About dat Dinosaur Issue

readin a fren's blog bout christian frens in his church who try to impose their sometimes puritanical views on others led mi to wonder bout my own spiritual development n wat made mi e way i am growin up..

i've alwaez had a desire to b open-minded n reasonable (n some hav taken advantage of dat n which i repay in full with their blood)..e last statement was a little ironic huh? but still dis has alwaez been my desire..

in faith, i seek to b like Jesus of e Bible, not some church or denominational view of Jesus but e Biblical view of Him..n sonmetimes, e truth is, many churhces n Christians allow their upbringin n culture 2 influence their view of the saviour..so i've seen Christian homes with the cross on the main door entrance n Chinese Prosperity gods under the TV display cabinet..i call dis e Kitchen god image of Jesus..there as part of ur shelves of idols to protect ur home but not powerful enuff 2 decide if u hav bread to eat tomorrow..a poor idea of Jesus dat comes from a small heart n a small mind..n Jesus still loves u..

e fact is, i grew up e child of a christian minister n i saw many kinds of christians n christian characters..many ugly n sad..n as soon as i was able, i wanted to b like David, slayin e Goliaths of stupid christian tot dat was just not accordin to God's word n was so intolerant..as well as e Christians who believed in them..over e years it became my credo that i would rather b in danger of hellfire den go to e same heaven as some of these so-called christians...hahahahaha...May God have mercy on my soul..but i stand by wat i said..

i dun like fundamentalist, over-conservative Christians even more den e liberal, compromisin kind..alwaez tryin 2 remake e world in their own God-damn image..as if God's makin humanity in His Image was not good enuff..so must remake humanity in urs or mine...wtf?!no dating, its ungodly...no sex, its immoral...no speakin in tongues, God does not work dat way anymore...so no love in them also , cos the love of Jesus is not in them..

who am i to judge or say all dis? nothin but a sinner clingin to e Cross of Christ, stark naked n in tears..God have mercy on mi a sinner i cry daily..mea culpa (i am guilty)..n those who repent r lucky n fortunate n will b happy...for they are Forgiven..dats how a Christian shd live daily..oh, n i like dinosaurs incidentalli..

Confusion n Panic

if i were interested in a gal n i found her behaviour toward mi a bit cold wat should i do? go in like a fool n screw it all up or sit back, act cool n pretend i dun care when its realli killin mi inside?

i realli hav no idea myself..when i was with my ex-gal fren long long ago, it was not so difficult..when u are onli 18 u dun realise e deviousness of human nature yet n u think every1 is nice n good...so u r more trustin n naive..

but as we go thru life we grow up n lose dat magic in life..n suddenli we become more careful, less trustin n 'smarter' where pple n relationships r concerned..i once knew some1 who was a real 'playboy' (as u would consider cassanovas)...i asked him why he was like dat n asked him if he ever felt any guilt e way he was treatin women..he told mi dat he felt guilt but dat he decided to never let women get the better of him after his first relationship which ended in him bein dumped for a better, newer, nicer model of boyfren...

he was tryin 2 get revenge on all womenkind for e pain he suffered..how f**ked up is dat??! but i came 2 realise dat many women i knew were able 2 protect themselves..2 well in fact..they build a shield aroun themselves n in doin so, keep e rest of e world out..like e Great Wall of China or de ang mo equivalent, Hadrian's Wall..n guys realli dunno how 2 get through such armour man...i'm wrestlin with whether i should call up a gal n worryin dat she'll find mi irritatin n pesky..but how else does a guy show concern for some1 if we r not even able 2 communicate?die la like dat...

i promised myself not 2 b e kind of guy who is alwaez worried bout relationships n gals when there r so many better n more important things in life to go about doin..but well..it seems 2 b my naturte dat i alwaez seem 2 kena headache in dis kinda issue...man...i was livin a very happy single life before dis...n wonderin if i would remain single my whole damn kanin* life..n i din seem 2 mind when i realli tot bout it...now well, i'm just anothr lost loneli fool again..u can't go against e tide or buck e trend after all when such attractions (some say distractions) come..

