin frenster....y? everytime i go on frenster, i realise just how many of my ol frens i onli contact thru frenster now...n how many hav moved on so far in their lives...while i hav been made agonisinli slow progress
it leaves mi with a sense of unease n dread..after 5 yrs..how many of my frens will b left?
n it also leads mi to think of wat i'll b doin 5 yrs from now....n where i've come in e last 5 years..morbid tot huh?oh well, dats frenster for u...n my morbid tots on it....sometimes i begin 2 wonder if i hav sociopathic or pschopathic tendencies...hahahahahaha
sometimes i need to get things off my chest n i feel bloggin bout it seems e best way..
i've had some nasty experiences in e past with certain persons whom i was chasin...n dat threw mi off datin for quite some time..
den i realise dat someone comes along n e whole world can turn upside n down..but den it makes mi recall past failures n nasty experiences n makes mi realli apprehensive over e whole issue..
n i feel horrible all over again..insecurity comes in n a lack of confidance which realli shows mi up for who i am..alwaez over-analyzin n worryin bout bein made use of while actin e coward 2 often..face to face with my own shortcomins is like lookin in2 a dark mirror..just like e Corinthian character in e Sandman series..revealin e darkest secrets n facets of what we are n wat we are afraid 2 face up to..n there we find our darkest passions dat grip us n hold us in a vice n drive us forward...
dun be fooled..every1 has a or some dark passions...n i dun think these r bad neccessarily..just wat God puts in us dat allows us 2 struggle with, sometimes overcomin, sometimes succumbin...n invariabli turned 2wards His noble ends..
my dark passion/s? A main one is the search for identity, security n Respect..yes..dat word...Respect...my pax imperium dat e onli way a man can b respected is thru wat he accomplishes n makes...not altogethr rite n not 1 i agree with totalli..but its there..
another is e search for stability n normality..sometimes i feel as if i'm not "normal"..thus does e search for bein normal aka most comfortable n maintainable continue..
if we shadows do offend, think but dis n all is mended,
dat u hav but slumbered here, while these visions did appear.
give mi ur hands if we be friends,
and
we
dark
passions
shall
restore
amends.
(adapted n modified from A Mid-Summer Night's Dream By Neil Gaiman)
u noe, they realli shd offer a course at universities Worldwide for both Engineerin n Science Students n as an elective 2 biz ad, commerce, management, social science n in fact, any degree dat will deal with some aspect of e real world one day in life...
wats dis module? Its a very scientific theory and hypothesis dat should get its theorist a Noble Prize like John Nash...hell they shd offer it as a degree in its own rite n dedicate a faculty or institution at Princeton or Cambridge(hear Gabriel)to the study n development of understandin of this hypothesis..mayb create a think-tank or 2 devoted 2 usin this mathematical theory 2 analyse e world..
every1 must b fed up with me by now..wats dis elegaic non-algebraic theorem u r shoutin at e top of ya lungs..for God's sake, tell us say u...ok ok..its called The Atrophical Uniting Theorem of Moffat...in laymen's terms...Murphy's Law.. where alpha tends through n phases towards omega..where alpha represents Unity, Order, Harmony and perfection whereas omega represents chaos, malfunction, destruction, disorder n breakdown...
everything breaks down n fails as time goes by, represented by each n phase where the worst time n circumstance possible is the n event.i mean, i come home from Australia for e holidays n n event takes place...my internet connection breaks down at home n i can't use e net at home..i come back from australia n on e days i wish 2 meet my frens..n event happens..all studyin for exams, out in army on mission or rushin work thru for some big assignment..i come bacvk just in time for a busy christmas period when n happens...my pastors r away in some capacity ministerin overseas n e hard work of christmas preparations is shared by far 2 few pple..i come home from australia, go clubbin where n happens..i see 1 of e reasons i left for australia on e dance floor with some sick dude..
now e theme song for dis n phase has got 2 b Depeche Mode's I Just Can't Get Enough...Murphy's Law...awesome stuff man..hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Ahhahaha...dats prob e most gay-lo image i'll ever take n upload of myself...Hillsongs at Seven Hills...Ground Zero of the all singin, all worshippin but sadli, very commercialised Pentecoastal phenomenon in Australia n e world over..
yes, deng lai liao! finalli back home after 6 months of uni dat match in intensity e worst combat training schedule in e SAF...so wats next? well first, redesignin e interior of Charis Church for Christmas n e comin year..n my room..n freelance logo design work for a fren's company..at least i hope so..in addition 2 learnin drivin, autocad n archicad plus workin on Indesign n Adobe Illustrator..
interestin dat i've become more concerned with Christian fundamentals dis year..like e study of the cross n its centrality in e life of a christian..such a study is, i believe, e way 2 counter e so-called prosperity gospel..with e suffering gospel of the cross..n i've become a little fascinated by e ways in which we pentecostals hav deviated from the teachins of e n Bible..it is my supreme desire, one day, to write a book entitled Whats Wrong with us Pentecostals? Oh well, truth demands an examination of conscience n a recognition of fallin short..
its not dat i love bein a critic..just dat i feel dat all of us need a voice of conscience now n den 2 cry out, Prepare e Way of e Lord! Make Straight e Crooked Paths..just like e ancient Roman generals returnin triumphant from war had a small dwarf in their entourage whisperin into their ear, "Temporal glory is fleetin..dis too shall pass away"..
e voice of conscience asks 2day, wats wrong with e church? wats wrong with society..especially singaporean? mayb just about everything....
been feeling inspired lately...by events organised with the SSA Newcatsle like our Dinner held b4 most of e Singaporeans' exams..as seen above..n by e exhibition of final year Architecture Seniors' works as seen in e previous photos dis week..