A Philosophical Musin from e Dark Side

In the Caveline Museum of Rome, there is a black marble statue of a centaur with hands bound behind his/its back, in a position of torment..its been said e centaur is reistin e forces of lust n passion..e moral for good Romans lookin at e statue? Passion must be tempered n kept in check by Reason..

thru out history, dis has worked brilliantli for good but when e passion was dark n e reason wicked, dis has brought grave evil...n here i stand 2day...my passion worked up over an issue regardin a frenship dat has been marred with childish temperament n malicious intent..

n today, my reason leads my dark passion for vengence in a pureli rational n sadistic tangent..first,measures will be taken to halt e spread of lies n falsehood seekin 2 tarnish my charcter...then, havin stopped e cancer, e next step will b 2 "cross the Suez Canal from West to East" in e words of Yitzhak Rabbin in 1972 to punish Egypt for an arrogant invasion of Israel from e East..

i will begin my own campaign of Counter-Accusation n Insinuation...Truth for Falsehood, Reality for Deception n True Sincerity for False Sincerity..paraphrasin e words of St Francis of the Dominicans..I do not make enemies easily, but havin been made one..i will exercise all my mortal powers to end e threat of enemy activity n exhaust all avenues to secure e final victory..moral n otherwise..dis a human bein can onli understand who has had 2 fight tooth n nail n claw for everythin in life..just like Jacob of old...

Should a man so easily accept the loss of evrything he has n is becos some1 means him harm? Should a man so easily succumb 2 evil n wicked human nature n lie prostrate b4 a victorious foe? was it not Churchill who said, "in victory magnamity, n in defeat defiance"? A reasonable man, a just man would not accept this adversity without any cry of pain...neither can or will i..

i will not touch dis foe of mine in person..but i will seek 2 counter n hamstring their movements n motives in dis world..not a threat becos i never belief in utterin them...onli a promise...

(dis was written yesterdae but somethin with e library wireless caused a disruption in dis)

Sydney's a Party

i had quite a weird experience over e weekend down at e Sydney party; ostensibli 2 celebrate National Day (just an excuse for debauchery by e Singaporean community realli)..

i came close 2 my edge of sanity n stopped before topplin over n spewin my guts over e sidewalk in evry sense of e word..certain frens were not so possessed of an acute danger sense like mi i must say n went hurtlin in2 e great unknown of drunken alcoholism...its not 2 their shame i say dis..onli factualli...

still, i had a pretty strange experience doin n sayin things i normalli would not do or say under any circumstances to pple...i remembr wat i did n said but it was not wat u'd expect when i'm in my reticent mood (normalli e case)..

it was a great party all in all; down in Sydney, with a noon wake-up e next day in a fren's fren's place (i was fulli clothed n sleepin in e livin room amidst 3 cats n adjacent to 2 course seniors just in case u're thinkin somethin unsanitory) e next dae for e best Hainanese chicken rice i've ever tasted..its been in Sydney dat i've had e best Laksa n now, Chicken rice of my life..its just different eatin familiar cuisine cooked well in a foreign country teemin with alien images..

so then, i do enjoy goin down for a short weekend of fun in Sydney once in a while(evry 2 / 3 months pref) but not every weekend..it is drainin on e heart, soul n spirit..not 2 mention e wallet..n i did find my book on Australian architecture with Peter Stutchbury featured n all..so it was rewardin...neglectin e biazzare Fri nite party n all e drunken frens n senseless speech of course...

She's Trouble

i understand it now why Kian said e single life can b very pleasin..n its not dat difficult gettin used to..

its interestin realli..single life doin wateva u desire with no 1 to realli constrain or stop u..it can feel excellent..esp if u're a non-conformist rebel n outsider like mi..

of course, there will b extremeli loneli days to live thru but i think one can realli b eof great service to God n his frens n society whilst single..fear of old age singlehood? well, dat takes courage livin up to everyday..but seriousli..one day at a time lived in a fulfillin manner b4 God n man realli takes one's mind off such matters...

so i mean, its with certain uncertainty dat a fren told mi recentli dat anothr close fren might b interested in mi...i dunno how 2 respond truli..shd i act as though nothin has happened, confront e person or simpli sit back, observe n wait 2 see how it happens? i'm an opportunist n e last option seems most attractiv 2 mi..i guess i'm just afraid of rejection n a roller coaster emotional ride all over again..

n anywae..its been proven (to mi at least) time n time again dat women r simpli not attracted 2 guys like mi..simple, direct n borin (though i try not 2 think so..its depressin 2 think of urself as boring..not very complimentary)..e onli thing i realli like is soccer, music n readin a good book..so there, dats mi..but as they say, life deals u a deck of cards..good or bad its not for u or mi 2 say..but its our job 2 play our hand 2 e hilt..havin done dis..i can truli exclaim..gd game! at e end of it all..juz like a good Poker/Bridge player..cheers!

Silver Swimmin Dolphins

as some of u may noe, i am part of dat organisation plannin student activities known as the S'pore Students Association Newcastle..n it just so happens 2 b National Day 2dae..

in between doin assignments for an architectural Phase submission, we planned a National Day dinner on a budget n minimal time..it was hectic n tirin i tell ya..but satisfyin in a deep sorta intangible wae dat words can't adequateli express..

there were e babes as usual inc frens who realli dressed 2 kill n showin off their best features while guys arrived with their here-to-fore unknown n unseen galfrens dat looked like God's gift to e human race..or at least e male side of it..there WaS dis 1 particular Eurasian gal...hmmm..though i wonder if its all Eurasians who act cool n proud n distant n dat e world (n all things asian) is so beneath them..

i wonder sometimes though, bout certain inalienabl facts..dat human beins r strange creatures who never understand e intricacies n work-bhind-e-scenes dat goes into any successful event or party..even one so rushed, insignificant n money-losin like e Silver Dolphin National Day Dinner..but den, i dun work for human approval or appreciation..onli for e collectiv welfare of those who represent somethin 2 mi..home n country in dis case..

it was good celebratin our country's birthday overseas all in all..i never felt so much hidden emotion(which i hid bhind a cool posterior) in singin e national anthem or listenin 2 NDP songs by Steph Sun or Kaira Gong (dis yr)...though its back 2 work dis mornin...i believe National Daez r special events..

like i put in my msn nick...(mis-usin e Passover Valedictory; God forgive)..ur fathers ate e bread of independence when they left the Federation..therefore, u are to remember dis dae as a remembrance for all generations to come...

For a Trip to e Northern Valley

a trip up North alwaez brings forth great delights n experiences here in Australia; whether to e Sunshine Coast, Brisbane or Queensland or even e small Hunter Valley where most of e wines for e whole of New South Wales is fermented n cured..

e experience was quite magical n intoxcicatin though i felt it was a little excessive..beautiful acres n acres of vineyards n winery estates with wooden vines, barren n all (since its winter) hangin on metal support wires like some eerie imitation of a cucifix..2 arms outstretched n e stem hangin like e legs of a crucifeid man..weak n broken..risin out of e ground weakli..

well, there were of course, several scattered cheese factories n chocolate fudge production centres which sold excellent cheese n fudge..which i bought (all 500 grams of macadamia n peccan as well as 150 grams of Turkish Apricots) but it was the wine which realli put mi in a state of euphoria (e stage b4 drunkeness..which i abhor n decry..)

then there was e beautiful Irish Eatin Place along e way where we stopped for lunch..amazin mash potatoes(e best i've ever eaten) , mashy green peas(mash dat looks green but tastes awesome) n huge Pork sausages e Irish call Bangers(i can't help but associate dis with vulgar connotations)..unfortunateli..e waitin time was horribl...45 mins for lunch..