i discovered some issues of dat underground British architecture journal known as Archigram..n i've been so inspired by e visual n graphic presentation..n e whole counter-culture idea all over again..anti-establishment, rebellious n radical..dats wat i love man.. just like e wonderful Deconstructivist final yr project known as This Is Not Culture..i like such stuff..n e high quality panel presentation n detail models..
n e elegant final dinner at Larna Thai Restaurant organised with SSA Newcastle n SIthu's excellent help realli showed us in dis year's comm dat we could b capable of so much more..e year of experimentation for our comm has ended with dis final project..a year of consolidation lies ahead..n God willing, a year of advance after dat...but as alwaez, e Will of God is impervious to the musings of man..
where are my manners? in e photo above, from left to right...Sithu n Evelynn standing, Flavian(i wonder if he's named after e Roman Emperor Vespasius Flavius), myself n Bingyu(excellent housemate)..
Exquisite Model-making!
Gillette's famous tag is "the best that man can get"..but sometimes, I feel like i hav not gotten e best..
in terms of e work i'm doin here in Newcastle, I dun seem to hav achieved e best performance i could under e most tryin conditions..i dun seem to hav gotten e best results, measure for measure for e work i've put in dis year..dun get mi wrong..or as George Bush junior would call it, make no mistake..i hav put in my very best dis yr..but still hav come away a little disappointed..
wat seems to b e issue i wonder? a lack of experience? a lack of technical skill? certainly..a lack of imagination? impossibly..a lack of favour..divine and human? with equal parts mixed in, no doubt...
still, an acceptance of fact is imperative..certain academic areas r indeed lackin in my year's work..n there is great room for improvement..i made a vow b4 dat i would never fear a dead thing like an academic subject or academic weakness..not since i detonated my first 10 kg of explosives..n i do not indeed fear obstacles or difficulties..
to the Almighty i give my personal best..n den, i plan how, as it were, to succeed without ambiguity...beyond reproach n with all speed..an obstacle is there to be overcome..n a weakness to b corrected..dis too is vanity..yet it shall be..for life is short n the days long..wat use is dwelling on wat might hav been?
Wat can one week do? a lot is my answer..a week is e difference between havin lotsa sch work n assignments n havin ur fate determined by some presentation of ur work for e last 3 months dat is not very comfortin...
den there's one final bang..or rather 2..before e academic yr fizzles out..website design with html dat i never tried b4..without e help of a html editin program mind..n Archicad..e architect's version of Auto-cad...but realli e worst is over..
it was hell week while it lasted sia.. two n a half weeks of sleepin at 6 am n wakin at 12 noon to continue work or 10 am to go for class n tutorials...n worst of all, its settled in a flash of 3 mins in front of 3 hyper-critical, racialli -biasede tutors who realli dun giv a damn if i pass or fail..well, dat stinks man..but i figure its alwaez gonna b a struggle for guys like mi...
its a hard fight alwaez..struggle thru a-levels...in e army, sispec n 46 SAR..den now here also struggle...haiz..sometimes i wish dat it would b a lil easier..n dat some slack might b cut mi..but it never seems to b e case..so i juz perservere n fight...like e Israelis...alone, isolated, independent n uncared for...but as such, we who fight make sure dat we WiN..bcos dat is wat matters...not wat pple think..God alone is judge...
well, like e Israelis, i will evolve new doctrines, new order of battle, new tactics n new strategies..arma virumque cano is how Virgil begins his great nationalist Roman epic The Aeneid..I sing of war n a man at arms..choice is irrelevant when assaults r laid at e gate..onli e sleek, lean, hungry n prepared survive n thrive..dis yr has been a baptism of fire..i will do wat i must next yr...
i realise i haven't done philosophy for some time...wat branch of philosophy should we delve into 2day n bore evry1 to death in an egomainical manner?
mayb e idea of wat satire is...political n otherwise..i'm treadin a fine line here...so b4 goin any further, bak chor mee ai te quah mai? mee siam hum bei?
actualli, i think mr Brown actualli meant mee siam mai hiam..not mai hum..but realli, some high level Powers in the world should not take it so personalli la..n anywaez, its good dat someone stood up n said wat he wanted to say...n best of all...made evry1 hav a good laugh...not like e Lenin of Singapore politics (who refused to co-operate with e Russian govt b4 Oct 1917 n was imprisoned for radical ideas)..mark my words, dat former NUS Associate Professor is DAMN smart..if e current Power of authority back home is toppled, he will b e 1st to sae I TOLD U SO n b credited for it....total non-cooperation is a stance to gain attention n influence...
back 2 satire..y should newspapers not hav a cartoon satire page? caricature cartoons need not onli b for political purposes..i noe many cartoons ridiculin e state of society n many dat ridicule celebrities...such as Pamela Anderson n her immense n generous bosom buddies...e best social commentary cartoon i saw was 1 where a house was bein burned down 'to flush out rats' n was an allegory of over-reaction in a certain society in e world(not s'pore)
haiz, lets all hav a few laughs at e expense of society, politics n even e media...hmmm, mayb dats y e media back home does not support satire as well...cos pple can laugh at them too...smart pple noe dat society needs a littl shakin up from time 2 time..smarter pple noe to shake a little, step back, den when it all calms down, shake again..guerilla warfare its called...n its pretty damn well effective cos a few smart pple can hold a Caesar or e entire populace at bay...or at ransom..u gotta love power man...its a satire of e human condition itself..
U noe, its not dat i went rogue in many areas of life for e sheer heck of it...growin up n seein wat befell many innocent n naive frens led mi 2 e conclusion dat its better 2 maintain a hard edge rather den fall prey 2 e crap dat life throws at one..