so then, i was realli amazed dat a country could devote such acres, kilometers n hectares of land just for wine, chees n chocolate fudge production..n i realise (perversli) wat S'pore misses out on..we're too disjointed frm nature... n economicalli, we're missin out on a great area of economic sustenance..oh well..dats e price of breakneck urbanization n modernization with little space for anythin much rural or agricultural..

a Lamentation

when i feel down i listen 2 music that either 1) depicts my mood or 2) lifts up my mood...dats y i like complex tunes that on listenin, reveal different layers n many complex moods for all occasions..

if i had to choose a piece for my mood, it would eithr b Linkin Park's In The End or a realli sad chinese piece like Wu Bai's Tong Kun de Ren..

i cannot understand e mind of some of these young female things esp e ones in University n esp esp e one who juz broke my best fren's heart back home...taken for a ride? or simpli not good enuff? or e game is over n e player is due 2 b thrown out?

my fren's heart is not a wet piece of rag 2 b thrown aroun..neithr ismine or any other guys'..i seem 2 b more up in arms ovr dis issue den my best fren..i guess when i see his pain i think back on my own 'almost perfect' relationships that r so sad on their own..

dats y i closed e door on romantic involvement a while ago (earlier in e yr) n onli One Supreme Fren has the key...n dis is y I want 2 direct my energies to achievin somethin worthwhile in dis life n in Newcastle..becos like e Israelis, i noe dat for evrythin in life i hav ever truli wanted, i've had 2 fight hand, tooth, nail n claw for..as Golda Meir (one of e women I respect e most) said, e world will stand n watch Jewish blood bein spilled n do nothin..we hav to do somethin for our own pple..n dat has made mi realise dat we hav 2 safeguard our interests in life..esp affairs of e heart..

well, i can onli cry for my fren n pray for him...n vow dat one day, we who crawl on our bellies in e dust will rise up to rule e universe...

Bronchial Troubles

its strange when optimal levels of efficiency n work r just missed completeli due to poor health..everywhere round the world children in Africa, adults in overcrowded Tokyo n underdeveloped Rio De Janeiro , even obese adolescents in the great land of opportunity, The US of A, r succumbin to bouts of sickness n ill-health that impedes e global Gross Domestic Output added togethr...

n these past few weeks, i've joined their ranks...my work is impeded by e terribl fact dat my ol' Bronchial troubles with e horribl hackin dry cough n obsceneli-coloured phelgm as well as wheezin n congested air passages hav returned in force...with e onset of a Mid-year winter dats a unique characrteristic of e southern hemisphere..

ah well, efficiency goes down n spendin on medication increases..i now noe e importance of havin an effectiv n well-tot out(indeed, fully rational) medical/healthcare system..my appointment with the Campus Doctor aka Medical Centre is scheduled for Thurs n i've 2 wait till den to get some proper medication abov e cough lozenge sort sold over e counter here...i guess dats due to e fact dat its free..so i can't complain (onli e consultation; e medicine is a different story n for which i'll hav 2 crawl half-dead n wheezin 3 km away frm my home2 get frm e nearest pharmacy...wat r e odds of dyin before i reach, i truli wonder?)

well, on e bright side...it is good 2 abl 2 see a doctor at all when sick kids in China's Anzhou provinces hav onli far-flung Chinese Physicians (not dat i'm despisin them but e medication takes weird forms n tastes while takin foreva 2 work--as all traditional n alternativ natural medicines do...lengthy time is needed for discernibl effect)..so then, i try 2 temper my Singaporean trait for complainin with a slight dose of reality n awareness..

but dis still does not detract frm e misery inflicted on my throat n air sacs of the vascular system by each consecutiv wreckin cough..like an ancient Ottoman cannon blowin holes in Constantinople's walls, i wonder if e walls of my lungs can withstand dis Battle of Lungs Deep...i betta stop complainin n start prayin in faith for healin..

About First Weeks

1st weeks r supposed 2 b relaxin where a student is eased into e work expected of him or her in e rest of e semester..n where unsuspectingli, he or she is gradualli lowered in2 a pot of boilin fat..but not dis time in my case..

a 1st assignment given on e 1st day of sch n due on e first lesson of e term(thurs) was dropped on us like 'Fat Boy' bein dropped on e unwittin inhabitants of Hiroshima...n i prepared for it e way a guy who's just dug his trench is told dat an attack is underway n he'll hav 2 do his best 2 defend wat he just dug..which is not much..

to e day i die i'll never b convinced dat teachers r not rubbin their hands in glee at e tot of bein able 2 catch students unawares (with their pants down so 2 speak) so dat we might b failed n hav our lives ruined n our futures lookin as bright as e nearest garbage can collector's..y can't we ever hav teachers like Frank McCourt..who would tell his students to clear e tables n chairs n lie on e floor in e dark for a whole period..as a primer for an important lesson..

well, i believe it'll onli get worse with deadlines n workload overpiled from floor to ceilin..well, i've resolved several things dis sem..gettin my first distinctions inc 1 for design..e holy grail of respectability for an archi student..no, not quite..High distinction is e holy grail..n workin out 3 times a week..n gettin my drivin licence in australia..plus more involvment in SSA n FOCUS/NCS work..quite a load..

n tryin 2 be a bit more net-savvy..even goin on msn n skype more..juz to keep in touch with e guys n close frens back home..n in other parts of Australia..well e onli thing 2 look forward 2 is Autonomy Day next Thurs..we'll see how dat goes n i'll explain wat e hell dat is in e days ahead..

Alternate Persona Jon

i speak black words...wat they call a split personality disorder comes back 2 haunt these posts..

speech must b rational? but i'm delirious..so easy 2 let go..pages fly upwards or up words..n i see clear thru dark mists in foggy depths..e road said 50 km to Taree n i'm travellin on e sign post far away..

Rosevelt married his cousin n Theodore was his grandfather..so who r u? so speedy was the animal dat swung from the fence to the tree dat she was clobbered..Animal!!! like a cat or dog u thinks..but yes, its neithr cat and dog..but strangelove..Dr Strangelove

my fren does wrong things..smart wrong things..or stupid rite things? snares sugar in spring traps n lookin for love in all e wrong places while e days get cold n dull n e stars fall from e sky n e sons of e mud rise up 2 claim thin air n red giants..the man crossed the road to loud applause..is dat wat e CIA wanted?

money worries n bad gals who try e good game with good boys gone bad tell e story of a life unravellin..ripped up n thrown into e guts of some deep sea urchin dat shoots fire..many times unknown statues rise n de-errect n i no longer like Ecclesiastical Kingdoms..Babylon e Great has fallen n her works r overturned!

breakin news in e wide world causes narrow grief...n i wonder wat evil is dat often goes worser n worser till it becomes worstest...n a tale of 2 cities becomes e norm..1 town Rome n e othr declinin Spain while the sun shines n earth spins out out out..no orbit or chaos..order inverse no less..or more..

i see clearli again..flatline submarine...

Return 2 Winter

apologies for dat long lull in blog-postin but e tot of stayin home longer than i should juz 2 post somethin when i could b out with e bros n frens was just not appealin..

now i've returned 2 Australia..with e colds n lows (but thankfulli no snows) of re-newed uni life..darn u blokes at NUS, NTU n SMU who hav till August lor..but it was a good time we all had durin those 4 weeks..

watchin late nite or rather early-mornin soccer with Kian n also with Fuzz n YK followed by sleepin on e couch till 12 noon was realli WANTON decadence on a grand scale la!! n then there was e trip 2 Bintan which realli re-awakened dat love for e sun, sand n sea dat i had in secondary sch...realli tropical holiday style ala xia ri mo mo cha..dat was shiok man..

now, e return 2 Australia was fraught with some confusion n animosity(2wards my travel agent) but dats been forgotten a great deal by e excellent Wintercon '06 camp..i'm truli impressed..from e viewpoint of both a Christian n e viewpoint of an events planner..if e SSA Newcastle could b half as competent n professional, we'd begin 2 b a trulli representative body for Singaporeans..

e onli disappointment for mi was e fact dat neither Germany nor Holland managed 2 hold e cup aloft this time in Dortsmund, Germany...n dat e semi-finals n finals were both completely European line-ups..but still, Italy deserved dat win..e French were truli let down by Barthez (even if Zidane had taken a penalty shot n got it in, Barthez would still b e weakest link lettin France down)..but its been a great run for teams like Argentina, Holland n England(if onli they had been more inspired/hungry)

n to my christian frens, i've got 2 end with a great tesimony..my fren Kian, whom Richard n mi hav been prayin for since our army days 2 b saved...n whose sister became a christian in e US..brought along his g/f to meet us 1 nite outin...n it seems she's christian as well..dis wd make no sense if we had not been prayin for him 2 b surrounded by Christian frens who wd b an excellent christian witness in his life..all i can say is dat e Falaise Gap is closin rapidli (if u noe dat historical episode from WW2)..so then, e joy of a fren is my joy..n in our joy, e angels were silent...

Small Change

Does it feel different to post from home? yes it does.. there have been so many instances for mi 2 b thankful n grateful for in life since e return for e winter hols..

e 1st thing that caused some anxiety n den relief was when i searched for some fifty cent coins to pay for my first singaporean meal of laksa n hokkien mee after 6 months(its just 5, yes)..n i realised e joy of having coins fit snugli in ur palm without feelin like u're handling spanish pieces of eight that would feel rite at home embedded in e forehead of Goliath..

dat realli depicts e differences in size, scale, physiology, psychology n thinkin of Australians vis-a-vis S'poreans..its good 2 b home among one's countrymen no matter how bluidy screwed up some o' us can get..n as a sidenote, i'v enot met some of u my frens yet..but will get to u soon once all e catchin up on 6 months worth of letter-replyin n readin, studyin for my basic theory test, liasin with IDP for e June Newcastle intake n all..

now, regardin e world cup, i've got much more 2 say as e game progresses..but at dis stage, i think dat e English side especialli r playin e most uninspired game of football i've ever seen..competent but uninspired..n i can't help thinkin to miself dat Krouch realli looks like some Japanese prisoner of war with his stick thin frame that looks like a bamboo partition..my mind tells mi its gonna be Germany or Argentina holdin e cup aloft..but my heart cries "Oranjes!!!"....Johan Cruyf n Marco Van Basten these guys may not b..but the Royal Netherlands Football Team will alwaez hav dat special place in my heart-of-hearts..oh, n sorry gals, but Zinidine Zidane has got 2 b dropped (n dropped hard) if e French r gonna hav any chance..but mayb it oredi is too late for e French rooster..Henry shd hav been captain from e start..

Ground 0

Last day b4 headin home..had a slight scare earlier with e airline check-in screwin up on mi..they had mi on a flight for Nov 10...n finalli sorted it out by callin n they tracked mi down thru my departure information (from Singapore)...i was hoppin mad n all my expletives started 2 spew oredi..mother-f***ers who shd juz F*** back 2 their mother's h**e..

i've taken enuff shite from certain ang mohs here oredi man..not gonna take any from my own countrymen n from e compamy supposed 2 b renowned for efficiency..i hav half a mind 2 make a formal complaint thru the Singapore International Foundation(SIF) n thru them to e local SIA representative in Sydney..why r members of the Newcastle Singapore Students Association bein victimised for our trouble man? i think dat we deserve a complimentary pair of tickets from SIA for such bullshite (i wish)..hahahaha..dats impossible i noe n juz a fantasy..unless i hav some pezzonovante(Big-shot) fren in high places like e Singapore High Commisioner 2 Australia (which i dun; though we've met at e darn High Commissioner's Tea Event n was dressed super-casualli;n was embarassment incarnate)

shd stop bein so aggressive..after all, i'm onli goin home for a month..but sometimes my ex-army specialist instincts n temper r recalled to service like some emotional reservist activation..better means of gettin back at pple who cause trouble there r den losin my temper..i hav lots 2 learn from Don Vita Corleone of the Godfather fame..

anywaez..e next post will b next week from home..here's my flight details for some of u frens anywaez..but i'll contact u when i get back..no need 2 meet mi at e airport act..i'll say hi if u're there n respect u for it..but i'll b goin home for some rest straight after..n catch ya guys n ladies in e mornin..SQ 232, estimated arrival 545 pm at Singapore Airport Terminal 2...

Finito

"It is Finished..." e 1st semester of yr 1 is over..along with the work involved...

now all dat remains is 3 days between now n goin home for e 1st time in 6 months..i've got stuff 2 get n pple to visit b4 i make my way home..

i must have lunch with frens who've helped mi dis semester with work..i must hav lunch with my pastor n thank him for his advice n support all dis while..i must remembr 2 get those souvenirs for my cousins who gave mi a treat b4 i went overseas..they are family n blood is thicker than water..

n finalli, i can sleep earli n in peace at nite..without worry regardin e next submission, short project, assignment, essay, report or portfolio..until e start of next sem dat is..n truli..i can go back to meet e closest frens i ever made in my life n who've alwaez stood by mi back home..kumu n e NWO, Shamir n e scout bros, Leonard n coy, Kian n e army spec mates..hmmm..if i had some1 special waitin at e airport..it would b perfect..but i dun n i shd not fantasise..else i'll soon hav 2 start smokin 2 relieve dat unneccessary stress again..

but i'm also leavin some good frens i made here behind inc my housemates dat i'll miss till i get back..many pple say i'm very sociable..mayb i am..but i like to think dat i've been blessed with good frens whom i could develop a connection to..some more some less..some like kindred spirits drawn to e same flame..but all whom i appreciate..of course, i've also had bad frens whom i often rant about here...but a bad fren is simpli a fren who could hav been my good fren but chose to cause mi harm n hurt..n it is alwaez my wish dat so-called bad-frens can make good in their life n mine..

so, to those of u still havin exams, all e best n God bless...to others, see u over there..where? Home...beyond e western shore..byond e sunrise (though u can't actualli go beyond e sunrise technicalli speakin)..

People are people

"People are people so why should'nt we? u n i should get along so awfulli..i noe dat u hate though i've done nothin wrong"..e lyrics of Depeche Mode's People realli say it all bout e complexity n confusion of human relationships n human responses..

lateli, i've been so tired , not juz of sch work n all..but also by e multitude of small wars n conflicts regardin pple i noe here in Nescastle..its tirin 2 get involved in it all..but sometimes, we got 2 step back n let e storm blow itself out..

2 those who noe wats goin on, i think we shd juz concentrate on our work n e gd parts of e frenship with othrs..2 those not in e noe..lets juz sae human beins r sensitive creatures esp guys with our egos n frail hearts..dats 1 reason i refuse 2 work at home..even at 9 or 10 at nite..i'll still come 2 e library/studio 2 do work...we all need 2 get away frm it all sometimes..n besides..i hav a very clear dichotomy..home is for sleep n sch for work..i dun traditionalli do work at home or sleep in sch..its part of my work-life philosophy developed in e army..

i wish dat life were less complicated with such inter-personal human relationship comedies n tragedies (not 2 mention e drama serials n documentaries)..i mean..i've learnt more bout human problems in Newcastle den in e army..n dat is a lot lor...well, i'm juz gonna do mi part in everythin liao n not b so worried even if pple i noe decide 2 fight World War 3..

one trick i will appli...seein e gd side of things as they appli 2 mi..whethr its regardin gals or frens ..dats y i'm a happy-go-lucky person..i used 2 b more easili affected n am by nature broodin..but i've let lots of things go in life..n as a Christian..i alwaez see it dat wateva insults n injuries for mi fall on Christ' body on dat cross.."the wounds inflicted on u hav fallen on Mi" ...n there is healin..

Mounties

Jamie up high-n-lofty

The Horse n his boy

Horse was placid; but fought mi on mounting

Weird Tots

when u're tired, things start 2 pop up in e head like some strange mental Brownian Motion..unexplained, unaccounted for n definiteli unwelcome..

i figure its probabli at e confluence of e realms of dream, suppressed desire n exhausted delirium dat causes such tots n feelins 2 arise..but strangeli as a side note..i find i write extremeli well in such chaotic circumstances..on e wellspring of creativity i find miself..n i can feel e urge 2 write/draw on my tinglin finger-tips

i find miself askin wat e term,sophormoric romance means..i saw dat phrase 1st on Shian aka Rex's blog..n wonder wat it all means..does it mean puppy love..or dat strange time when everythin is magical n u r given to attractions to membrs of e opposite sex?or simpli common infactuation dat constructs an image of someone dats false but loveli to our sight?

i'm not doin dis cos of any rubbish relaionshp probs of mi own..cos i've come 2 a point where i honestli say i dun like any1..not even myself..onli Christ n He's different..hahaha..i'm delirious afta not sleepin for a whole nite..dats y..so indulge mi..

i fell prey 2 dat tendency often times in mi life 2 noe dat franli, its a hidden desire 2 run away from e problems of life thru such poppy-cock(dats a new term)..so i advice walkin away when such desires threaten...n learnin 2 watch e danger signs is very relevant 2 such troubles..just bcos we think we like some1 does not mean we do..some of my frens i noe need 2 realise dat n realli wake up 2 e harsh light of day..

of course, if i could do it all over again in my past failed relationships, i would not change a thing..n sometimes, just sometimes, when i hear a certain piece of music, e magic comes back..n i feel alive once again..n i realise how far i've fallen from e magic of those days..schrage musik is wat e Germans call such deja vu acoustics..they remind mi of my ex..but honestli, i would not do wat i did for her to anothr gal now..or any1..n i would not want 2 b hurt by someone else e way i let miself get hurt back then..for her yes all over again if i went back in time..for someone else today, i dun think so (as far as i can tell)...on e same level of paradox as e statement, everything i say is a lie..including dis statement"

when i was a teen, i was like a lamb...but there was magik..when dat lamb was butchered as blood sacrifice for e adult 2 rise, dat magik died with him..now all dat remains is a sleek black form..smooth as shadow n dark as nite..i miss dat lamb sometimes...

Wing-roll

i alwaez tot dat e end of sem was a wonderful opportunity for a victory roll..end of sch, end of troubles..end of all sorts of pressures n time to miself..n dat trip to Tioman with Kian n e guys..

did we not enjoy e "Lord dismiss us with thy blessin, thanks for mercies past received" n hated e same hymn with e lyrics for beginnin of term in secondary sch?

i'm not doin a victory roll now..n i'm not singin any endin of term hymn..if any song, its "Amazin Grace" when i get thru...

e sum of my experiences dis sem can be stated with some ease..with work, double hard n a design inclination towards e tutor's style..i'll give him back wat he likes..but with some curves..afterall, am i not part of e Newcastle University Anti-Box-n-Square-Edges Design Group?

where relationships r concerned..i'm playin Qing Fei De Yi n K Ge Zhi Wang a lot..i need some solitary time n time with frens who giv a rat's ass bout mi...n e strategy of keepin my distance from e female species seems 2 b workin juz fine..i've ended e semester happier n with less worry than b4..

wats left? Faith? i wish i could say honestli dat i dun need more of dat but uh-uh...i can't in all honest openess say dat..faith is a little thing dat goes a long way they say..well den, who's e guy who does not need or want more of dat little thing for life's long, n arduos, n oftentimes, bitchy journey?

i giv e final word to the DeLirium..newest addition 2 my charactr..dis gets chaotic from here...computers let go of mi n i fell into e air of the sea..now there i am without a head..brain left under my arm n i'm sayin hi..left of rite is e wrong way as i board e plane to sail for there..where is there? here? coming away n i-want-2-tell-my-housemate-2wake-up...no more cat love-makin..no more fren-sad bizness..i can't go near pple..i'm afraid of gettin hurted..huntin now..no more hurtin..